2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
With political, economic and cultural freedom, we also received a heavy burden - freedom of self-realization.
There is no longer a compulsory program that every exemplary citizen must go through in order to become a worthy member of society.
Do what you want.
Live as you want.
Complete freedom of choice.
But for some reason it does not cause continuous delight.
"Finding yourself" becomes painful and unbearable.
Questions "who am I?", "What do I want to do?" create incredible tension filled with anxiety. And as a result, they often develop into apathy and procrastination, and sometimes even into depression.
Of course, many, having approached the point of choice, shrank from unpleasant sensations and quickly grasped the stereotypes “as it should” or examples of “success”.
There are still enough of them.
They say - there will be a good job, money, an apartment, a car, a vacation abroad, it means that you have achieved something, not a loser …
Well, it's also fashionable to work for yourself, to spin your business, to realize a creative idea, to create some kind of creativity … Then you definitely did not live in vain, you represent something of yourself …
You can, of course, go completely beyond the bounds. To drop everything - to go into self-knowledge and spirituality, where everything worldly is alien. But this option is not suitable for everyone.
How not to fall into the power of social stereotypes and still find your way?
In fact, social beliefs "the right way" did not appear just like that, they have a lot of meaning.
They reduce anxiety.
After all, if I do not have a reference point, a rating system, I will have to take responsibility for my needs, desires, for my life.
And where is the guarantee that I will make the right choice?
Who can tell me that the road I choose will lead anywhere?
Although why somewhere ?! In happiness. To a bright future.
There is so much uncertainty!
This is where contradictions are born.
I want to choose my own path and I want society to tell me that this is the right choice.
After all, I want to live well and definitely not alone.
We are social creatures. Being a part of society is extremely important for us. Its acceptance.
It is embedded in our genes as an integral part of the survival system.
Living your life, making your choices, is not only unsettling but also associated with shame.
To be “not like that”, not to meet the requirements, to make a mistake.
Why be rejected, thrown out of the circle.
To remain isolated and completely alone.
The fear of shame suppresses our impulses to manifest. Blocks all excitement, which can be an indicator of an actual need and energy for its satisfaction.
Very few have the experience of supporting personal manifestations, especially when it led to mistakes, failures. We were rarely told - "Even if you screw up, I will love you and stay close", "It's okay, you can always try again."
We are not taught to be responsible for our own lives. After all, there is so much separateness and freedom in this. And rigid, dependent family systems are not at all profitable.
I recall the words of Sartre "Man is, first of all, a project that is experienced subjectively, and not moss, not mold and not cauliflower."
This makes an incredible amount of sense to me.
First, only I can understand whether I am successful or not. And it all depends on what success is for me. If I consider it as the realization of my potential, my capabilities, which are given to me by nature, then only internal sensations can be a guide for me. Feeling of satisfaction from what I do, how I live.
Secondly, I can only compare myself with myself. The one that was a year, two, ten years ago.
Thirdly, there are too many people on this planet, and everyone is too different for each of them to tell me - yes, you are cool!
As long as I guess what society likes, whether I make a mistake, whether it will lead me to success, my life will end.
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