2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"How to Get Rid of Aggression" - you read in the title.
Let's first think: what is it for at all?
It is not just that it exists in nature in general and in people in particular
Aggression is most often not something harmful, something that arose out of nowhere and from which you urgently need to get rid of.
This is a "marker".
A signal that something is happening that for some reason the person does not like.
It's another matter if aggression "covers" suddenly and totally, like a wave. To "red devils in the eyes" and uncontrollable behavior.
If aggression manifests itself in such a way that prevents a person from living and, moreover, threatens others, a person needs to learn how to manage it.
And to manage your aggression means, first of all, to be able to listen to yourself in time and learn, and what exactly is behind this particular outbreak?
- What thought?
- What other, additional feeling?
- What wish?
Against what or at achieving what goal is this anger directed?
What do you want instead of what reality offers?
A person learns to control his aggression in childhood.
But, unfortunately, not always and not every person succeeds in mastering this skill.
Because in order to learn anything, you need to see an example in front of you.
In this case, an example of an environmentally friendly attitude and handling their aggression.
For example, a child is angry that his mother forbids eating the fifth candy or does not want to buy a toy. The child is very angry. May even scream or throw things
He is angry at the ban and it is difficult for him to survive the refusal. He wants his desire to be realized. Anger is directed against mom's ban.
In a good case, the baby's mother, remaining calm, will explain to him that what he wants is now impossible to get. And sincerely sympathize with his upset and regret it.
In the bad, he will scold, shame or punish, increasing his frustration, adding to him the fear of rejection, a sense of shame and pain.
In relationships, aggression can be directed towards self-defense:
For example, a daughter gets angry when her mother, in response to her request not to joke about her weight, continues to make fun of her and give offensive nicknames
Anger is directed against the insults that the mother, under the guise of jokes, addresses her daughter.
Or be frustrated:
The husband refuses to go to the cinema with his wife on Friday night because he has had a difficult week and is tired. The wife is angry about this. She sat at home all week, she wants to unwind, she waited for her husband to be free
The goal of anger is to fulfill your desire for experience and togetherness.
When a person has an understanding of what is behind the manifestation of aggression, he is faced with tasks of a completely different level. For example:
- How to come to terms with the fact that you are denied?
- How do you tell a person that their actions towards you are unacceptable?
- How to negotiate mutually beneficial terms?
And then the attitude towards aggression changes.
And she herself is gradually changing: The ways and power of her expression are changing.
The situations in which it appears change.
You can learn to identify what is behind the manifestation of your aggression.
If you are wondering how, come to therapy.
Maria Veresk, Psychologist, Gestalt therapist online.
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