2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Vlad Bondar was admitted to the Department of Nephrology in a state of anorexia. With lively eyes, an athlete, with big plans for the future. Vlad was engaged in swimming from an early age and by the age of 15 he already had both victories and achievements in sports. He was obsessed with success and accordingly overwhelmed with stress. His parents were also difficult people.
Domineering, controlling mother, filled with fears, rigid and indifferent to the possibilities of her son. Her motto is “through I can’t, through I don’t want to”. To subdue, conquer, command - how much I got up, what time I came to training, to whom I sent an SMS, what it says - it was natural for the mother of a 15-year-old boy. “What are you, - she was indignant, - suggesting me not to read his SMS! Doctor, are you out of your mind?"
Dad is an idealist, perfectionist, driven and vulnerable. In conversation, he remembered that in childhood and adolescence he dreamed of great success. Yes, not just about the big, but about the colossal, so that all the neighbors are envious, and the parents finally understand what their son is, a unique person. But life turned out differently, there was no success, no one was jealous, the parents did not understand anything about him.
Sitting between his parents, Vlad made a strange impression. For 15 years he pleased his mother, suppressing all his desires and spontaneity, having learned always and in everything, from the point of view of the mother, of course, to be “correct”.
- What is right for you?
- Well, come to training on time, do not let the coach and parents down. Then I feel that I am doing everything right.
On the other hand, for 15 years of his life, he struggled to get the meager approval of his father. But there was never any approval, because everything is bad, because others are better. Because Vasya Pupkin already gives what results, and you are a jerk? Because if you don’t push, don’t push, will this dunce guess that “unsuccessful” life is hard, terrible and disgusting. Without success, it is so disgusting that you don't want to live. Tall, thin dad sighed heavily: “I must have gone too far,” he subtly remarked.
For Vlad, any parental requirement, even if it is incommensurate with his physical and emotional capabilities, is a manifestation of their love and care. This acted on him, both at the age of 3 and at the age of 15; there was no question of any critical perception. He carried out unrealized fatherly, under the strict supervision of his mother. Only the diagnosis of anorexia launched the first germ of doubt in him. Or maybe something is going wrong?
Mom immediately left the consultation as soon as it came to the need to reduce control and revise the parenting strategy.
But dad stayed. For Vlad, this is a great chance for a reversal towards recovery and movement towards life.
“If this happens,” I say, “if you release your son into your life, it will be your greatest success.
Daddy nods.
- Who would have thought. I have always believed that success is somewhere else. And I can't see him anymore.
Recommended:
The Father's Shadow: The Influence Of The Father On The Fate Of The Child
Much has been written about the influence of the mother on the fate of the child. Less commonly, the role of the father is spoken of. True, recently psychologists have been actively investigating the connection between father and child, the influence of a parent on the fate of his offspring.
MOTHER / FATHER'S HAND AND MOTHER AND FATHER'S HAND TECHNIQUES
The techniques are designed to explore relationships with mother / father, unconscious aspects of interaction in relationships, male and female aspects of personality, conflict zones in relationships with parents. In general, the diagnostic capabilities of the technique are quite wide.
Practice Story No. 1. When A Daughter "bears" Pain For Her Mother
Maria came to the reception from the urology department with her nine-year-old daughter Sasha. The girl had enuresis since birth, but the doctors could do nothing to help her. From a medical point of view, Sasha was “clean”, without pathologies and neurological disorders.
A Touching Story Of Recognition And Disgust: A Case From Practice
Therapist K., a young woman of 29 years old, sought supervision on a case that caused her considerable concern. Being a talented novice therapist, K. found herself in a very difficult situation with her client L. L. turned for psychological help with complaints about difficult relationships with loved ones, in which she often felt unnecessary .
Talking About The Father. How To Raise A Child If There Is No Father?
Today my friend (single mother) said that at the training about money she was told to tell her six-year-old son about his father. I will not delve into the topics "your money - what does the baby's father have to do with it" and blind trust in experts and "
