How Long Or Short

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There are clients who come for changes. They want to change, get rid of the old itchy scars and habitual patterns of behavior that poison their lives. There are those who come to solve a specific problem - clearly formulated, very local. There are people who come for advice: "How can I do to …" or "What to tell them so that they …". Finally, there are clients who honestly say they want to "speak out."

The main therapist rule - follow the request, but what to do if the request is not formulated, or if you see that behind the voiced problem there is something more, deep, taking root and affecting the entire life of the client?

It's very simple to tell the client honestly about it. Usually at the end of the first session, I briefly state my vision of the problem and recommendations … Sometimes I can give several scenarios for the potential development of a situation, but such cases are rare. This usually happens if a client comes to solve one specific problem, and this does not happen very often.

But the question is, what to do if the client comes for specific advice, and the specialist insists on long-term psychotherapy?

Firstly, do not believe in fairy tales that psychologists only do what they pull money. It seems that the problem lies on the surface, and the harmful and greedy psychologist insists on long-term treatment with weekly visits in order to take more money from you. Probably, there are really incompetent, unprofessional and dishonest people posing as psychotherapists. But for sure you will not go to such specialists - after all, you have already made inquiries, looked at the data about the psychologist, listened to the reviews of his clients …

If a specialist inspires you with confidence and argues his position, you should believe him.

Because - well, the psychotherapist is not interested in "sucking the problem out of his finger" and fiddling with someone who does not really need help. Take my word for it - the psychologist works "by himself" and work without proper return destroys the psychologist much more seriously than the client himself.

The feeling of the senselessness of your own work, the fear of a professional mistake, the feeling of your own incompetence - all this costs the psychotherapist much more expensive than the money he charges you for the session. And how much a psychologist will spend on supervision, where he will deal with ineffective and low-quality work …

In general, deceiving customers is a game that is not worth the candle.

Second, carefully listen to how the therapist sees the situation generally. For some reason, it is this information that many clients ignore. And in vain … Because often the solution to a specific problem gives little. For example, a person came to an appointment with a request: to help him get rid of pain after a difficult parting with a partner. Well, everything seems to be clear. A couple of meetings, and the partner is forgotten and his image is stored somewhere in the backyard of history. You can say goodbye to the psychologist and move on. Much easier. And two weeks later the same client comes running in “disheveled feelings,” as they sometimes say. Because I met a new partner, and everything is not easy with him. And the psychologist has a persistent "déjà vu", because the new partner is just a clone of the previous one, with the same problems and the same "cockroaches". Or a partner is completely different in type, but the scenario for building relationships is exactly the same. What can you suggest here? You can sort out the relationship with your current partner, and then wait for the client to come to our office with another painful break. And then with a new relationship - exactly the same, but again "unexpectedly". By the way, returning to the previous paragraph - about greedy psychologists - believe me, saving the client over and over again from the same, sorry for the banality, "rake", the therapist will earn no less, or even more, than as a result of long-term targeted therapy, focused on the reason that makes a person to step on them so stubbornly. In general, if a specialist asks you to look for the root of the problem, and not just "remove the symptom" - it makes sense to listen to his arguments.

Third, think about what exactly do you want … Honestly, once again decide what you need. If you want a quick, practical, simple solution - insist on it. A good psychologist will offer you this or that way out, but - honestly warn about the consequences and possible "side effects". Weigh everything. You should not agree to long-term psychotherapy just because "the specialist said so."

And here's why: if you do not want real changes, are not ready to go through transformation, if you are afraid that too much will change - long-term therapy is not for you, you are not ready for it yet. Because long-term personality therapy is a work of two and a shared responsibility of the therapist and the client. You will have to go a long and difficult way. You will have to come face to face with those parts of yourself that you have successfully avoided throughout your life. You will travel without a compass to a completely new, unexplored world, because no matter how experienced the psychologist is, he personally sees you, with your individual history, for the first time and discovers everything anew. It won't always be easy. Sometimes it will hurt and sometimes it will be scary. And not a single ready-made answer. Not a single pre-laid route. If you are not ready for this, do not risk it. Because without your active participation, without your own work, nothing will come of it.

remember, that long-term psychotherapy Is always a change. And those parts of your life that seemed to you unrelated to your initial request may change. Having come up with a request on the topic "how to stop procrastinating", you may suddenly find that you have been doing the wrong thing all your life, and change your job and field of activity. Or find that the relationship with your current partner is not built on the principles that are close to you, and try to rebuild them. If such prospects frighten you, then perhaps long-term therapy is not for you, or rather, you are not yet ready for it.

But, be that as it may, the prize that awaits you at the end of the "journey" is very tempting.

This is an opportunity to finally live your life, without imposed decisions and principles dictated by old traumas.

It is the ability to hear yourself and choose yourself.

This is freedom from scars, obsessive reactions to habitual stimuli and chronic pain.

It is the ability to be yourself and to experience joy and pleasure in life.