2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many of the clients who have contacted me worry that they have low self-esteem. When we begin to understand, a paradoxical situation emerges: self-esteem is low, and the level of aspirations is high.
Translated from the psychological avian language, this means that a person wants a lot, but considers himself unworthy. An intrapersonal conflict arises, which manifests itself outside: a person conflicts at work, with friends and relatives. Because the environment does not suit him, and he is not able to change it, because. afraid of other conditions and a different environment.
The saddest thing in this case is that a person does not see and does not understand the whole situation, and it is not possible for him to go beyond it. Even turning to a psychologist for help, it is not easy for him to do this. But it is not impossible if a person has made a decision.
High self-esteem is often confused with inadequately high self-esteem. And therefore, they are also afraid of high self-esteem. High self-esteem is not pride, conceit, or narcissism.
This self-awareness: “I want, I can, and I will achieve and achieve. I have to do a lot and it will not always be pleasant and interesting, but I will go through it. And I have already made 10% / 1/3 / 3 points from my list out of the planned ones”.
Moreover, the person knows why he does it. He has a goal, a dream and a task.
What happens when self-esteem is inadequately high?
These are people - "gifts". "I've come! Love me! It is me! Do not love? Don't you give? Not meeting my needs? You are bad! You are not worthy of fellowship with me!"
And again there is a contradiction - the expectations were not met, the person leaves this environment or tries to prove that he is “a gift, look more closely”. As a result, as an option, he lies on the couch and dreams of a big and beautiful car.
Surely, each of us has been in such a situation, when he felt the worst of all, when he was a "gift", as well as, and when he was in the stream, he felt that he would achieve his goal.
It is important to distinguish one from the other and not stay in the first two situations for a long time, there is always a way out, an adaptive person will always find a way out on his own or with the help of other people.
Most likely, you ask me, what is normal self-esteem? I will say that I am at a loss to answer. The concept of a norm in psychology is not easy to define. It is possible that adequate self-esteem is when a person is satisfied with himself, his environment and the world around him. Satisfied not situationally: “I am satisfied now, but tomorrow everything is bad and everything is gone”, but I am satisfied in general, despite the difficulties and troubles that arise.
What is normal self-esteem, we can discuss with you in the comments. Write, express your opinion, ask questions.
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