Why Is Divorce Scary?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

People have different attitudes towards divorce. For some, this is a way out of the crisis, the opportunity to start living from a blank slate, for others, on the contrary, this event is extremely unpleasant. The latter often hide the true reason for their negative attitude, because if you take a sensible look at the situation, you will understand that the relationship in such a couple has already exhausted itself, but people continue to cling, deceiving themselves and others with various pseudo-reasons.

Quite often, the whole point is that people are unpleasant to admit (admit to themselves) that they are afraid of losing stability. After all, what a relationship is not, it is stability and convenience, sometimes at the expense of something else. But stability can be very different, because often we can get used to the most unbearable events. There are many examples: a drinking husband, a hysterical wife, a tyrant man, an infantile woman, the list can become long.

Often not wanting to part, even with such stability, people agree to endure a lot and justify the bestial attitude of another, deceive themselves. After all, the phrase that “I live with him for the sake of the child” always raises the question “Do you really want the child to have mental problems against the background of your showdowns and scandals?”.

Or: "I will tolerate her (wife) so that the son has a father." But at the same time, the boy gets a model of behavior when a man must always obey and does not have the right to make decisions. Will he be able to build a family as an adult or will he become henpecked? There are many such "explanations", but they do not reflect the true reason.

Due to the peculiarities of our thinking, we are afraid of change, because no one can say what will happen in life next. Uncertainty is very frightening. This is the main, in my opinion, the reason that people, after a divorce, often repeat their mistakes and again fall into unhappy relationships.

It's like running from one prison to another, possibly with a stricter regime. This happens when a person has a very strong desire to regain this sense of stability.

But back to fear and stability. If you look sensibly at the situation of divorce, then, of course, this is stress and crisis. Such a state can be really difficult to live with. But at the same time, it is not at all necessary to scare yourself with your own future, we do not know what it will be. In my opinion, it is much more useful to revise your inner values, to understand the reasons that led to such a result.

At the same time, it is worthwhile to understand that it is completely unnecessary to hang on yourself or on another feeling of guilt, since this will interfere with the work on the mistakes. After all, if everything ended in divorce, then there were mistakes. Perhaps at the very beginning, you chose a person whose values are unacceptable to you. Or in the course of the relationship itself, they behaved in such a way that they did not notice what was important to another. There are many options, and all are individual, there are always features.

It is worth dealing with this at least in order not to repeat the same mistakes in new relationships in the future, and to be more attentive, both to yourself and to the person with whom you will begin to build such a relationship.

Live with joy! Anton Chernykh.