2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Jacques Lacan said that the unconscious is structured like a language. He has his own metaphors, metonyms, allegories, erroneous actions. And the unconscious is also on the surface of speech. That is, listening to a person's speech, you can catch invisible threads and tie them into a harmonious symbolic row. Get to the bottom of the root cause of various life scenarios that have a huge impact on our already conscious life.
I would like to cite a fragment of an analytical session as an example:
- If he cheats on me, it will be n ***** ts! - she almost cries
- What do you mean by n ***** c?
- Well, full n ***** ts!
- What do you mean by full n ***** c?
- Well … it will be bad for me …
- How bad? Describe the situation, what does it look like?
- As if the world is filled with water, like a flood, and I am drowning, and I have nothing to breathe …
- Where do you see yourself?
- Under the water
- Eyes open? What do you see?
- There … There are big fish swimming, and as if the buildings are sunken.
- What are you doing there?
- Damn … I live there!
- Ie. can you live there?
- Oh … yes … and breathe … But still it's a complete n ***** c!
- Flooding, as if you are drowning and you have nothing to breathe … what is the first thing that comes to your mind, what do you see?
- It's strange, but when I was 1, 5 years old, dad almost drowned me in the bathtub …
- And what was dad like?
Makes "big round eyes" - dad was FULL!
This is how the once-lost feeling of trust in a father, a significant other, is transformed into an eternal fear of being abandoned, betrayed, rejected, ignored. From this one small fragment, you can extract a lot of information and ask many interesting questions to a girl who once began to fear that she would be abandoned. And to prevent this from happening, she left all relationships first. She just left the man, without explaining anything to him, did not answer calls, avoided meetings. And with the next man, history repeated itself.
The development of the human psyche occurs through a series of frustrations necessary for internal growth and overcoming. How the child deals with them influences his response to the next crisis. There is a development of neural connections at the physical level, the formation of habitual patterns of behavior at the mental level. Once the root situation is repressed, we never remember it at a conscious level, but it will always influence all subsequent choices in the present. That is why in the life of some women, the first, second, and even third husband can be alcoholics - she chooses them unconsciously in order to be able to act out, confirm her unconscious situation, and play her negative scenario.
A woman can marry a very loving and caring man, but at the same time she is constantly unconsciously afraid of betrayal, because she saw a similar tragedy in the mother's story, or her personal trust in her father was undermined by his behavior towards her. If the mechanism of projective identification in a couple turns on, then the man who is next to her may well begin to perform actions that are unusual for him, in order, again, at an unconscious level, to fit into the scenario of his beloved woman.
In order to hear something like that, it is not necessary to fish out the whole story from the person lying on the couch - he will not remember it all at once. But you can hear something in his speech, an accidental mistake, a slip of the tongue, which will lead not only to a deep traumatic situation, but also give a key to its elaboration. A key word, an ordinary word in the native language, even such as, for example, "full" can have a completely different, hidden meaning for a particular person. Therefore, perhaps, although we all speak one language, it is so difficult for us to understand another. Because the meanings that we put into speech may be completely inaccessible to those who are listening now. And then there is a surprised "I didn't mean it at all, I didn't want to betray you!"And then a natural question arises, what does “betrayal” mean?
Now imagine how many of these signifiers we use in everyday life, not thinking about their meaning, but always putting our own, personal, definite meaning. Each of us. I did not specifically describe emotions in the example session, because reading it, each of you will feel something different: interest, boredom, surprise, anger, irritation, distrust, joy. Anything.
Our whole world is the Tower of Babel after a mixture of people and languages, where in fact no one understands each other, but everyone follows their own script.
The answer to the question "So what to do about it?" lies on the surface: if you cannot agree with each other, define the rules of interaction and communicate normally, then you really need a translator. Someone who hears hidden meanings and messages in ordinary words and helps to rewrite a negative scenario into a positive one.
Photo by Elena Vizerskaya
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