Age Regression And Scenario Games (3)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Age regression in love affairs sometimes leads to the fact that the conflict in the current relationship evokes from the past memories of long-played dramas. And it turns out that these two scenarios seem to merge into one. Or you can put it another way: the drama in relationships that a person had the misfortune to observe in his childhood is, as it were, played out repeatedly in his current life. Only if in childhood we are most often drawn into the "scandalous games" of parents, then in a relationship with his beloved, a person himself plays out an old drama, and he himself is the main character in it, and perhaps a director.

In this article, we will look at the phenomenon of "scenario games" using the example of the history of the relationship between Igor and Masha, which are described in this series of articles.

Scenario games

Figuratively speaking, scenario games arise due to the fact that for several generations different family members had a habit of stepping on the same rake. This is especially clearly manifested in love relationships. Mom manages to fill herself with bumps during her youth, and the father of her daughter usually plays the role of one such "rake". Further, the mother directly and indirectly transfers her experience to her daughter both at the conscious level and at the level of not very conscious actions.

Even if the father was not in the family, the mother can, as it were, work out strikes against the wall, so that the second player does not seem to be needed. In this case, the daughter has the opportunity to watch her mother play with an invisible player. She cannot understand the logic of the behavior of the other side, but she has the opportunity to master her mother's style of serving and taking the ball.

Having matured, my daughter not quite consciously chooses a partner for herself who, according to some parameters, corresponds to that “invisible player” who was hitting her mother’s balls “without looking out of the wall”. In part, this explains the fact that girls very often find men as their chosen ones, somewhat reminiscent of their fathers, even if real fathers almost never appeared in their lives. It turns out that for the first time a girl plays a scenario game of her family without realizing what exactly is happening to her and what exactly she is doing.

The presence in our psyche of scripts of family scenario games and other programs imputed to us unconsciously is one of the reasons that the first love relationship very often ends in failure.

After a person's second relationship begins to develop according to the same, already known scenario, he already has the opportunity to notice some coincidences and think about it. And after the third or fourth broken relationship, almost everyone begins to notice that they are stepping on the same rake.

Scenario games differ from family scenarios in that scenarios are like long-term programs, they are designed for a long period, sometimes for a lifetime, while scenario games are short-term plots, and they tend to be repeated many times.

The manifestation of scenario games in the history of Igor and Masha

In the story of Masha, in the plot of her game, transmitted from her mother, there was a betrayal of her father, which was duplicated by “the betrayal of Uncle Yura”. Her father gave her the theme of betrayal, and Uncle Yura believed in magic and the experience of jointly creating a common secret world shared by only two people, who, however, were also “betrayed” in the end.

There was also treason in Igor's family. Mom then played to no avail in a relationship with her husband, which quickly degenerated into a wall game. And after the father left, mother tried to turn Igor into a "wall", asking him with questions that should have been addressed to his father. In addition, my mother tried to break through the personal boundaries of Igor's soul and put the right order in his world. This led to the fact that on the line of Igor's personal borders a wall grew, and he did not allow anyone to get through them.

If you do not take into account the mysterious laws of love chemistry, then we can say that Igor and Masha agreed that the opportunity to fool around and invent ridiculous stories was important for both. Igor initially did not see in Masha a threat to break through his personal boundaries, since she did not seek to penetrate into another person's world: it was not “violation of personal boundaries” that was important to her, but rather “building common territories” in common with the world she loved.

For Igor, it was also important that Masha did not call him for consistency and pedantry, she did not have that bestial seriousness that lived in the soul of his mother. Masha saw in Igor the reincarnation of her uncle Yura and expected from him magic and adventure in the vastness of the common world they discovered. It seemed to Igor that Masha is a person who is suitable for a cheerful and dynamic friendship, but not in some fictional world, but in a completely real one.

The seed for entering into a relationship for both was quite serious, and at first the relationship seemed like a fairy tale to both. But at some point, their scripted games came into effect. Igor "betrayed" Masha in that instead of building their common world, he rushed into some moronic adventures with his friends, trying to involve her in these ventures. And besides, he generally refused to be interested in her inner world, which for her smoothly flowed into that special magical world that she once built with her uncle Yura.

Igor was puzzled, and then annoyed by the fact that Masha from some point began to bother with moral and psychological disputes and an attempt to break into his soul. He was fed up with the fact that instead of real actions and participation in real events, she forced him to wander through some kind of psychological swamp.

External manifestation of the scenario game of Igor and Masha

So, the initial intoxication of love chemistry begins to pass, the heroes begin to fall out of those magical images in which Igor and Masha dressed up each other, following their childhood hopes and dreams.

• Igor from a cheerful god-demiurge turns into a banal mortal, incapable of deep relationships and incapable of creating his own worlds, but content with stupid social forms of pastime.
• Masha, from a cheerful and perky girl, with whom it is interesting to live, and life with whom could turn into a fun adventure, suddenly turns into a bore that can endure brains. She devalues his ideas, actions and deeds, forcing instead to taste her sour emotions and suck on the same experiences.

When Igor spent the evenings with his friends, Masha thought that he was "playing Uncle Yura" and instead of traveling through their magical world, amusing some strange girls

Masha begins to take offense and tries to reach out to Igor, urging him to sort things out

It seems to Igor that she is pulling him into "mother's games" and trying to build him. He begins to perceive machines of resentment as attempts to manipulate, and they cause him not sympathy, but rather irritation

As a result, the more Masha attacks, the more Igor resists.

The more Masha tries to understand Igor and agree with him about the general rules of life, the more Igor defends himself. He associates "general rules of life" with his mother's attempts to cure him of his "fatherly lightness" and instill in him a worthy consistency and gravity.

How play conquers intimacy

Igor and Masha have their own, small, but rich story, they were very good together, and the created magical image of a partner is not so easy to destroy. Therefore, at times they manage to defeat the nascent game and again plunge into an intoxicating closeness to each other. It seems that love conquers quarrels.

But after a short period of happiness Igor again “betrays” Masha, spending evenings in endless parties with friends, and when he manages to involve Masha in them, the situation becomes even more aggravated. After all, Masha sees with her own eyes how Igor betrays his talent of the creator of magical worlds in order to amuse with silly jokes and vulgar stories of vulgar girls and friends looking into his mouth.

Masha begins to pester Igor with requests to spend more time at home, together. Igor agrees, but quiet and pleasant conversations somehow do not line up: Igor himself does not tell anything about himself, and Masha's attempts to share her feelings, experiences, dreams with him are listened to with hard-to-hide boredom. As a result, on the second evening, Igor sits down at the computer and disappears into it until nightfall.

Masha takes offense and begins to call Igor for communication. He agrees and even finds a topic suitable for both: they are discussing the next vacation, which threatens them with interesting adventures, without lying bluntly on the beaches, but with moving from place to place. At the same time, Masha studies everything about one city and turns into a “hostess” in it, who introduces the guest to local sights that not every tourist can reach. Igor, in turn, threatens to acquaint his guest with all the "hot spots" at another point of their stop. To do this, both of them will have to go online and interview their acquaintances who have been in those places.

Masha expected that the next day they would continue to develop their route, but Igor called and said that he had an unexpected meeting with friends, and invited Masha to join. She refused and sulked at her "traitor" all evening. Igor returned home in the middle of the night, cheerful and drunk. In the morning they had another scandal. They never returned to planning their vacations.

The specificity of scenario games is that each new cycle takes place with an increase in the intensity of scandals, with a great strain of passions, with a stronger surge of adrenaline. Events begin to unfold in a circle, and with each revolution the track becomes deeper and deeper. At some point, it begins to seem that there is simply no way out. In addition, there is an addiction to scandals, scandals begin to play the role of a "psychological drug". Addiction and dependence on scandals gradually appear (see article

It turns out that people, as it were, keep in their souls the opportunity to see in their love relationships some separate fragments from their past, from childhood. At some point, they begin to see what is happening through the prism of their unconscious memories. Such memories can be conflicts between parents or the logic of relationships in the family as a whole. Usually the most painful or repetitive plots of these relationships are remembered, and it is they that become the plots of scenario games.

This article belongs to a series of articles on the phenomenon of "age regression" in love relationships, as well as on the mechanism of "scenario games" that sometimes happen in love and family relationships.

Here is a list of all of these articles:

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