2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One of the most predictable moments in therapy often occurs when a symptom-tormented, severely ill person (usually a woman), at some point in his story about himself, says:
- Probably, I was never able to forgive, accept, grievances remained..
The context, of course, is different for everyone.
But what unites such predictable insights is that many people have read and heard that illnesses, especially those that are dangerous to life and mental suffering, are the result of offenses, NON-FORGIVENESS, and blocks inside.
Many come to therapy already "well-informed", with a clear readiness to find the cause of the problem in the grievances
Often they cannot determine exactly which of them became the main one.
They go through everything, starting with children. Enlarge and color the pictures in memory. They bring clarity, catch the focus.
They try to catch the essence of each one, making them sparkle with unpleasant sparks that hurt the eyes.
An analyst or a therapist cannot and should not try to shift the focus of the patient's attention from the contexts that are important to him, so the immersion can continue for as long as necessary.
The more firmly the analysand is confident that he SHOULD hiccup the resentment, the more enthusiastically he rushes in search and research of each..
Speaking of offenses, words such as Ingratitude, Betrayal, Meanness, etc. often appear in speech.
Having finally filtered out several or one main one, a person appears before her omnipotent and terrible influence on his life.
The answer "how it happened", as it seems to him, has been found
Now a person is faced with an equally important question: "what to do now ?, because this has already happened, suffered and has consequences"
Immediately there is an assumption that it is urgent to forgive everyone, because this is what many experts recommend on the relationship between body diseases and mental anguish.
A person immediately forgives, because in the face of a threat to life, all means of salvation are good and come easier.
There are several pitfalls in this approach of the patient himself to the question:
- An attempt to find one main reason for what happened does not allow you to see your life wider and deeper. Consider yourself in different contexts, realize your typical beliefs, stereotyped reactions.
- The search for the main grievance sometimes turns into a quest that captures a person on its own and shifts attention away from the value of the present moment.
Most often, a whole complex of factors influences the formation of this or that bodily or mental illness, suffering
One thing is certain - it breaks where it is thin.
Our most vulnerable parts are more easily hit.
Speaking about the mental sphere, these can be the most pronounced individual personality traits:
Hypersensitivity. resentment, inability to accept refusals, to cope with traumatic factors.
Revealing in ourselves certain typical manifestations, we can be surprised to find that the primary factor in the formation of psychotrauma associated with the actions of other people in adulthood can be our own typical form of relations with reality, and only then specific interactions play their part in it and situations.
What we call resentment is, in fact, a discrepancy between our expectations of reality, a situation with which the psyche could not cope in its usual ways
Without exception, all people are faced with similar things in their lives. More often than not, this is a traumatic experience. The stories and the severity of the contexts are, of course, very individual.
Considering himself from the position of a victim, a person voluntarily loses his share of influence on the situation. The actions and deeds of others become the only determinants.
Feelings, suffering, pain, confusion completely overshadow the person himself, with his desires, plans, life.
It is very important and even vitally necessary to separate oneself from the trauma, to shift attention to the possibilities of the present moment. Realize its value. See yourself in it
And then, step by step, in your own rhythm and pace, begin to live out of it, letting go of the ballast and unfastening the shackles.
Is it worth looking for resentment to start living again?
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