2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
1. Feel the habitual feelings that cause energy drain
You can feel some of the holes yourself. But it's best to do it with a good conversationalist. Many are helped by a professional interlocutor: a coach or a psychotherapist.
Whether you are doing it yourself or with someone, try to catch those moments when you have habitual feelings of resentment, irritation, anxiety, helplessness, desire for immediate pleasure, and others.
In what specific way does your energy go into this hole? ? For example, Leia climbs on social networks, finds there confirmation of her inferiority in comparison with others, and this makes her further undertakings meaningless, makes her give up. Or Leia is going to do something, but the burden of daily trifles is so pressing that it seems pointless to her to start something long-term again. What are your mechanisms?
Any momentary breakdown, if traced, will turn out to be chronic, repetitive. You don't need to understand where it came from in the first place (although long-term psychotherapy can give you this understanding). But if you at least partially notice and understand what is happening and what is the mechanism of your individual leaks, it will be easier for you to move on.
2. Allow yourself to experience these feelings
It is very important not to try to shove them away. The reasons that cause our habitual feelings may seem silly, but these feelings themselves are absolutely real! Even if they seem inadequate and erroneous.
Leia does feel inferior at times, and it doesn't really matter what childhood trauma caused that feeling. Maria is really afraid to fly on a plane, even if the statistics tell her that it is safe. Andrei actually experiences possible rejection when he sees that the addressee has read the letter and did not respond to it.
It is important to experience the feeling while observing it.
For this I suggest technique of a four-stroke scheme of entering and exiting a role.
First measure: you noticed the feeling, caught it and named it
It is advisable to call the feeling not by its general name ("anxiety", "resentment"). Give your usual feeling a personal name. The father of the Reformation, Martin Luther, for example, used the word Anfechtungen for his fits of anxiety and self-doubt - something between "struggle", "temptation" and "sorrow." A very accurate word, with which he wanted to express, that "the devil grabs him in his claws."
And this is what my clients call feelings:
"Gollum Crawled" (a complex mixture of humiliation and disgusting cowardice).
"Pie with nothing" (stupor, feeling of one's own stupidity and shameful banality).
"Zashkvar" (feeling that everyone will now see your incompetence, desire to hide, keep silent).
Second measure: we experience the feeling as strongly as possible, but briefly
Yes, it's terribly insulting! Yes, it's a shame that you want to fall through the earth! Yes, alarming 10 points out of 10! Yes, “you need to wash the dishes, but you want to break”! If possible, write down your feelings and thoughts in strong terms. Here is Leia's example:
“I am nothing! I never do anything! I feel like an infantile, mediocre, capricious aunt who only whines and procrastinates! Others suffer and overcome, and I get unstuck from all the bullshit! Shame and shame of such a mum as me!"
This measure can last from 30 seconds to a minute or two.
Third measure: we get out of feeling
Now we release the tension and disperse. "We do nothing." It is useful to look out the window, watch the birds, or, on the contrary, meditate on your own breathing. This measure can also last about a minute.
Fourth bar: looking back
We look back and fix the state that has gripped us. We remember how strong the feeling was and how it weakened when we were distracted from it. Important: you should not deny this feeling, scold yourself for it, try to convince yourself. All we need is to experience a conscious feeling as we enter and exit at will. We allow ourselves to feel, set aside a certain time for this, and then turn on an external observer and reduce the intensity of the feeling, like the sound on the speakers.
3. We strive to ensure that feelings do not get stuck, do not go into the unconscious and do not affect our daily behavior
By learning to use the four-stroke pattern, you can work with habitual, sticky feelings the moment they arise. Every time you mine them, you pull the sting out of them. You are acquiring a new good habit:
Feeling is possible and necessary, but the feeling should not automatically dictate to me what to do
It is worth thinking in advance (or you can do it regularly) about what we will replace the habitual behavior that forms our energy hole.
I know many tricks that help in these cases. Some of them I invented myself, some I gladly borrowed from colleagues, and some of them were suggested to me by my clients.
Here are examples of such tips:
“I have a special file, which I titled" depresnyashki ". As soon as I start to get overwhelmed by familiar feelings, I open this file and write there everything that is spinning in my head. Over time, I began to re-read my notes and analyze them. I have found that I have my own vicious circles of feelings that I walk through. Now I can even sometimes save time and say to myself: “Ah, depressed! I know what will happen next. Let's go straight to the denouement, then a cup of good tea - and get down to business."
“I began to paint my fears, there is a very funny portrait gallery of what they look like. In the future, I would like to sew dolls and stick pins in them in difficult times."
“When at work I get the feeling that I’m worthless, and the fear of my own incompetence grips me, I don’t try to jam it in the cafeteria or roll these thoughts in circles, because now I have a clear plan of how to act. First, I go to visit the cacti that I planted on the windowsill. I have no subordinates, but cacti are my secret army. At the same time, I am singing to myself the song of Leopold the cat. And then I go to do that part of the work in which I am 100% competent and confident. It so happened that in the course of its implementation, I can notice that no one else in the office can do these things as well as I do."
Quote: Leonid Krol. Energy is the new currency: How to maintain a balance of vitality.
Recommended:
Where Does The Energy Go. The Parable About The Donor
In positive psychotherapy, metaphors and parables are actively used. Recently I came across this wonderful story, which, in my opinion, has a therapeutic effect. I recommend reading! “He sat down next to me in the line for a therapist. The line dragged on slowly, it was impossible to read in the dark corridor, I was already exhausted, so when he turned to me, I was even delighted.
Sexual Energy Is The Most Lively And Unpredictable Energy Within Us
Unfortunately, despite the access to all kinds of information and sexual sophistication that is present in our society, I often come across the fact that people do not understand what natural sexuality is. Our minds are constrained by some superficial, learned ideas about sex.
The ABC Of Success In Viktorovsky, Or How To Know Yourself Through Holes
Recently, stubborn advertising of Burlan's "system-vector psychology" has begun to creep into the networks more and more often. Out of curiosity, I decided to understand what kind of animal this is. I dug a little (fortunately, it's easy to do on the Internet), and found that the founder of all this was a certain Tolkachev V.
About Creative Stupor Or Black Holes Of Creativity
Somehow I became very interested in astrophysics, which led me to an insight into creativity. Namely, I had a great analogy about black holes and creative stupor. What is a black hole? Forgive me professional physicists, I will present it as I saw it.
Gold Patch
Once, while walking around the Internet, I came across a description of an ancient Japanese art called "Kintsugi". This word in translation means "gold patch", and the art itself is the restoration of ceramic dishes with the help of a special varnish.
