Jealousy As A Marker Of Attachment Disorder

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The problem of jealousy occupies an important place in the context not only of relations between a man and a woman, but also in the process of a person's formation and his interaction both in the family and in the social world

The psychoanalytic understanding of the phenomenon of jealousy gives us the opportunity to look deep into this dynamic mental process, understand the origins of its formation and compare it with our own life experience.

This article is intended to give a broader understanding of the phenomenon of "jealousy" and explore why it is necessary, what information carries about the inner world of a person and his relationship with others.

Jealousy is directly related to the ability to love. As D. Vinnikot writes in his article “Jealousy”: “Jealousy arises from the fact that children love. If they are not capable of love, then they do not show jealousy either."

That is, the phenomenon of jealousy will be manifested if attachment and connection with an object that is loved and valuable is formed. The fear of losing him triggers the mechanism of jealousy. But there is also pathological jealousy, which begins to destroy a person, his relationship and partner.

For what reasons does jealousy become destructive to both the personality and everything that surrounds him?

Jealousy appears when there is a third participant. Moreover, he may not be real, but be in the realm of the jealous's fantasies. The presence of a real or imaginary rival can give a hint to the psychoanalyst at what stage of his inner development a person is. With an illusory rival, we can say that a person is in a pre-oedipal stage of development; in the presence of a real one, a transition to the oedipal stage of development is possible.

The feeling of possessiveness and the desire to possess the object of love completely give the psychologist a beacon that necessary talk about a neurotic need for an object of attachment. In connection with what such a need arises, where a person seeks to return to the dyad or even to the womb, where there is nothing but the object of love? The answer to this question can be found in the study of the deficit of love in the history of a person's life. The higher the deficit, the more pronounced the need to be with the object of love, to control it because of the fear of loss, to scream out of despair in their mental pain. In adulthood, this need is transferred to the partner, who becomes the one who must fill and satisfy this part. But usually the partner cannot do this, since he is not a mother to his partner. And then anger, revenge and rage descend upon him with renewed vigor. Usually, the jealous partner thinks that all these feelings are for him, which brings in some sense satisfaction and confirmation that the partner loves him. But if we look deeper, then all these feelings were not accepted by loved ones, parents, neither love, nor hatred, nor despair were understood. And an important aspect in the psychotherapy of this client is the creation of such a space where these feelings will be accepted, integrated and burned out.

Jealousy is inextricably linked with envy: there is a third who is better, bigger, faster, more beloved. And this third has something very valuable that attracts the object of love. The second part of the hatred falls on the third participant: he begins to be controlled and attacked and destroyed both in his fantasies and in the real world. This feeling torments, exhausts a person and his environment. The ability to love and perceive oneself as “good,” with a positive self-image, eases the state of envy and anger. Envy shows a person the place where it hurts a lot. And it can become a resource for realizing both its resources and deficits. Her careful research from a non-judgmental, non-judgmental position reveals a “festering” wound that the psychologist and the client are “working on”.

Primary trauma in basic trust to the world and to people it also strikes its blows according to the degree of intensity of jealousy. When a person cannot speak openly about their fears, pain, despair and self-doubt as in a good object that can be loved. Such people will not trust anyone, since at the very beginning of their journey they were "betrayed". Resentment and feelings of injustice remain their faithful companion for many years and are projected onto their partner. And already the partner becomes that terrible, bad object who is not able to love and understand.

The deeper the trauma associated with basic trust, attachment, expressing anger and experiencing pain, understanding and explaining what reality looks like, the more intense the experience of jealousy.

And the more a person experienced himself as valuable, good and loved, the more he develops the ability to experience jealousy without consequences for himself, his partner and relationships.

The theme of jealousy is an obligatory companion of love. It's all about measure …