2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In therapy, clients often ask: What can I do about it? How can this be changed? I don't want this to be in my life, how can I remove it? To which I answer:
Do not know.
And that's fair. Because I do not know what would be the best solution for the situation for a person, because I do not know about his experience and values, based on which the person makes this decision. I have not gone through his life in "shoes" until now. I, as an outside observer, at the same time, included in a piece of his life, can direct, support, help make a choice (which is always for the client). Together with him, I can get a "magnifying glass" and examine his problem from different angles. I can suggest that he move to a more "sunny" place and look at his situation from there. I can help him find the strength to cope with this.
The recognition of this kind of "powerlessness" that I really don't know what to do, returns the client to responsibility for the therapy process, for HIS choices. It gives him this activity, on the energy of which the process of therapy is subsequently built. Relying on his feelings, on his needs, without imposing any advice or ready-made solutions on the part of the psychologist, the client moves towards what he really needs. And not what is "right in society, important for others." The client not only gains experience to rely on himself, but also builds up forces that will be useful to him in the future for making decisions, resolving any situations in life. Advice, however, makes a person dependent on the opinions of another person, or is aimed at shifting the responsibility of the client to another (therapist). And if the advice did not help, then you can always find the "guilty". There are, of course, exceptions. When the advice of a psychologist helped the client. But sometimes the therapy ends there.
Hence the discontent directed at the psychotherapist … "Here … she just sits, listens to me, does nothing, sometimes gives advice, but this is not enough for me … for which I generally pay her so much money." This, indeed, is sometimes not enough. There is a certain percentage of clients who find it easier just to talk about their difficulties. But there is a good chance of not making headway in this contact simply by speaking words or getting advice.
Advice is a place where a person (therapist) proceeds from his experience of resolving a situation, sometimes depriving the client of this valuable experience. Imagine the situation. The client in therapy has reached something important for himself. The discovery is about to happen, insight! The client could have gained valuable experience, but no. The psychologist here gives advice that seems to fit, is woven into this experience, but the moment is missed. And the client seems to be satisfied, he received an answer to his question, but some itchy feeling of dissatisfaction remains. This sensation is sometimes like marking time.
Therefore, it is important for the client to take activity into his own hands, to show interest in his life, in situations, in the very process of therapy. If you, as a client, are unhappy with the therapy process, talk about it with your therapist, about your feelings, about your feelings that nothing is happening. And remember that the psychologist is only a guide on the path of difficulties.
Successful therapy!
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