How To Quickly Get Out Of A Relationship With A Narcissist In 3 Steps?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How to quickly get out of a relationship with a narcissist so as not to suffer for years from the consequences that the person has left in your soul?

Here are 3 steps to quickly end your relationship with a narcissist and ease your heartache in 2-3 months. Of course, the length of the relationship with the narcissist also matters. Moreover, at the beginning of the relationship, it is worth determining whether your partner is a narcissist. If he really is a terry daffodil, it is better to leave than try to change anything. You see that a person is amenable to change, you can try to somehow build a relationship with him.

So, you understand that you are emotionally unable to pull a partner, take responsibility for yourself. If we talk about true narcissism in the border zone (closer to psychotic), then such a narcissist will destroy you. And so that you do not "crumble" and survive, save yourself, it is better to make a decision to break off relations earlier.

First of all, you must make a firm decision - you will not 100% step back or towards reconciliation. You definitely decided to break up with this person, because he is destroying you.

The first step is to cut off all contacts, stop communication as much as possible. Give your partner all his belongings, if you don’t want to return something from the donated gift to you, hide it as far as possible for a year and forget it. If we are talking about a large purchase, for example, a car, sell and buy another for the same money so that it is not associated with a person; exchange house or apartment. The recommendations are general, and you assess the situation according to your capabilities, because this is an energy-consuming business.

What is a funeral really for? While we are in a state of shock, we are involved in the funeral ritual, we do a lot of activities, and then the process of mourning becomes more bearable. Likewise, with parting - there must be some kind of ritual that will take up your time and energy, you will have less strength to cry and kill for a person, sink into depression. However, we are all different, and everyone in such situations may have their own needs - someone just after such a volitional decision needs time to be in grief, and only then a person will be able to start some ritual processes.

It is not necessary to interrupt communication with your partner. If you have common children, ideally it would be nice for the father or mother to communicate through relatives. If this option is not possible (look at the child's age), it may be better for him to buy a mobile phone, let him talk to mom / dad. Do not interrupt the child's communication with the other parent. Your relationship concerns only the two of you, and the child will grow up and understand everything who is who, and who has caused whom more pain.

Children love mom and dad equally, and it is important for them to keep the image of their parents good. That is why you should not say that “dad is bad,” “dad hurts mom,” etc. - then the child is torn inside. Sort it out yourself, do not involve him in a conflict, let's communicate with the father / mother, but try to communicate yourself to a minimum. If you still have to communicate, then strictly on the case. No questions: "How are you?", "How are you?", "What happened yesterday?" Everything is strict: “Do you need to talk to the child? - Okay "," Do you need to pick up something? " - Please "," I need this from you - let's figure it out. " Set clear boundaries, for daffodils this is violated, especially in the border zone. The clearer the border, the less the partner will somehow shake you. It is really difficult for a borderline narcissistic person to set boundaries, but be adamant about the decision, hold on.

The second step is to regain yourself, to regain your adequate self-esteem, an adequate look at yourself. Precisely adequate - you are not to blame, everything is in order with you. This is the main emotion that remains after the relationship with the narcissist, the main burden. As if you want to return to the relationship with this person again and say: “No, well, look! I'm so correct, normal! You shouldn't have accused me of being an egoist, greedy, evil person. I'm normal . This is a painful desire and desire, when you really want to come and prove, bang your head against the wall.

Understand your roots of this feeling, he did not make you such a person, not a narcissist. You had some narcissistic notes in your relationships with your relatives (parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles - everyone who took part in your upbringing, with whom you spent a lot of time in childhood). Maybe there was a negative message in your direction (you are worthless, you cannot do something, you don’t do something), you felt some kind of devaluating and criticizing attitude towards yourself, you tried to prove that the “right child” is for to keep the parent's love, including his life, safety. And now you want to continue to prove something in your relationship with the narcissist. Very often a person chooses a narcissist as a partner (especially in a long-term relationship), because mom and dad had a cold look, as if through him there was no warmth and emotional contact. Accordingly, such a person in adulthood will look for a cold narcissistic partner, with the same cold look “through”, who sees nothing but himself, in order to still prove “No, well, look, everything is fine with me, I’m not evil - I am kind and I try for you, I care! . And here is an important point - the more you give to the narcissist, the more he will get you, there will be no feedback. Believe me, you will receive absolutely nothing in response to your actions and attempts to prove something. The more you try, the more the person will turn away, reject you. If you are currently in a relationship with a narcissist and are not going to break off relations with him, stop trying for him, making yourself out of yourself who you really are not.

Why is it difficult in a relationship with a narcissist? The narcissist strongly envelops you with his web of compliments and flattery, causes great and sweet pleasure from how he exalts you - he really idealizes, admires, says nice things (How cool you are! How smart you are! How sexy you are! How good I am with you!). In fact, this thrill that is fed to you is the cobweb. And once you get into it, after a while you will feel immobilized. You are an ideal person, very smart, interesting and caring, correct, and you cannot become wrong, allow yourself to do some other action next to your partner. However, sooner or later, this will happen - and then you will feel a sharp collapse and depreciation.

Moreover, even if you have not done anything wrong, but continue to bend this line, the narcissist, being around, will feel shame (he will be ashamed that he is untenable next to you), and will begin to instill this in you. A person does not want to know and recognize anything about himself, to rethink his actions and feel - no, the narcissist wants you to feel it. This is where the mechanism of projective identification is triggered - you will feel wrong (you are doing something wrong, or say something), awkward, shrinking strongly inside, trying to become ideal. The narcissist cannot experience himself as imperfect - and even more so, you. Moreover, if a person is angry, he begins to provoke his partner to aggression (some jokes or words). And you really are already starting to get angry, raise your voice and hear in response: "You are evil / evil!". The dialogue looks something like this: “You mean, evil? You brought me! " - “No, I was joking, nothing like that! You thought I was just joking. You don't understand the joke! "And that's it - you've been labeled "evil." And then you begin to prove that this is not so.

Stop doing this and bring back your characteristics (who you are and what kind of person) within yourself. Yes, I can be angry if provoked (I'm angry, I don't always like this trait, but it is). Yes, sometimes I'm greedy, I don't like to share. Yes, sometimes selfish, I think about myself. And that is actually good and saves you energy. Remember everything that your narcissist told you in a depreciating tone to which you reacted painfully, and give it back to yourself. Somewhere it was true, somewhere not - you are an ordinary person with different emotions, experiences, actions. You have every right to make mistakes, but inside you are okay. If you have friends, some kind of environment, they have not turned away from you, then you are not a narcissist, everything is normal with you, people communicate with you, you can be with other people, so pushing all the words into the background is not true … Come up with counterarguments for each accusation. And most importantly - do not constantly scroll these obsessive thoughts in your head, understand that you are a normal person (after a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to regain your normality).

The third step is to create a positive, kind and supportive environment that can give feedback about you. You will feel exactly adequate flattery (as a rule, a person becomes uncomfortable if there is no trauma in the compliment zone; or he feels stupidity in some situation). Determine if you feel flattery from someone in particular or from just one person - this will become the criterion. However, it is important to get adequate feedback in the right context. When you feel that the person cares about you, the criticism will be very gentle and gentle. Restore contacts with your family, and at the time of the breakup, these can be healing and some pleasant moments in relationships with loved ones.

The best option is people of your age, what is called a sibling position in your environment (people approximately 10 years older / younger than you). You may have different experiences, but in principle, you are not in a vertical position in relation to each other. For example, if you are 30 years old, and a person from your environment is 50 years old (closer to the age of parents), in this case he will be more edifying for you. Try to communicate more with colleagues - not in the context of your breakup, but simply so that you are not eaten by obsessive thoughts ("I'm bad!") And there is no desire to prove something to the narcissist. Stop this process! Tell yourself: “I am good, I will not prove anything to anyone! I know that, and that's enough for me! " And believe me - there will definitely be a person who will see your qualities, understand you and appreciate you!