2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How often, in a relationship with a married man, women hear - you wait, I'll get a divorce soon …
Wait, the child will go to school … Wait, my wife (child, mother) is sick, and as soon as she recovers, I’ll tell you right away and I’ll leave my wife … Wait, I’ll pay off my debts … Wait, I’ll get up on my feet … Wait … Wait …
Time passes, promises multiply, and a man, as he walked between his wife and his mistress, still walks.
Moreover, at this very time, relations with his wife and children often become much better than they were before the appearance of the mistress. And what else, because a mistress is a donor for the family in which the man lives.
If everything is fine in the relationship between a husband and wife, then a mistress is simply not needed. After all, to talk, to satisfy the need to be understood and accepted, the need for sex, the need for safety, care, etc., husband and wife can with each other. They just don't need someone else.
And it is to them, and not to someone alone.
You can often hear that the mistress is evil, she destroys the family … But in fact, the mistress cannot destroy the family, simply because she cannot appear in the field of this family, because the third one, when it comes to the family, is just superfluous.
Moreover, it's very convenient. Ah, my husband has a mistress, he is so and so … As if before her appearance, the family was just a family and everything was good for her.
When I say that everything is fine in the family, I do not mean peace and quiet and God's grace. I mean, two adults know how to solve their own and joint problems on their own. Not hiding his head in the sand, not looking for the guilty, not each living on his own and not falling into the role of daddy and mommy.
A woman, of course, does not become a mistress because of a good life. And no matter how many mistresses say that they are already good. And that they initially knew what they were doing and they did not want a serious relationship with this man. It is not true.
They want to, but they are afraid to admit it to themselves.
Just as it is not true that they went into this relationship because there are simply no free men. Behind this choice of a married man, there are always some fears and attitudes of their own. For example, fear of close relationships, fear of starting a family, fear of loneliness (even with a married person, if only not alone). Transferring the image of the ideal dad to this man. And you can't marry dad.
Time passes, the man does not leave the family, but ends the relationship with his mistress. It so happens that the wife found out, it happens that he himself is tired of this mistress, it happens that the mistress herself left. And now, it would seem, if a man broke up with his mistress, then everything in the family will be fine now … And the mistress will find a free man and create a family with him, having suffered with the married one.
But in fact, if the husband and wife did not learn the lessons about what happened and why the mistress appeared, then after a while history will repeat itself. And now the wife can find a lover. And it's not about revenge. After all, from revenge, her resentment will not disappear. And again about the fact that they can no longer be together, without a third person. Both can find lovers, it also happens.
And the mistress? The mistress, not realizing that she is preventing her from building a serious relationship with a free man, will again find a married one, or someone who, although not married, is far from about a family.
It also happens that a man really wanted to leave the family for his mistress, but did not leave, because he … I just want to say a good boy, and he could not do that and did not look for more mistresses, but … But for the rest of his life he was thinking about her. And during sex with his wife he represented the very same mistress … He did not leave the family, there is no physical betrayal and there is no relationship with his wife as with a beloved woman either. The husband is depressed, the wife is the same … There is no donor-mistress. There is no mutual understanding, no energy.
If you entertain yourself with the illusion that in the absence of happiness, joy, love, in your family, the mistress (the wife's lover) is to blame, or everything was fine with you, and she (he) suddenly appeared, then it's time to slow down and take a closer look at yourself and closer to your partner.
By asking yourself questions:
- why did this third person appear in your field?
- what function does it perform?
- from what protects you personally (yes, it is you)?
- how does it help you personally?
- why do you take his energy into your family field?
- how does he help to preserve the family?
The appearance of the third is not a collapse, it is an important moment in redefining the relationship between husband and wife. And also in reconsidering the relationship with oneself. Indeed, in fact, a wife or husband always guesses about the appearance of a mistress (lover), but they cannot always admit it to themselves.
But in fact, the sooner a husband and wife see that their relationship is not about family, the less likely a third will appear.
And if this third has already appeared, then the sooner they understand that this very third is holding the family boat, the more chances there are to reconsider their relationship and reach a new level.
If you can't figure out yourself and your family on your own, then there are special people for this, they are called psychologists.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Recommended:
In The Absence Of Children In Marriage, I Believe It Is Quite Possible To Get Divorced. If You Have Children, You Need To Think Hard
Source: ezhikezhik.ru Is it possible to swear in front of a child, do children adopt parental models of behavior, what to do if you want to get a divorce, and do you need to live with a husband who yells and humiliates? Family and child psychologist Katerina Murashova reports.
How You Were Born Affects Your Life, And Can You Get Out Of This Influence?
Birth. Dedicated to all of us, amazing babies))) I have always followed my heart, even in science. And so, when I was deeply impressed by the discoveries of Stanislav Grof, I had to face different reactions of people to this information.
When You Shouldn't Wait For A Miracle Or Myths About The Work Of A Psychologist
Often, having decided to seek help from a psychologist, a newly minted client believes in the miracle of psychology and is faced with false ideas about the work of a psychologist. This, in turn, generates overestimated and unjustified expectations from the process and / or the specialist himself.
Rule 11. What You Present Is What You Get. Visualization. How To Visualize Correctly?
How to visualize correctly? To answer this question, you first need to understand what is visualization? Basically, the visualization process is the act of imagining colorful and rich pictures that helps to achieve the intended goal faster.
Did You Recognize Yourself? You Will Soon Have To Visit A Child Psychologist
I am often consulted with children. The smallest client was 1, 5 years old. And although the psychologist has very few tools for working with such a visitor, a lot of information makes it possible to observe the interaction between parent and child.
