2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Loss or gain?
"Gave up a weekend in Vienna or Barcelona for a weekend in Paris." Any decision-making is a choice in favor of one thing, and at the same time a rejection of alternatives. (At least within the same time span). The mental "optical illusion" is that until we have made a decision, it seems to us that, theoretically, we have a lot of possibilities. And by choosing only one path, we abandon dozens of others that we have already felt at our fingertips. However, it only seems so. After all, it's one thing to imagine different scenarios for the development of events, and it is quite another thing to live one thing in the real world.
When we choose something pleasant, these rejections are not so painful. True, for example, for people with an oral depressive character, any need to limit their needs is excruciating. Traumatized by their undersatisfaction in infancy, they carry in themselves a longing for what has not happened even in adulthood. Figuratively speaking, even going to Paris, they will grieve about the uncomplicated trip to Barcelona. It is said of such people that for them "the glass is always half empty."
Choosing for yourself
When the choice is painful (for example, divorce, dismissal, moving for family reasons), it is very important for good spirits to periodically remind yourself why this very choice is made for the best.
Moreover, we not only make our own choice, but also "by ourselves" we live. In this case, it is important to ask yourself: "Who am I becoming as a result of my choice?"
Also, making a decision is somewhat an act of aggression. And for people who have problems with aggression, who find it difficult to say "No", decision making can also be a difficult process. After all, choosing, we leave one thing, and, figuratively speaking, mentally destroy other options. At the same time, by our behavior we declare ourselves to those around us. Thus, making a choice, we pay for it by becoming a little less "white and fluffy", "neutral".
Denial of security
Strategic, life-defining decisions are also hampered by our inherent anxiety about freedom. Because the statement of your decision is the presentation of yourself to the world, and to yourself. Now it will no longer be possible to hide behind proven routine decisions, to present them to the world instead of yourself, thereby shifting responsibility for your life to the traditions and instructions invented before us.
In general, it makes sense to come to terms with the fact that the loss of any alternative possibilities is the most that neither is the loss (as if it were about the possession of a valuable object or a dear relationship). It is worthwhile to emotionally pass it through yourself, give yourself time to be sad and sad. And then be sure to look at the good, the best, for the sake of which the choice is ultimately made.
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