Daddy Left Us

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Dad left us.

Divorce is delicate, difficult and unpleasant.

Two people don't just stop being husband and wife. Everyone married with their own expectations, aspirations, hopes. With their values, life story.

Divorce becomes evidence of personal failure, failure, loss. Not all couples dare to see a family counselor. If not to preserve the relationship, but at least for a less painful ending. I see the reason for this, on the one hand, in low awareness (to go to a psychologist so as not to part with enemies is an excellent reason), on the other hand, in the strength of the protective mechanisms of the psyche, which stop people from touching difficult experiences.

When there is a lot of pain, feelings of insecurity, injustice, anger, when there are own traumas coming from the parental family, then divorce can become more difficult.

If children are born in a marriage, then it is almost impossible not to involve them in the redistribution of relations.

The woman's phrase "Daddy left us" is an illustration of this retraction.

Divorce actualizes in a woman childhood experiences of the trauma of rejection, security, stability. In an attempt to cope with this, the wounded child part of a woman can already seek support from her own child, as the only close person. That is, in fact, the child replaces the parent's figure.

“Daddy left us” - a cry for help from a child who was left alone again.

Parents are a prism, a yardstick, with the help of which a child learns to know the world and himself. An adult, whose prism was a curve, distorting the reality of the external world and its internal, will bring this tracing paper into his adult life.

A small digression. When they say that we have a curse on women in our family because they are all getting divorced, then this is about this very tracing paper. Ancestral curses are family scenarios, styles of behavior that were reinforced by traumatic experiences at the very beginning and conclusions in the form of attitudes that are passed from mother to daughter over several generations.

So, a woman, seeing in the child the only native person, unites with him in a painful form of intimacy - merging - and turns the child into a participant in a divorce between her and her husband. As if the child and the woman are one. Daddy left US.

Whereas divorce occurs between husband and wife, and not between mother-children and husband.

Unfortunately, a child in this situation is not able to set a boundary between parents and tell adults that their divorce is their business, and is forced to accept the role of a small adult parent.