2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I love therapeutic fairy tales very much. I am sharing one of them. Perhaps it is very important for someone.
A woman came to God to ask only one question: - Lord, why am I trying to live according to conscience and according to the laws, I do not offend anyone, I am gentle and friendly with everyone, I work a lot, but there is still no happiness?
- Why do you think? - asked the Lord.
- It's because of mom. I had a very tough mom. She never caressed me, did not praise, did not approve, did not support, only criticized, insulted, humiliated and scolded me. I could never trust her, because she made fun of me and told my childhood secrets to everyone, and even with her ironic comments. She brought me and drove me into a rigid framework, it was even difficult for me to breathe. She limited my freedom and did not give me freedom. She imposed her own rules on me and forbade a lot. I was even forbidden to cry!
- Have you tried to do something about all this? The Lord asked curiously.
“I tried, tried very hard, but now I think it was all in vain,” she answered sadly. - All the time I tried to prove to my mother that I can do a lot. I studied well, worked not out of fear, but out of conscience, I helped people, I tried my best to be a good girl so that my mother would appreciate me and say: "Well, now you are great, I am proud of you."
- Have you achieved your goal?
- No. Many years have passed, but nothing has changed. She is still unhappy with me and all the time tries to hook me, humiliate me, upset me. She's still the same. And her words and actions hurt me all the same painfully.
“It means that you are all the same,” the Lord explained. - What was, this is. You are the Victim. And if there is a Sacrifice, the Tyrant must appear. For you, your mother agreed to fulfill this role.
- But I am no longer a child! I grew up! - objected the woman, who seemed wounded. - Why did there become even more Tyrants in my life? I am tyrannized by all and sundry: mom, bosses, even colleagues!
- Because you still do not take responsibility for yourself, you are looking for the guilty and you are offended by your mother and me for the fact that we made you weak. Well, we don't mind - become strong!
- I am different, I have lived for many years, I have changed, I have achieved certain success!
- Nothing changed! And all your achievements lose their value, because they were not made from pure motives.
- And from which ones? - she was offended and amazed.
- For reasons of pride. Mom humiliated you - you wanted to rise above her. Mom criticized you - you wanted to prove to her that you were not like that. You don't feel happy because your ultimate goal was deliberately unattainable. You didn't want to change yourself, you wanted your mother to change.
“Yes, perhaps you’re right,” the woman said after thinking. - Probably so. But I still don't understand: why did she do this to me? For what? What did I do?
- Nothing. The fact of the matter is that you did nothing. Perhaps she expected something special from you?
- What?
- And let's ask her soul - the Lord suggested and snapped his fingers. Immediately, the image of the mother appeared nearby - almost like a living one, only translucent. The Lord spoke to her:
- Hello, soul. Your daughter came to me. She asks: why did you bring her up exactly the way you did it? What did you want to give her?
“I wanted to give her strength. She grew up so weak, so unadapted and completely unable to stand up for herself. In her relationship with me, she had to learn to protect the boundaries of her personal space. She had to harden herself and allow herself to be tough when necessary, learn to say "no" and directly declare her interests. I still don't see the result, but I will try again and again. This is what I must and want to give to my daughter, so that she inherits hers, and that she inherits hers. May there never be any more Sacrifices in our family.
- Aren't you afraid that she might hate you?
- I'm trying to achieve this. Because by allowing herself to hate, she will learn to love. In the meantime, she only knows how to feel sorry for herself and others, as weak as she is, and this takes all her life force. She does not even allow herself to complain, accumulating unspoken tears, and from this she becomes more and more weak. What can she inherit to her children?
- What do you expect from her?
“I’m waiting for her to say firmly in response to my attacks:“Mom, stop!” When she becomes an adult. When the Tyrants leave her, because they will respect her boundaries. When she no longer needs her stepmother. When can I finally rest and be a mom. Just a mom …
Fairy Tales Elfiki, Irina Semina
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