2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
He drinks. As a person - good. And ruffy when sober. And when he gets drunk, which is not uncommon, he starts to break everything. Can raise his hand to his wife. Has already begun to aim at children.
She doesn't go away. Working woman. Could have already crookedly, but left the husband of an alcoholic tyrant. Instead, she masks the marks of the beatings under her clothes and makeup. Or drinks sedative and heart drops after alcoholic terror from her husband.
Why doesn't she leave?
Such a woman will find 1000 and 1 excuse. “Well, what about? After all, we have children!”,“So a good man! If not for the vodka! I go to church, light a candle so that he quit drinking! Will definitely help! The main thing is patience!”,“But what about him without me? It will disappear after all! etc.
Sometimes, such a wife begins to attach herself to the glass more and more often.
Codependency. It's not just about alcoholism. This is true for the following forms of addiction: drug addiction, love and sexual addiction. An addiction that a loving person supports in him, presenting it as something that he “fights”, “helps”.
There are different approaches to understanding the reasons for this behavior. Let's take a look at them.
1. In one of the paradigms, "the theory of anxious personality" / Horney /, it was argued that the alcoholic's wife contributes to the husband's dependence on the needs of her own anxious personality. Proponents of this theory described the wives of alcoholics as sick and in need of sick and defective husbands to cover up their own problems.
In the practice of psychologists, there are often similar examples to the following. A man seeks help from a psychologist. His marriage is crumbling against the background of periodic, but very strong binges. After such a man receives qualified help, the following 2 variants of events may occur. After a while, the wife pours it out to her husband, saying, “That’s a glass! You were healed! Now we will heal!”,“Drop by drop! For the mood, come on? " The man goes to the "denouement". If not, then the family falls apart.
Women of "anxious personality" will provoke their men to deepen their addiction. In this case, the scenario is repeated.
2. Family scenario. The husband and wife grew up in families where there was a person suffering from addiction. People have no other experience of behavior patterns. After some time in their married life, they begin to reproduce the scenario of parental families in their own. In this case, someone - a rescuer - takes responsibility for another, who is allowed to be dependent in the family by role.
“My mother lived like this, my grandmother and grandfather suffered the same way. So it’s written in the family”,“This is my cross, I will carry it”.
3. Female pathological over-concern for the addict. The problems of a dependent person become pivotal in the life of an entire family.
4. Codependency as chronic stress. Those. in a person who lives too long with an addicted person, the stress threshold exceeds the norm of adaptability to stress. The strength is absolutely gone. Psychosomatic diseases come in, resources are depleted. Such a person simply does not have the strength to leave and he gets involved.
Although the phenomenon of codependency has taken root in the minds of specialists, it is still not recognized as a clinical disease.
HOW NOT TO GET IN THE TRAP OF DEPENDENCE?
- you are responsible only for your own life and for the life of your children who have not reached the age of majority. Thus, you should not endanger your life and, moreover, the life of children for the benefit of a dependent person;
- negative manifestations on the part of an addicted person should not be encouraged;
- addiction is the addict's choice, and there is no need to look for and come up with reasons to justify the addict;
- look at things realistically, and not through the veil of past memories of a good person, and do not justify his actions.
Come out of the Karpman triangle - persecutor - victim - savior. Where the persecutor is the subject of addiction, the victim is the addict, and you are the savior.
Live within your own boundaries, do not violate others and do not let your own.
Recommended:
Manipulation And Manipulators: How To Understand That You Are Being Controlled And Not Get Hooked?
It so happened that in this world there are a lot of people who have and with might and main use their ability to lead others. And the main thing here is to correctly and in a timely manner determine in whose interests they are acting - general, yours, or, perhaps, your own?
Vulnerability And Responsibility Part 2 (connection Between Sacrifice, Dependence And Lack Of Responsibility)
In the previous part, we briefly looked at how lack of responsibility and decision-making skills are correlated with mental retardation. That women, due to social upbringing, have more problems with these skills than men. Therefore, therapy in men is more often faster and easier.
Personal And Social Identity Of Persons With Chemical Dependence And Disabilities
Currently, the problem of social adaptation of disabled people is quite acute. The number of persons with disabilities in our country is approximately 8.8% of the total population of the country, these data determine the relevance of the study of this problem.
Analytical Setting As A Fairytale Motif: "And I Was There, Drinking Honey-beer - It Was Flowing Down My Mustache, But I Didn't Get Into My Mouth "
"And I was there, drinking honey-beer - It was flowing down my mustache, but I didn't get into my mouth …" This is the final round of the plot. At this point, the storyteller, or observer, appears in the tale. Which simultaneously declares the reality of everything that happens in the plot, voicing that "
What Are You Looking Into My Eyes - There You Will Not Find Fear I Believe In The Lord God And In Myself
I'll write it down and continue, no, I will never quit Otherwise it's worthless to squeeze a notebook every night I'll write it down and continue, no, I will never quit I ask every day and, I see, was heard From the song "I'll write it down and that's it"
