2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When I was 11-17, my mother didn't tell me anything. I was supposed to know everything myself. The responsibility for my enlightenment was assigned to the "street" and a close friend. The friend did not know about this and did not fulfill her "duties". On the first day of my period, I was sure that I was dying. Why did my parents have no doubts that I knew everything - I’m not putting my mind to it.
Maybe they just didn't understand how to talk to me? About menstruation, sex, contraception, pregnancy, love. How to talk about it with a teenager? They didn't talk to me.
And when I talk to my daughter now, it's like a spacewalk … I'm trying to find my words. I, too, like my parents, at some point it seemed that she knew everything for sure. With their modern capabilities, with unlimited access to any information, with so many educational videos for adolescents - about first sex, about deprivation of virginity, about all types of sex … Where can we go with our books on sex education.))
But it turned out that this is not the case. Recently I was "lucky" to spend a week in the gynecology department, girls were constantly brought to my ward with the threat of pregnancy failure. For some of them, pregnancy was shocking news. These were girls 19, 20, 25 years old … I was amazed that they were practically children, not far from my fourteen-year-old daughter, confused, disoriented, poorly thinking about what is coming, frightened … now forced to make a choice in favor of pregnancy or abortion.
It seems that modern adolescents and young people know everything and can, because they have access to the Internet, which we did not have at the time
But no. It's easy to drown in these megabytes of information, it's easy to buy into some complete nonsense, believing another teenage blogger.
To talk to a teenager, you need to throw out of your head everything that our mothers and grandmothers were publicly or not publicly broadcasting - “look, you bring it in the hem”, “behave yourself”, “don't you dare”.
Times have changed. You can start having sex before marriage. Yes, and it is strange now to demand from a girl or a guy to marry at the age of 16-18 or to protect virginity until 25-35, when he or she finds the only one with whom he wants to live his whole life.
The average age at the onset of sexual activity is 17 years for girls and 16 for boys. At this time, it is strange to demand legalization of relations with the object of love.
To have sex with a girl, you do not need to be "old enough", take responsibility for her and her life. It is enough to take responsibility for ensuring that the girl does not become pregnant. This is the only thing a 15-18 year old boy can do.
And further, you can live together, study, work, run a joint household, have a common or separate budget. You can live with your parents and meet when they leave "to the dacha" or suddenly spend the night with a friend is quite legal. To converge, disperse, change their lives, leave for another country, part, meet, find a new love or return to an old one.
The world does not require a girl to preserve her virginity before marriage, and it no longer requires marriage. A girl studies, makes a career, meeting with different young people, and whether she wants to live with one of them, maintain a joint budget, create a family and have children is already her own business.
In today's world, intimacy is paramount. proximity of interests, emotional contact, sensual sex, fullness of relationships
It is much more difficult than getting married, because it's time, or by flight, because without marriage you are not a full-fledged member of society, or without a man, his protection and his money in this world cannot be lived.
No. There is freedom and the opportunity to be alone and at the same time to be full, and the opportunity to never have children and live for your own money and at your own expense, and make your life interesting and fulfilling.
Now only closeness is needed from a man. The joy of being together. The feeling is not loneliness. Which, by the way, may not pass, even with the beginning of life together. Therefore, it is so difficult to find someone with whom you really want to live.
Therefore, the messages to teenage girls have changed.
Key message: “Don't let things you don't want to do to yourself. Do not go for what you are not ready for. Do not rush to sex, you need to grow up to it. When this happens, insist on a condom."
Seemingly simple things. But how difficult it is to say this to a child … to your little child. My daughter is 14. And for me she is a child who looks at the world with wide eyes. And so I want her to stay longer … So that neither early abortions, nor use, nor violence will touch her. So that she can defend her boundaries, understand the difference between love and “dislike”, even covered by “care”. She could say no at any time (at any!). I would not be ashamed, I would not be sure that I should - in gratitude for love, for a good attitude, for tenderness … So that she retains her sensitivity, so that her inner tuning fork would tell her unmistakably what she wants and is the person next to her. So that she can trust herself, focus on herself, trust her feelings, know how to refuse and refuse if this is not the right time and at the wrong time, and at the same time retain her sensuality and sexuality that opens up like a bright flower.
it's so hard not to be ashamed, not to blame, not to intimidate to death with abortion and “guys who might want something strange” and at the same time say what needs to be said
Talk about how abortion looks like and about the sharpened spoon with which they scribble you from the inside and about the unbearable pulling pain and even more unbearable mental pain. And about the complexity of raising children at any age, but for now you are not 25 years old - especially. And about men and guys who may want something strange, and if it's strange, unpleasant, disgusting for you, then don't go for it.
I had to talk about these topics with the guys. Despite the availability of information, I was amazed at how many myths and various harmful garbage they have in their heads.
The first thing a teenager should know is that in Russia, there is an age of consent. And it's limited to 16 years. This means that only from the age of 16 a girl's “yes” is taken into account by the law. Previously, everything that happens will be regarded as seduction and violence, and it is very easy to get into prison.
Second, the man should take responsibility for safe sex. This is the most important thing he can do for a woman.
It so happened that 99% of contraception is what women have to do with their bodies and only 1% is assigned to men (condom and interrupted intercourse). But it is this percentage that works, or rather only its first half. Using a condom is simple and easy, it slightly reduces the sensitivity of the penis (which is sometimes not bad) - and this is an inexpensive price for your freedom and your future. You will not get sick with anything, your girlfriend will not get pregnant, you will not have to get married on the fly, they will not have abortions from you. You will only have wonderful memories and gratitude for the amazing sex.
I talked about the fact that you should not demand from a girl to take on the issues of contraception - insert a spiral for herself, drank hormonal pills every day, or apply a shock dose of them after unprotected sex. Yes, and in general you shouldn't think that your girlfriend knows about it. That she "like a woman" knows about all this. What was she told about it or she has it built into the basic settings. Most likely, she knows as much as you do, and maybe even less. So worry yourself. A condom is the remedy for most problems. And you should also worry about its presence yourself. That a girl can say no at any moment. This is her sacred right. By the way, you also have the right to refuse. But it so happened that in expressing it you have to be more correct.
Relationships aren't just about sex. it is also sensuality, care, a great time together. it is a joy to get to know each other, a joy to grow together
The love relationship of adolescents is very touching. They have a lot of tenderness, childishness, warmth, at the same time drive, carelessness, just becoming infected with adulthood and magical eroticism.
Not everyone in adolescence, school age was fortunate enough to experience shared love, a real "relationship". This is a special type of relationship, "puppy love", which cannot be repeated when you are over twenty and "have seen a lot")).
Therefore, it is both sad and joyful to observe this, that somewhere it is.
letting it be - not frighten off, not trample and at the same time set boundaries, talk, talk, be an intelligent, caring, careful adult next to - oh, and this is a difficult parental task
And in general, being parents, and especially the parents of a teenager, is not easy.
But we can handle it.)
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