Teens And Social Media

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I am often asked “How to control a teenager on social networks?”, “How much time can a teenager spend on the Internet?”, “Should gadgets be banned?”. I don't like the wording of the question with the words “control” or “prohibit”, so let's try to understand first the reasons why teenagers “leave” on social networks.

Why create an account on a social network? For communication. Actually, if you are reading this article, then, most likely, you are also now spending time on the social network. To begin with, communication is a vital need for a teenager. Why do many high school students go to school? That's right, in order to communicate! And that's okay.

Well-known psychologists call communication the main activity of a teenager. In the course of interaction with peers, he builds an “image of himself”, forms his value orientations, receives answers to important questions for him. Yes, communication at this age is really important, and not just “idle chatter”. But not all children manage to communicate easily. Most adolescents face such difficulties as: a feeling of loneliness, lack of friends, difficulty in establishing contact, lack of confidence in communication. Many teenagers ask themselves questions: how to be more confident and communicate easily? What if you are not accepted into the group? How to win the sympathy of other guys? Perhaps now these questions will seem insignificant to you, but through the eyes of a teenager, each question looks like a huge unknown world. Proven in hundreds of hours of teen counseling and training.

And if a child is unable to communicate “live”, for various reasons: due to lack of communication skills, high employment or other reasons, then where will he communicate? In the virtual world. Where it is easier. There is no need to come up first and choose words to get to know each other. Here no one will notice or laugh if he blushes with embarrassment. And if you don't know how to continue the conversation, you can simply press the "exit" button and end the conversation. Teenagers go to the “virtual world” when they are uncomfortable in the real world.

Now that we have answered the “why” question, it becomes clearer what to do about it. It is important to note that here we are talking about the "average" teenager (the last two words do not go well with each other), we are not considering cases of deviant behavior, mental disorders or computer addiction. So how do you negotiate with your child about using social media?

1. It is useless to ban all gadgets categorically. What to do? Agree on their use: which gadgets, when, how long and for what purpose. If you can't agree on your own, then with the help of a psychologist. I remember how my mother and her sixth-grader son approached me, who were constantly quarreling. Mom did not even want to listen to her son's requests and forbade him to approach the computer (she had a negative example of a friend with gambling addiction). While the son did not aspire to play computer games, but dreamed of mastering graphic design. When it became clear to everyone why the other side was doing this, they agreed. Yes, it's easier to just ban it without understanding the reasons. Perhaps the ban will even help solve a specific situation for a short time. But in the long run, this will only make the problem worse.
2. The child must be taught to communicate. Yes, communication needs to be taught, and that's okay. It would seem - "he already knows how to do it perfectly, chatting all day." Few are born with a natural talent to cope with their emotions, resolve conflict situations and brilliant oratorical skills. How to teach? First, demonstrate by example. Secondly, to organize a space for live informal communication with peers (there are many options: visits, trips, holidays, games, trainings, etc.). It is informal communication that, as a rule, is not enough for children who are busy with studies and additional activities. Already I foresee objections: “Let him do his homework first! And then he communicates informally”. Yes, let it be, just do not be afraid that the child will spend time in questionable groups on social networks (instead of doing homework).
3. Talk to your child, do not be afraid to answer his questions. Some time ago, a social advertisement was posted around the city with the similar text “If you don’t answer his question, he will ask Yandex”. Yes, he will. Are you sure that Yandex will answer his questions better than you? Of course, there are frightening, difficult questions that adults avoid discussing directly with children. In this case, you can say about your feelings: that you are now at a loss or you are also sad to think about it, thank the child for their trust (that he addressed this question first to you, and not to comrades or the Internet). And promise that you will definitely discuss it in a suitable setting (and keep the promise), or turn to the heroes of books or films and discuss them by their example. After all, the main thing is not your competence in this matter, but the very confidential communication.

The issues that we have now considered are, of course, ambiguous, and in each family these issues are resolved in different ways: someone decides, someone avoids or denies the existence of this problem. I remembered the situation when two mothers were talking in the corridor in front of our office: “I forbid mine to play on the phone”. Another mother: “Me too, I don't even have a phone. And where are the children?”. They turn around. The boys are sitting in an embrace on the couch and nervously playing "shooter" on the phone. The main thing that I wanted to say in this article is to approach this issue consciously. You may not be able to come to an agreement right away, and that's okay.