2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"Sympathy or pity?"
Irina, 34 years old. She has been married for 6 years.
Request for psychotherapy: "I am unhappy, I feel bad! Well, what am I doing wrong ?!"
The client starts:
"You know, I sulked at you and took offense for 2 weeks! And, in general, you as a psychotherapist did not understand me …"
I told you about such a painful thing! About her husband's life! And now it is so difficult for him, so difficult. He provides for our entire family, and there are two of us! Me and a child! I'll feed the little one, put him to bed, play, cook for everyone, arrange for the kindergarten, go to the hospital, walk with my son, wash, stroke, take care of everyone, take out the dog, clean up the shit cat, wash, dress, mom I will help him (although I don't like her).
And I look at my husband, I understand, I feel sorry for him! And he has problems with the boss, and it is difficult to earn money, and he pulls all this, and the salary is small. And the time is now. And, to change a job or a business … well, you know, it's difficult and he may not be able to cope and will get even more tired. And the time, I tell him, is now difficult. I sit side by side, I will pity him, wipe his snot, bangs to his forehead pritru.
And, you know, on the sly, I will borrow money and give it for a communal apartment, for panties for a child, and what products are expensive now! I will buy tasty treats for all of them, I sit, look at them and rejoice! To yourself ?! No! What for?? I'll be patient.
And, you know, my husband always comes home from work, sits down at the computer and I understand.. I'm tired, where should he do his child or help me ?! Let him rest.
And for a friend, everything in her personal life does not go well. Always in a hurry to help! I'm saving! Her husband beats her and doesn't give her money! Although there are no children, But she cannot leave. Reconciles with him all the time.
I'll sit down, cry, and what kind of life is this! Sorry for everyone..:(The psychotherapist enters the dialogue:
You know, I also feel sorry for … your husband!
-Truth?! - Irina asks with satisfaction.
Truth! Why ?! - she smiles sweetly at me:)
-Because you are next to him !!! I, I think, and you have no sex.. and pisya at 38 years old is bad and looks at the ground sadly ?!
-How do you know?! Already with poorly concealing aggression she asks me ?!
-Because the castration is in full swing. The usual consequences for themselves. In your case, normal!) I smile.
You, as I see it, handle everything. I reply sarcastically. Such a hero-rescuer Irina D'Arc! You have something to feel sorry for. But you do not believe in your spouse, you humiliate him, so happiness does not happen in life! Although he makes great use of your "good" and "heroic" deeds.
- I'm humiliating? I do not believe? - with wide open eyes she repeated..
Yes! The answer is … you feel sorry for him, as a small child or as a person without swearing, without legs and head!
😯 Pity is humiliation. You think that the other cannot cope without you! Will not come to its senses! Will not think of it! Will not do it! And he won't comb his bangs himself!
But each of us is a separate person! And this person has the right to make mistakes, to achieve, to his own life and bears responsibility for his own reality. What are you doing?
Disguise, take on what does not belong to you. You put yourself and your strength under the experience of others. Husband, girlfriend, etc.
And with your pity you kill any manifestations to develop to others.
-I do not understand! she screamed.
I continue to explain..
You know, when a child learns to walk, he always falls.
👉So Pity is when he fell, and you rush to him, whine, shout, and start to insure from all sides.
👍And empathy is when you shake off Small, kissed, smiled and rejoice at how character is formed and how your child takes the first steps, while, of course, you feel every bruise. They supported, patted and went to do OWN business!
Well, I'll add..
And you are engaged in others, because it is so scary to deal with YOURSELF.. and YOUR questions are so difficult to solve, and it is so strange to feel compassion for YOURSELF.. But that's another story!
You know, I sulked at you and took offense for 2 weeks! And, in general, you as a psychotherapist did not understand me..
…… and now, Thank you! I understood the difference between pity and empathy. And yes! My husband began to earn more, however, he has more responsibility! And he copes!:) And I began to sympathize with myself and do more with myself!:) And so … everything is getting better for us;) ❤
The name and dialogue have been changed a lot. And added some idiomatic expressions:)
(c) Oksana Holod.
Recommended:
Sympathy. Compassion. Empathy. Where Is It And Where Are You?
From people close to us, we waiting for sympathy at an unpleasant moment for us. When we were offended, humiliated and insulted, we want empathy . To share our grief over loss, we waiting for compassion . If you share your own suffering with others, then according to the laws of arithmetic, it will decrease, there will be more chances to cope with grief.
Abusers, Victims, Rescuers Which Of The Following Causes Pity, Sympathy, A Desire To Help?
Strange question, you may be thinking now. But in fact, my question is far from strange. Why does a person become an abuser (tyrant)? Yes, because there is so much fear and anxiety in his mental space, which actually appeared when he himself was a victim, that the only right decision for him, not conscious.
Schizoid Compromise: It's Hard To Bear, But It's A Pity To Quit
The schizoid compromise, as Guntrip described it, is the inability to be neither inside nor outside, nor belong to something, nor refuse it. If you translate this statement into the language of object relations - the impossibility of neither being close to someone, nor being alone.
About Sympathy. How To Empathize Properly With An Upset Person
I, like each of us, sometimes get very upset on various occasions. Sometimes the reason is clear and obvious to others. And sometimes it just accumulated, as they say. And I, in a state of emotional disorder, first of all want a very simple thing - sympathy.
Love Out Of Pity
When I was still a schoolgirl, I used to come home to my teacher just to talk "for life." About love and family, somehow I didn't really want to talk with my mother, because at that time, at my fifteen years old, I was deeply disappointed by her and my father's ability to love and be in relationships with each other and with children, but the teacher's family seemed to me just perfect.
