8 Keys To A Healthy Couple Relationship

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

What is a healthy relationship or healthy love as a couple?

They include:

1. The conscious desire of both partners to create and maintain healthy relationships and with each other (first of all, healthy, and perhaps this will complicate the relationship for a while, but in the future will give health). Let me explain: for example, sometimes a couple needs to part for a while. This contradicts such an everyday concept that when people love each other, they need to be together. This contradicts just as much a romantic notion as happy when we are with him … when we part - what kind of happiness is that? But for the health of relationships, such abstinence - a separation for 90 days is sometimes as beneficial as fasting in food. And why? I'll reveal later …
2. The health of each partner separately. And this is not only about physical health and the absence of various pathological addictions. But emotional health is paramount. That is, this is when each partner individually or did not suffer much in the parental family or has already undergone a course of therapy and healed the ROOTS of his personality, which means: he is adequate and able to build healthy relationships. FUNCTION as a good part in the appliance! If one of the partners knows how to create only DYSFUNCTIONAL relationships, then he will no longer be able to have healthy love here … A possible option, probably, is when the one who has not healed his soul enough from trauma already enters into a relationship and at the same time intensively heals himself. Then, I think, it may be possible to further regulate the health of the relationship. Moreover, the partner is healed voluntarily and consciously.
3. When in a couple it is respected and adjusted flexibly, depending on the needs of both, the degree of emotional closeness and openness. This, to some extent, contradicts the previously developed norms of relations. But it does work for the health of the relationship. For example, many psychologists believe that a couple should always have a complete exchange of feelings. But in fact, at times it can be destructive and detrimental to the relationship. So, it is very important to correct this degree of intimacy, that is, sometimes more intimacy and openness of feelings, and sometimes less …
4. In a couple, the boundaries are pronounced. And are respected by both parties. What hurts someone, unpleasant, delivers emotional suffering. And the other side respects it. And they are looking for ways to satisfy both. You can satisfy the need for another source. For example, the husband is tired, but the wife wants to communicate. She can satisfy the need for communication with other people. On the one hand, it hurts her that he does not communicate, since, for example, her “language of love” is verbal, you have to listen, listen, listen about love … But on the other hand, a man will change his behavior in something else so as not to cause pain in other situations, but in this it is important to accept that he does not have the resource now. Although, I wanted to say that it is important to CARE in a healthy couple. Trying not to hurt your partner. But, when it is impossible to “not hurt”, since “my” boundaries are also touched here, if I satisfy you, then it will hurt me … (I found a scythe on a stone), then it is important to understand how to flexibly solve this problem.
5. And it already so happened that in the previous paragraph I touched on the health component of the couple - everyone puts himself and love, self-care first. Everyone does NOT put a partner above himself, more important than himself, more important than himself. Doesn't make it the meaning of life and the center of the universe. I understand, reader, that a lot of information that came and is coming to you from everywhere and forms your VALUES - says the opposite: "NO - to selfishness, YES - love for your neighbor." When I want to reveal these little points, I have the feeling that a whole book needs to be written on each of them. Here is one of the themes about self-love! Loving yourself means taking responsibility for your life, health, feelings, needs. To be able to pamper yourself, take care of yourself, cherish yourself and your life. If we give it to ourselves, then we can give it to our neighbor. If we do not have this, then we can neither give nor take such great benefits of humanity. Loving yourself means having your own personal circle of support, separate from your partner, consisting of loving, adequate, positive, successful people. This means not placing an unbearable burden on your partner “to be the god of your universe”, but to build intimate relationships with him, filled with such gifts as with an equal, just as significant as you, but his concern for himself is in his hands, first of all, and your concern for you is in your hands. This happens in a pair of emotionally healthy, mature and self-fulfilling people - people. This space is balanced based on love, care and respect for oneself and for a partner. Everything is flexible. Sometime more to you, sometime to a partner … Everything is balanced and adjusted depending on who has more resources to support the relationship at the moment. Well, for example, a pregnant woman giving birth is not able to give a resource to a relationship in a couple, and this resource will be given by a man.
6. In general, there is the concept of a functional family and a dysfunctional one. I learned this when I was a student at the university. A well-functioning family is when the basic needs of every person in the family are met (if one person's needs are not met, then the whole system suffers). Physical- food, shelter, sex, warmth, health maintenance. Emotional - spending leisure time together, family rituals - going to the movies, for example, warmth, acceptance, unconditional love, respect, acceptance of feelings such as anger, fear, sadness, they are not prohibited or suppressed, and there is correctness, respect for the degree of openness everyone. Intellectual - common interests, values, when opposing values, hobbies, difference are supported, the growth and development of each separately, the opinion of each is encouraged. Realization of abilities, respect for the choice of path (artist or accountant). Spiritual - respect for the spiritual life of everyone, for faith, religion. When enough time is devoted to some rituals, and there is a personal right of everyone to the idea of God or a higher power and spirituality that suits HIM. The pair is similar.
7. If a problem arises, the couple turns to those who can help (specialists). I understand, dear reader, that this point will cause your bewilderment even more. I can assume that 100% of the information coming to you from your environment sounds something like this: "You cannot wash dirty linen in public." In healthy families - couples, whenever an emotional, psychological problem arises (with children, with one or both partners), people turn to good a psychologist (for example). They turn to a person who knows how this problem can be solved. For example, one of the partners started having bouts of jealousy. Before that, everything was fine (we remember that both partners went through therapy and they are all right), or maybe the person had stress at work, he did not get enough sleep and his personal balance was disturbed, his personal resources became less and certain mechanisms were activated his psyche. And then, instead of clarifying the relationship, the couple goes to a specialist, and he helps to understand the reason and outlines a plan - what to do with this, if the couple cares about their relationship, then how to save them. I think that in a healthy couple, the relationship is dear to both partners. Or there are problems with the child, and the parents feel that their resource is not enough, instead of scolding the child, instead of scolding themselves and sinking into despair and unconstructive powerlessness, the parents calm themselves and the child and go to a specialist who may determine that their child lacks vitamins, or he has stress or problems at school … A plan is outlined and work with the child is carried out correctly, and he learns healthy behavior in this situation. And YOU will know that when he grows up with problems that arise, he will not get drunk, but to people who will help him quickly and effectively solve his problems.
8. Healthy love has development, growth and constant change, despite its stable and calm basis. In addition to the fact that in a couple, people sometimes get closer, then move away, and both perceive this normally … In addition to the fact that the growth and development of each other is supported in a couple … Do you understand that it may turn out that after a while you will find yourself with a completely different person? If people develop all the time, their values, hobbies, and they themselves change … And both understand this and go for it consciously … But what is important for these men and women? They either create a family, officially register a relationship, give birth to children, and if they do not give birth, then perhaps they take adopted children, raise children together, let the children go, nurse grandchildren, and spend a joint old age. Or a couple - honestly realizes that she cannot continue to move in the same composition. Then the partners gently, very carefully and gradually end their relationship and become good friends. They let go, live all the feelings of grief and loss, accept the support of their circle, a specialist. And they internally support each other's finding new partners.

In the photo is a painting by Leonid Afremov

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