The Man Who Should

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

A man has a powerful inner strength that pushes him to achieve some kind of conditional success. This force is called aggression. The energy of aggression has such a huge resource that a psychologically healthy man, releasing it, "wins" in something. In other words, a man's success depends on the level of his resource aggression - a healthy response to anger outside, which allows not to collapse inside, but to turn very powerful energy into creation

A healthy man is distinguished from an unhealthy man by his absolute agreement with himself, and not with the expectations of society (in general, this applies to any person, regardless of gender, who has a stable psyche).

The decisive role in whether a boy grows into a confident person or a neurotic is played by the relationship he has with his mother - he was and remains. Mother - as the first female image that a boy encounters in his life, has a decisive influence on his male psyche. Determining his future male self-worth. This image is undeniable, omnipotent and unconditionally authoritative. This is the first love, sometimes the only one … And although many are sure that having a father (which is a secondary issue) in a boy's life increases his chances of success in the future, alas, if with a loving, attentive and encouraging father, the boy spends his childhood with a neurotic mother, he is guaranteed an eternal race for her approval, attention and recognition.

This race will turn him into a man who always owes everyone. He will be completely confused on how to most effectively play his male role - "to be a man": he can make a brilliant career, have a high social status, marry a clever, beautiful woman and raise exemplary sons - a folder's pride; he may have a circle of friends with whom he will share his male hobbies, and much more. In general, he will think that he is free, but will feel quite the opposite. Only now the completely absent right to weakness will force a man to displace this feeling very deeply and far, so that it does not even seem. This duality of external and internal will make his brain permanently inflamed. Because no matter how hard he tries, there will always be something that he still owes - his wife, children, bosses or subordinates, friends, relatives, neighbor, etc.

His beloved mother once taught him that in order for me to love and accept you, you must satisfy my expectations, or our expectations with my father, and he hacked it on his nose. If a mother is a neurotic with experience, then only a neurotic is capable of raising her, for whom loving herself and focusing on herself is from the world of fantasy. By the age of 30, the son of such a mother will be completely disappointed in himself, tired, depressed, dissatisfied, squeezed, unable to turn his inner aggression outward and use it for self-realization. And over the years of stupid achievement, aggression accumulates oh, how much! And he turns it on himself, inward, hating himself most of all. But not because he cannot escape the cliché “being a man” and satisfy other people's needs and conditions of society, but because he still has not succeeded enough in this! There is still so much more that he MUST do, achieve, prove, overcome, deserve and earn that he does not have the most important thing - himself. This man cannot relax and begin to enjoy life, which he lives the way he wants, and not how he should.

If a man's inner potential does not have the ability to freely express himself, if his strength does not take shape, then self-realization does not occur, no matter how socially successful he may seem - neither to himself nor to others. He does not create anything, because he is not free to manifest himself, he only plays out attitudes. Self-realization for that and self-, which means the realization of oneself - one's “I”, capable of very creatively interacting with the surrounding world. A man who always has to, realizes the attitudes of society, and not truly personal needs. The attitudes imposed by the first beloved and authoritative woman in his life - the mother - are reinforced over time by other significant female figures in his life. A man, unconsciously striving to get his mother's love, plays this scenario with all the other women, whom he, in fact, chooses according to the principle - to prove and gain favor, to be better than others, to demonstrate his masculine strength, to assert himself. All this is about neurotic games, the pioneers of which are always anxious overprotective or depressed emotionally absent mothers. It is very easy to tie a completely dependent little person to yourself forever with the phrases "don't be a weakling", "don't cry like a girl", "pick up snot", "don't shame your mother / don't upset your mother", "don't offend girls, you're a boy", " don't be a rag, get yourself together, "and so on. etc., and of course the apotheosis - "be a man!" The latter can still be heard from such brutal dominant fathers, who have also been taught to be men all their lives, and when there is nothing to inherit from a son, then at least this is necessary.

A man who must, very quickly realizes that he is drawn into a world of huge competition, where he is forced to prove to everyone that he is better, more successful, stronger. And even if he does not want to be like that, he must, otherwise he is not a man. He has no right to feel, understand himself and be free in what he wants to be, with whom and with whom. He cannot meet a woman who can create a partnership, he meets victims who yearn for a neurotic love, for which he will always be to blame and always must. Without the right to be himself, a man does not self-actualize and does not live his life, he is a warrior who endlessly fights and collects his trophies - evidence of independence, success and imaginary freedom. He collects all these trophies for the one who will never be enough, either way or not … for mom.

In fact, any man should only one thing - to understand that he should not do anything. To understand that he has the right to be himself, to be guided by his needs, to allow himself to feel and manifest without fear of being judged and not accepted. The ability to show tenderness, not brutal sexuality, the ability to say "no", and not stay with someone out of pity and the obligation to support, the right to donate your resources, and not to provide someone else's comfort, the right to get angry, defending your boundaries and even hate - defending his wholeness and freedom to be himself - that's what in reality guarantees a man's success. Success is not according to a scale of social assessments, but according to its own internal barometer. In order to start moving towards freedom and self-realization, a man needs to be separated from his mother and make a conscious choice in favor of himself. Choosing himself, and not a relationship, a person retains his "I". Not a single significant person (and even such a significant one as a mother) and a relationship with him is an argument to ignore the needs of his personality, not to be in contact with himself and devalue what is vital and truly valuable to himself.