Who Pays? Money And Relationships - Should A Man Be A Sponsor?

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Video: Who Pays? Money And Relationships - Should A Man Be A Sponsor?

Video: Who Pays? Money And Relationships - Should A Man Be A Sponsor?
Video: Who Pays on a First Date? - Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy 2024, March
Who Pays? Money And Relationships - Should A Man Be A Sponsor?
Who Pays? Money And Relationships - Should A Man Be A Sponsor?
Anonim

I often come across loud slogans: “a woman should not work,” “men are goons or losers if they don’t provide a woman,” or, conversely, “be strong and independent,” “a woman does not need a man, she must earn money herself,” and so on. … Society loves to hang labels and now several "camps" stand out brightly - men and their infantile women, who need to be fully provided, and then they, supposedly, can show all their femininity. And "women with eggs" who earn more than men and claim that they do not need anyone.

Today I want to talk about how not to go to extremes and build healthy relationships, considering such an important aspect of our life as money.

Should a man provide for a woman?

Let's start with the basics - any relationship can include two elements. The first is when the relationship is personal - we choose a person for the qualities that he possesses. The second principle is when the relationship is functional. Here, men and women are only together when they can satisfy some need of each other, when relations perform a certain function. In reality, in a relationship there is both, the only question is what is more priority.

When the thesis "A man must provide for a woman" sounds, then people bring to the fore the functionality in the relationship. Such relationships have a right to exist, they can be strong, reliable. But here there is one very important point - if such a function disappears and a man cannot generate such income to provide for a woman and so that she is comfortable with him, the relationship falls apart, or a crisis ensues and the relationship is still rebuilt in some way.

When the main thing in a relationship is the choice of a person as a whole, for the qualities that he has, for those characteristics, some things that are important to us, then such relationships are not functional. Then they are stronger and more durable, because there we are in close proximity with the person himself, and not with the function that he can provide us.

Who is the earner?

The second moment - of course, it's nice when a man pays for a girl. It is pleasant for this man, because he feels like a breadwinner, he feels strong. The girl is also pleased with this, because she feels and accepts male attention and, to some extent, the superiority of a man. The origins of such satisfaction go back to ancient times, when we lived in caves, and men, because they were stronger and more resilient, got food. They could overwhelm a mammoth and drag it into a cave, where a woman was already getting along with this food.

A lot of time has passed since then, there is no more need to overwhelm the mammoth. We get food in a completely different way - we work, communicate with other people, build relationships with them. And it must be said that in this field women have exactly the same opportunities as men, and, accordingly, their duties are exactly the same as those of men. Namely - to provide for oneself. This is the equality that our modern society has been striving for and which is so zealously declared by the "strong and independent". Do not think, I do not mind, but very much even for - the main thing is to know when to stop and not forget all the same that you are a woman, not a horse.

"What if I can do it myself, but I don't want to, that's why I'm looking for a sponsor?"

In such a situation, there are two options for the development of events. First, you are an infantile woman, because, not only do you choose to depend on someone, you also deceive yourself. You need to receive care, custody, because you are "inferior" as a child. In this case, you find yourself in a dependent relationship, and do not forget that your “sponsor” may change his mind about the function that you or he performs for you.

Option two - if you can really earn and provide for yourself, but choose to manipulate a man, then you are calculating, selfish, lazy and build a relationship not trusting, but functional, behaving dishonestly towards a man. If you were not, why would you deprive yourself of the opportunity to be free?

The only healthy option is sincere conversation and complete trust in the relationship. If you can earn the required amount only by doing work that you really do not like, talk to a man and decide if you can trust him so much in such a position that you are completely dependent, but at the same time do what you love.

"A dream has come true, my husband has finally become rich. But now he doesn't need me."

The more money a man has, the more women he attracts. It is logical that his social status has increased and he has become more attractive to other women. This is how our society works. The only option is to compete. Use the knowledge that you have (you know your man well and what he likes), but which other women do not have.

Here you need to clarify, if your position is "not needed" - then your option is to leave, because you are in an unhealthy relationship, and if "not as interesting as before" - start competing, motivating, attracting attention. The main thing is not tantrums and manipulations, otherwise a man, the demand for which has grown sharply and self-esteem, accordingly, will also not be where his brain is taken out, think for yourself …

Who has a mammoth, he is in charge?

In the modern world, it often happens that a woman is successful, earns well, a man earns less than she does. How can a woman help a man feel self-actualized, strong, and a breadwinner? The first thing to understand is not a woman's problem if a man does not feel his self-realization, because he:

a) does not do enough to earn more than his woman. Here, of course, the question is whether he objectively has such an opportunity, and if it is, he should make efforts to earn more.

b) cannot accept that the family has different incomes, which means that he is competing with a woman in who earns more. If objectively there are no options, then you need to accept this situation and not drip onto your woman's brain or try to compete with her.

But if you are worried that you are earning more and you want to help your man, then here is what you can do in this situation:

The first and most important thing is not to turn into a “mommy” in any way. Do not get him a job, do not negotiate to be taken somewhere, do not plant money. In this way, you form a model when your man begins to depend on you. He does not share all his achievements with you, despite the fact that “you supported him”. He feels obligated and inadequate, because you organized for him the opportunity to earn money - there is an achievement, but without you it would not have been.

In order for him to be comfortable, you need to talk and explain that you are worried and you would like to help him feel like a breadwinner. Try to decide together what area of responsibility your man will close and provide - buying groceries, paying for utilities, organizing a joint vacation, paying for children's education - specifically, one or more areas that the man will pay for. It is important here that the man himself decides and finds ways to close this area of responsibility. You can discuss and even advise, but not organize it in his place or criticize the way he chooses. The main task is for a man to see the result that he can provide himself, then he will have the feeling that he is achieving something and can solve these issues, albeit within the framework of his capabilities.

This is all, of course, some communication based on theory and my personal observations. I admit that you have the opportunity to build relationships the way you like, but be vigilant and don't make mistakes.

conclusions

In material terms, no one owes anything to anyone in a relationship - a man must provide for himself, a woman must provide for herself.

The second - of course, it is more pleasant when a man helps, provides a woman, then our ancient instincts, which were once formed, are realized and it would be good for a woman to follow the rules of this ancient game.

If you are provided, you are most likely an infantile and dependent person, and not just "you decided so" and at any time you will become independent. Think about what will happen if the sponsor does not become (finds someone younger, changes his mind about closing all your questions, becomes gay)? What will happen to you when you stop fulfilling your function?

Being financially independent does not mean not being feminine. Find your measure and harmony, and then the relationship will be personal, not functional. But do not wave a wad of money in front of a man with the words "I am strong and I can do everything myself," he can believe you and go off to get a mammoth for another.

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