2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It is sometimes surprising how the work with the client takes on a metaphor, and therefore a well-perceptible meaning, in the last five minutes of the final session. This time it was a metaphor of wings - working with a psychologist for a client was like finding wings, wings that will help carry you out in times of crisis or cope with emotionally exciting experiences.
Ksenia is a girl who loves a guy (until she really realized this). A guy who does not fit all the parameters with her image of a "prince on a white horse", he generally has many features that contradict this image, and therefore he "cannot" be loved. He does not care for her the way she is used to, does not show the required number of signs of attention, gives fewer flowers than it should, and after a while ceases to pay attention altogether. You can't love such a thing!
And now an exhausting struggle with oneself begins - there are feelings, but you can't feel them for this person. It turns out that you need to do everything so that there are no feelings, which means trying not to recognize them - not to name, not to notice your behavior caused by feelings, or to determine the meaning of behavior in a completely different way, in a conversation with a psychologist not to give a name to the guy, try to not describe or describe in negative terms. In general, why talk about him, because the job request was formulated as a search for vital energy.
We look for it, think about where it goes and how it usually comes, what brings joy from life and what usually fills it.
Ksenia's profession brings joy, helps to feel significant and confident, requires strength, but at the same time replenishes them.
We look at the previous relationship. There is a lot of good in them, the memories are pleasing. But suddenly it becomes clear that the previous relationship went without a break, some smoothly flowed into others. Was there an opportunity to be free with yourself? What would you do then? What would fill your life? "Dancing, I want to do dancing!" Dances appeared. Before that, however, there was still a task to do something with taking care of yourself.
This task causes difficulties for many. We are well accustomed to and know how to take care of others, but we are almost never ready to take care of ourselves, to do even something small, but it is meaningful. Ksenia quickly responded to this, began to listen carefully to her condition and do something for herself. There was strength and more joy from life.
But in a strange way, thoughts about this guy did not disappear, interest and attention to his life remained, the appearance of a possible girl in his life was jealously noticed. Again the question arises - what is it? "How do I feel about him?" - Ksenia continues to search by touch.
Not soon and not at all simply does the recognition of his love for him come, along with this desire for the separation of these feelings, reciprocity. The memories of past meetings and the understanding that Ksenia did everything to prevent this relationship from developing further come to life. Dead end.
Can I return something? How to deal with feelings for him? Confess or keep silent? Is it painful or joyful from everything that happens? What about your feelings if you can no longer return it? How to deal with all this?
Time comes to the rescue - time that sometimes turns out to be lost, but necessary to accept what is happening, see the world and events in their entirety, allow yourself to stop and look from the outside, sometimes cry or be happy …
Gradually came the recognition of the feeling of love, love that can be born even to someone who does not fit into the idea of the prince. The acceptance has come that a feeling can not be shared by others, that it can remain unrequited, but still be and sometimes even please. Ksenia began her search for how then this feeling can exist? In what form? If not to drive him, how else? At this moment, it turned out that it is important to simply give oneself the right to feel love even "to the wrong one", to grieve about unrequited love, to love again and gradually let go. Ksenia began to learn to be in this state, not to disintegrate from feelings and emotions, to be stable, to stay in contact with herself and her state.
When do we need wings? - when we want to keep in the flow, the flow of feelings and emotions, when during the flight we want to preserve ourselves - not to break up, to grieve, but to be whole, stable and flexible.
Xenia has found her wings, wings that will take her out of the many feelings and experiences that will help her balance and maintain her integrity. I'm glad that I could be there and help Xenia find them. I wish everyone to find their own.
Your Natalia Fried
Illustration by Victoria Kirdiy
