Fear Therapy

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Fear is one of the unpleasant, badly tolerated feelings of a person. That is why so often in the requests of clients there is a request “tell me how to get rid of”, “what to do so that it is not there”, “teach how not to be afraid”, etc

And I answer: “Nothing…. No way … you will still experience fear from time to time."

This is not about panic attacks, but about the usual fear: fear of the future, fear of being wrong, fear of doing something wrong, fear of being a fool in the eyes of others, fear of losing your job…. To be left without money … to part with a loved one … fear of loneliness, illness, death …

The list is almost endless, but the underlying feeling is the same - fear.

How does a fear-ridden, fearful person behave?

Of course, it all depends on the intensity of the feeling. A person can mobilize all his strength and, using the energy of fear, begin to do something to change the situation that causes this feeling; at the same time it can scream, run, break, destroy … Or it can freeze, stop breathing - "pretend to be dead", curl up, crawl under the covers, hide … that is not afraid - and then fear will begin its destructive work "inside" the person and come out in the form of any diseases.

All this is extremely unpleasant and painful. And it is not surprising that a person wants to get rid of this feeling.

…..

The client's work begins with the realization that fear – feeling basic. Basic - means, the basic, underlying, supporting and extremely necessary for each of us. It is this necessity, this benefit of fear, and it is important to see, understand, accept.

And it is also important to realize that it is impossible to get rid of feelings in principle. Since it is a product of the vital activity of our psyche, our soul, so to speak.

This stage can take several meetings, it cannot be done quickly in any way, since society does not like and does not welcome the feeling of fear. From childhood, we must all be brave, brave, fearless. And to be afraid is a shame. And in almost everyone, the feeling of fear is accompanied by a sense of shame and guilt, which makes living this "cocktail" completely unbearable.

Therefore, it will take some more time to realize that fear does not come alone, that it leads to guilt, shame, new fear - the so-called "fear of fear", a feeling of despair and powerlessness, some kind of resentment, then deeply hidden anger, irritation, aggression …

And with all this, the client will have to meet and accept the very fact that he has all these feelings and emotions in himself.

Therefore, the next stage of therapy will be awareness and identification of what the client is experiencing, "looking" and experiencing the feeling of fear.

As a therapist, I meet not only with the fact that the client does not identify his feelings well, but also with the fact that he simply does not know the words to denote what is happening to him. For such cases, I have a "flower cheat sheet" with the names of feelings and emotions, so that you can find "what it looks like".

Thus, after a certain number of meetings, the client already begins to navigate what is happening in him.

As you can see, specifically the fear itself remains, as it were, on the sidelines, in the background, and various feelings and experiences of the client, their acceptance, their identification become a figure.

Of course, the whole process of therapy is actually not as clearly divided as I am writing about it now. One process is superimposed on another, some processes go on simultaneously, mixing and giving birth to new feelings.

I believe that it is very important not to rush here, to give the client the opportunity to meet with his very different feelings, to feel them in the body, in images, in pictures …

And when the client begins to perceive his feelings - and his fear - as something completely "legitimate", important, necessary, having the right to be, then you can turn to specific feelings - in this case, to fear.

First, see fear functions, what is fear for: reaction of protection, escape or prevention of possible pain or threat

And "teach" the client to ask questions: what exactly am I afraid of? Can I change something? If so, what and how can I do? Can I do it alone - myself, without assistance? If I can, what do I need for this? And if I can't handle it myself, who can I contact?

In principle, at this point, the work at the request of the client "Free me from fear" can be considered complete.

Of course, problems in accepting help, in seeking help can emerge here. And you will have to work with this too.

You will also have to work with the acceptance of the fact that nothing can be changed or done, that the reality is such and that you will somehow have to deal with it, learn to live in a new world with new conditions.

But that's another story. Another request. And he can become a reason-reason for continuing therapy.