Manipulators In The Family. The Story Of A Daughter Who "loved Too Much" A Dying Immortal Mother

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Mom! I can't live with you all the time! After all, I got a higher education, I have a red diploma! I am invited to work in the best institution in the field of education! - Natasha shouted to her mother.

For more than an hour, she and her mother have been discussing the question that she has decided to go to Moscow and that everything is ready for her. She could not understand in any way why all her logical arguments crumbled about her mother's phrases. Moreover, they crumbled not because they were drowning under the weight of logical arguments. Not at all. There was no logic at all in my mother's words. Only mom's opinion and mom's desire. But for some reason now this brilliantly unlearned girl, who repeatedly withstood sharp controversy during a scientific debate or a caustic trick of a whole team of opponents while playing KVN, even at the highest level, could not convey her opinion to her mother.

Strange, why is this? It seemed that everything was on her side now, she chose the right time. When my mother was in a good mood, she bought flowers and a cake, she wrote out the abstracts of her conversation in advance. From the point of view of all people of all ages and social ranks, from the junior students whom she supervised, to the wise gray-haired professors of her native and other universities, everyone agreed with her! She needs to go to Moscow, in her hometown there will be no development in her excellent specialty, but in Moscow a great future awaits her!

Even her older brother, whom it was difficult to convince of anything, agreed with her. But after listening to her, my brother said a strange phrase, in general terms, something like that, of course, you are right, but you still won't be able to convince your mother. Either you do what you want without your mom's permission, or you never do it again.

But what does it mean that mom will not be able to convince? Doesn't mom want good for her daughter? But how could you take it and leave without your mother's permission to another city? Although now, Natasha was already ready to leave, regardless of her mother's desire and even in spite of him.

Picture from open sources on the Internet. A very good metaphor for the phrase, "the daughter is very much attached to her mother"!

In the psychologist's office, once again, an elderly woman burst into tears during the consultation. The psychologist took out another pack of paper napkins so that she could wipe her eyes, one pack that was lying on the table at the beginning of their meeting had already ended. The woman, and her name was Natalya, the one on whose behalf this story began and exactly the woman about whom he wrote in a previous publication on this topic, “Dying immortal mother. When you have a daughter you can ride. Through her tears she said, “ I can’t forgive myself after my mother’s death, the guilt is choking me”! There was a short dialogue between her and the psychologist, and she continued her story.

- Don't you dare shout at your mother! You know, my mother's health is bad, you will drive me into the coffin with your stupid ideas and your tactlessness! - shouted Alevtina Yuryevna, Natasha's mother.

But Natasha could no longer speak calmly. Accustomed to shutting up, as soon as her mother demanded it, she could not stop here. There was too much at stake. She put too much effort into getting to Moscow. There were students at their institute who, like her recently graduated, had excellent academic performance, but could not get the "golden" distribution to Moscow, which Natasha now had in her pocket. Parents of students connected, connected all connections! But they couldn't. But Natasha could! And now, having done so much effort and having done something just incredible, she was not ready to stop just because her mother was against it, without giving any significant arguments from Natasha's point of view.

Argument, “You are still little, you don’t know life”, Can it be considered an argument when Natasha is 23 years old, she graduated from the university in such a way that she was the only one invited to work in the coolest place possible in her specialty? And this, as I already wrote, without connections, without cronyism. It cannot be ensured by study alone; you need to actively participate in science and student life, and travel around the country. And is she small? Mom's argument, "How can I live without you as a patient?", also did not suit Natasha, the doctors did not find any illness in my mother. All the stories that my mother almost died were at a time when Natasha could not verify the veracity of these words. In addition, Natasha offered her mother options on how to solve her mother's health problems when Natasha was not around.

- Everything! I'm leaving! You don’t want to listen to me, your business! - Natasha said and went to the exit.

In the corridor, already getting dressed and surprised that her mother did not catch up with her and return to the room, which today her mother had already done 10 times, Natasha heard something fall in the room. She continued to dress, but it worried her that there was not a sound from her mother.

- Maaam? Natasha asked.

There was no answer. Natasha remembered her brother's words about the fact that her mother was fooling around, pretending to be ill and continued to dress, thinking that this was another mother's manipulation.

- Mom, will you come out to see me off? Natasha asked again, but in a more anxious voice, and again there was no answer.

Without taking off her shoes, Natasha went to the door to the room where her mother was. Alevtina Yuryevna lay on the floor, silently moving her lips and holding her heart. Natasha rushed to her mother and began to shake her, but she did not breathe, her body was cold. Natasha ran to get medicines, which she gave her if her mother had a heartache, but her mother could not drink them. Natasha cried, called her mother, she did not respond. After only 5 minutes she ran to the neighbors to call an ambulance.

During this time, Natasha managed to feel a lot inside herself, to be precise, a sea of unpleasant things. A feeling of guilt before mom and a burning shame for this, self-hatred for the fact that the closest and dearest person died because of her, fear and even horror from what happened, sadness … God forbid another to feel this!

- How old was your mother when she died? The psychologist asked.

- 81 years old, - answered Natalia. Seeing the surprised look of the psychologist, she added.

- Mom died six months ago. Then, more than 20 years ago, when I returned from the neighbors, having called the ambulance, my mother had already come to her senses. An ambulance arrived, gave my mother some kind of injection, and was taken to the hospital. At the hospital, my mother was later written some kind of diagnosis, which, as I later learned, they write when a person complains of pain in the heart, but nothing is confirmed by the results of the study. Of course, I didn't go anywhere, I missed the train that day. And then I no longer tried to leave. Didn't even talk about it. For a long time they still called me from Moscow, asked where I was, why I hadn’t come, even persuaded me. But I haven’t left my mother anywhere else.

In my city, I found a boring job in my specialty. But here in this area it was impossible to find something interesting, to make a career, it was impossible to make money. I got another job. Then another one. In general, everything that I was a pro in then I have already forgotten by today. I work as a simple seller in a store. I despise my job, myself, my home …

I have devoted my whole life to my mother. Since that story happened, my mother and I have never argued at all. She will say, I do, she calls, I run. Mom did not endure at work until retirement, she left earlier. She had a nervous job, but she should not be nervous, her heart is sick. I worked, provided my mother with everything she needed.

The worst became about 5 years ago, when my mother fell ill with cancer. Mom became very aggressive, all the time she accused me that it was because of me that she got sick, that she put her whole life on me. I was tormented by a sense of guilt then and was angry at the same time. But she didn’t tell my mother about it, so as not to upset.

After all, when my mother fell ill with cancer, I once asked a doctor if it was possible for her to take all these medications, because her heart is sick? So the doctor swore at me then, kindly, of course, but said that if my mother had a bad heart, she would have died 15 years ago, or rather even 25-30 years ago. In the worst case, he said, she would have died six months after the diagnosis. And by that time she had been living for a year and was ill. And then she lived a total of about 5 years seriously ill with cancer. And she died not in connection with the heart. She had it in perfect order!

After all, I understood this all my life when I began to make a logical assessment. But only my mother will say, I seem to lose my brain and in my soul there is only fear and guilt!

I didn’t get married, I didn’t have children. Why, I have never even had a man in my life! As soon as I start dating someone, my mother is hysterical and clutches her heart! And now it's too late for me, while my mother was ill, I also fell ill, and with the same thing that my mother was ill with. Maybe because I inside myself was terribly angry with my mother, but I couldn't tell her? Maybe because I loved my mother, and hated her, did everything to make her get well, but inside I wished her death and blamed myself for it later? Because I had a strong inner conflict inside me?

What I can’t understand in any way is whether she really didn’t love me at all, if she had forced such a life on me! She said that she loved, that everything was out of love for me. Or maybe it's me? Maybe I loved it too much? - Natasha cried bitterly again …

Natasha's fate was like this. Natasha loved her immortally dying mother too much. Mom, who at any moment, as it seemed, could die, but did not die in any way! Why? Yes, because she was not so sick in fact.

In fact In fact, my mother's illnesses were not illnesses at all, but manipulations. Mom's love was not love at all, and Natasha's love, in fact, not love at all, rather codependency. It was a codependent relationship in this form.

There are families where this symptom is not as vivid as in this story. But just like in this story, it can completely cripple life. It seems that a person understands everything, but he cannot do anything.

What to do here? Many things. Understand for a start that you are in this particular situation. Not exactly like that, Natasha had such, but in a similar one. I will tell in the following articles about what to do, and about such a situation when a man turned out to be in a relationship with such a mother. For those who are interested in the sequel, subscribe so as not to miss.

Of course, for those who find themselves in a similar situation, I strongly recommend contacting a psychologist. Well, my contacts are below. To sign up for a consultation, you can write to me in one of the ways convenient for you.

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