2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“My mother loves me in a very peculiar way. For as long as I can remember, she constantly criticizes me and compares me to someone. I have long been an adult, independent woman, successful, accomplished. A wonderful husband, children. But for some reason there is no happiness. I feel insecure all the time. I doubt the correctness of my decisions, and if someone praises me, it only causes a dull irritation … Why, doctor?"
Because…
I'm telling you. The words "we all come from childhood" have a huge meaning. During the first 6-7 years of a child's life, a so-called life scenario is formed. The child's consciousness is a blank slate. And depending on what is written on this sheet, adult life will develop.
All mothers, fathers, grandfathers, want the best, but it turns out as always. Criticizing the child, comparing him to the “daughter of a mother’s friend,” they want the child to be better, smarter, to become people, and so on.
But the little girl hears something completely different. Something like “I'm not good enough, my mother is not happy with me. I am bad. There is another girl who is better than me, her mother loves her more than me, since she praises her and scolds me."
The perception of a child and an adult is fundamentally different. Well, straight, 180 degrees. If an adult is told "you are bad", the adult will show the middle finger and remain unconvinced.
But, if the same is broadcast to a child, the situation is different there. Children take everything literally, because they have no experience, there is no critical processing of information, and everything is taken literally. The attitude "I am bad" is firmly imprinted in the subconscious, this is called "script programming".
And then the principle "as you name the yacht, so it will float" is triggered. So that I can show you how it works, let's go back to my mother's friend's daughter.
Our girl is developing the scenario "there is someone who is better than me, and she is loved more." And then the acting out of the life scenario begins. There is another girl in the kindergarten who eats semolina better and laces up her shoes faster. At school - a girl who studies better. At the institute, this "vacancy" is occupied by a more successful, according to the girl, a Komsomol-athlete-beauty. And even already, having been deeply married for a long time, our girl continues to poison her life with the ghost of her “mother’s friend’s daughter”, who is now embodied in the form of her husband’s secretary / colleague / former classmate …
And the more perfect / young / sexy our girl “sees” her rival (for her mother's love, do you remember?), The more insignificant / unworthy / old / fat she feels.
And the whole life of such a girl is aimed at finally catching up with this ghostly rival, in order to prove to everyone, and first of all, to herself, that she is also good and worthy of love! Like this. The situation is already adult, and the mechanisms are childish …
And the most amazing thing is that these already 20-30-40 year olds, girls and boys, tell me at the reception that today moms-dads are proud of them and love them, but it's too late to drink Borzhom. The script rules the life.
Why am I all this? With this post, I want to appeal to moms-dads of still young children. And to the already matured children.
1. Dear mothers, fathers, grandparents! DO NOT compare or criticize your children, even with good intentions! Love, support, believe in them! Too tragic consequences of such "education" I see at almost every reception.
2. If these sketches are about you, then, first of all, sell yourself the idea that that nasty voice of the Inner Critic is just a parental scenario. But now, you say to yourself, I am already an adult boy / girl, I have already grown / la out of these pants, and I OWN / A decide what to do in this life!
Well, for my part, I wish you that everything will turn out in the best possible way)))
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