2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In my practice, I periodically meet with clients who graduated from high school, and often from a university with honors. This also includes athletes, champions, indigo children, children with early development. And almost everyone unanimously says that this has played a disservice to them.
“I was beaten and punished for twos and threes, it was terrible. I am still afraid of my father and cannot communicate with him,”said Anna.
“I studied perfectly well, but I don’t know how to do anything else in life. I was taught to follow within the framework, but I do not know how to go out for them”- Marina described.
“I myself am an excellent student, but while everyone was walking and learning to live, I sat at the lessons and now my personal life doesn’t work out,” Evgenia was sad.
“When I was 6 years old, my parents forced me to study with a teacher so that I would prepare and go through grades 1 and 2 immediately before school, at home. And for 7 years I went straight to grade 3. In the 5th grade, my classmates beat me up, it was a turning point - since then I have been alone. I am now 31 years old and I am still a virgin and I have no friends, I didn’t have time for all this, I always had to prove that I was better, because I was 2 years younger than everyone else,”shared Maxim.
We were all children and many of us already have children of our own. It would seem that the basis of the desire of parents for their child to study perfectly well is a completely healthy and good intention. Methods of achievement can range from threats and violence to manipulation and pressure.
All this gives rise to a huge number of childhood psychological traumas, here are some of them:
- violence against children
- "Good Girl" complex
- complex "You can do better"
- inability to communicate with peers
- inability to build relationships with the opposite sex
- turning off your feelings and sensations
- low self-esteem
- and others
If you are lucky and you yourself have not found yourself in such a situation, then this does not exclude the chance that you can give in to this desire to force or motivate your children to become "outstanding" people.
The fact is that when parents want to get too much through their children, it turns out that these children begin to live and achieve not their goals and desires. A fairly large part of their life passes when they suddenly realize that these are not their desires and not their goals. And here depressive states often begin, which I, as a psychologist, face on a regular basis.
What do we do in such cases:
- We analyze what role the parents played in the client's life and where are parental attitudes in his goals and values
- With great difficulty we unearth what the client really wanted and wants in his life
- We live and heal childhood traumas, change our attitude towards them
- Separating parental attitudes and reconsidering our attitude towards them
- We realize and begin to move towards our own goals and values
And now a small reminder on how to treat your own children, here, of course, not all recommendations, but only some of them:
- Treat with great interest and attention - trying to notice and support everything that makes the child get involved in this business with his head
- Look at the child as a person who has freedom of choice at any time and showing what responsibility he has for the choice made
- Help your child succeed in things that are valuable and important
- Be open and flexible about what happens to your child.
- Let your child make his own mistakes and live his life.
And, of course, all this is possible only on condition that you yourself live a harmonious life filled with your own goals and values!
Now more and more people are beginning to actively use the help of psychologists, not only in cases of emergency, but also on an ongoing basis as effective tools for achieving a happy life. Not only for himself, but also for those close to him.
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