Stages Of Grief And What To Do With Them

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Each person in his life at least once faced with personal grief. It can be the loss of a job, expulsion from an educational institution, and the most terrible and difficult thing is the loss of a loved one. The intensity of experiences can be different, it does not always depend on the real perception of the event, more often it is a purely emotional experience.

When any tragedy or loss occurs, our psyche is not ready and cannot immediately process it. For a long time, the stages of experiencing grief have been highlighted with the help of which our psyche and we in general cope with this problem.

Below I will list this grief residence and what you can do during these stages to help.

The first stage is Denial

When an event occurs that is difficult for a person to experience, his first reaction is denial. This is natural and normal, our psyche protects us from unexpectedly piled up troubles. A person at this stage in every possible way refuses to believe in what happened (or what is happening). Many even say: “This is not true! I don’t believe!”,“It cannot be! No! . Others, at the moment of denial, fall into hyperoptimism and try to change something, even if this is impossible in reality. Someone, at the stage of denial, tries not to notice and try to live their usual life, or, on the contrary, change something dramatically.

What should others do at this moment? Be understanding and patient. There is no need to force something to understand, to accept something, it is completely impossible at this stage. Be patient, do not try to maintain a person's illusions, just be tactful and tell the truth when it is needed. What is the experiencer himself to do? Trying to accept the fact of loss and grief, at some point you may need to be alone with what happened. The main thing is not to forget about those around you and their help and support. Do not avoid it, but do not use it immensely.

The second stage is Aggression

At this stage, the person is already more or less aware of what happened to him or to his loved ones. And there is a lot of anger, aggression, anger. A person is angry at what happened, at other people who are either different from him or similar. In general, this is an irrational aggression. It is impossible to single out one thing that makes everyone angry. Each person himself finds an object for the outburst of anger and aggression. Also, some people may get hysterical, which is difficult to control and stop.

At this stage, it is necessary to be close to the person and control his safety because he can harm himself, this must be done when there is really a threat to health. You should not overly calm and calm down, you need to give the opportunity to express your feelings. I can recommend to the sufferer himself to try to monitor his aggressive state and direct him to safe actions: to go in for sports (a very good way to express anger), some other active action. This will relieve tension.

Stage three - Bidding

When the third stage comes, the person begins to "bargain", as it were. It manifests itself in everything. He begins to come up with signs that can change something. When parting in a relationship, he tries to find out what was wrong and agree to resume the relationship, promising complete changes. Many turn to religion and try to appeal to higher powers to change what happened. A person tries to "buy off" the grief that has occurred by changing his behavior, converting to religion and leaving the real world, engaging in charity work, directing all his efforts and time to deal with the problem that the person himself faced.

People around at this moment should be careful and tactful. The best option is to guide the person towards socially positive deeds and not completely immerse themselves in them. The one who is going through this stage can be advised not to go headlong into any one business, periodically switch.

Stage four - Depression

At this stage, a person experiences depression of varying strength. The mood is not constant. A person then falls into despondency, then returns to normal life, emotional reactions become poor, a person seems to be removed from the real world. Irritability may appear. Sleep and appetite are disturbed, someone can sleep for days on a flight, someone completely loses it. It also happens with appetite, for some it disappears, others fall into gluttony. In this stage of grief, many people withdraw from others and loved ones, and many decisions made at this stage in the future are difficult to correct.

Others need to be respectful of a person's feelings. Do not underestimate or exaggerate the significance of what happened. It is necessary to talk with the person and make it clear that you understand and empathize with him. At this stage, a person can be advised to try to distract himself: find a hobby that will help distract himself, find something new for himself (it can be anything).

The fifth stage is Acceptance

Awareness and full understanding of what happened comes, and the most important thing is acceptance of it. The person begins to return to normal life. I recall many pleasant moments that happened at other stages. Critical and adequate thinking is gradually returning. Grief begins to be perceived as part of the past and an understanding comes that one can and should live with it. At the same time, a person regains the meaning of life and strength for this life. Emotions and feelings become brighter and more varied. Very often, at this stage, a person sums up and draws important conclusions for himself, the whole process of experiencing grief is processed into experience.

At this stage, it is worth supporting the person, noticing changes and progress with joy and a positive attitude. The person himself can be congratulated, you are returning to a fulfilling life!

It is worth remembering that working with a psychologist (or psychotherapist) is important throughout the entire journey of grief and helps to better cope with it, as well as get out with minimal losses for yourself.

If you still have questions about how to cope with grief, you can ask me, and I am ready to answer them for you.

Mikhail Ozhirinsky - psychoanalyst, group analyst.