Don't Worry: Your Baby Is Sexy

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Surely the phrase in the headline may puzzle many parents. Because people of the older generation still remember the aphorism inherited from Soviet times: "There is no sex in the USSR!" And even more so in childhood!

But our children, it turns out, have sexual behavior. And it always has been. And there are also sexual interests.

How can you get them on the right track? Where to start? What is considered the norm and what is a deviation?

From the reader's mail

Let my question not seem immodest to you. They took their three-year-old son to kindergarten - and literally in the very first days they heard from the nanny: “Your boy kissed a girl from the group! And then he turned his cheek to her for a kiss. " The remark confused us a little. Our little son is, in principle, affectionate - he always gives a "bus" to dad and mom and older sister. We considered it in the order of things. But recently we noticed: our baby is examining his genitals with interest. This is fine?

N. Kireeva, Moscow.

Please tell me at what age it is time to explain to the little daughter that she was not found in cabbage. And what is the right way to do it?

Veronica Krasnova, Vitebsk.

Caught my teenage son masturbating. I could hardly resist the desire to slap my hands. Our family is a believer, such things are considered a sin. And how to combine religion with science and wean our son from bad habits?

Grazhina B., Lvov.

Feel free to tell the kid that he has a penis

To date, it has been well established that sexual arousal can occur even in the fetus and infant. Many parents are well aware of the masturbation of 2-3-4 year old children. Researchers cite various reasons for this behavior - relieving stress, seeking comfort, or simply pampering.

There is no doubt that all children have sexual behavior. It is of a research nature. This can be observing oneself or other children while touching, playing in the "hospital" where the child can be a "patient" or "doctor", etc.

Over time, the little man begins to understand more and more that family, friends and society set a framework around his sexual activity, not encouraging or even disapproving of some of its manifestations.

Up to 8-9 years old, the child does not need any special sex education. It is enough to simply and accurately answer his questions.

For example, if a small child asks his mother about the name of his pussy, then we can say: "It is called a penis, but in our family we call it" pussy "." Usually the child will be satisfied with this answer. After a while, he may ask his mother: "Where did I come from, mom?"

She can safely answer such a question with a simple phrase: "A seed is placed in the tummy of mothers, and then it grows into a baby."

Children may well be satisfied with such an answer - and they do not need to be given any additional information at this stage of development.

As the child gets older, the same questions can be answered in more detail based on the information previously provided.

It's amazing that young children can have such a vocabulary of "grown-up" sexual words that adults may think their children understand more than they really do. Therefore, parents need to make sure they understand the level at which the child is asking the question.

WHAT CAN BE CONSIDERED NORMAL?

UNDER 2 YEARS

Behavior

Children experience pleasant feelings when caregivers touch different parts of the body.

They get acquainted with the structure of their body, examining themselves and those around them, and touching various parts of their body and loved ones.

Knowledge

At this age - the language for the designation of parts of the body, including the genitals, limited, "childish". Therefore, it is very important to ensure that the child is safe and protected from interference and unacceptable behavior of others.

FROM 2 TO 6 YEARS

Don't faint, but babies can masturbate. For example, at a time when they are in a state of stress and anxiety - to get a state of comfort. Children learn to masturbate alone as they get older. Masturbation is not harmful either physically or mentally, however, if children are compulsively masturbating, then this should be of concern to adults, since masturbation exhausts the child and adversely affects his mental and physical sphere. It is believed that children masturbate quite often who lack physical contact with their parents.

Behavior

May touch their own genitals and the genitals of other children.

They play in the "hospital", in "mothers and daughters" with their peers.

Interested in their own feces.

They watch with interest how others use the toilet and bathroom.

During games, they can pretend that they have a child in the belly.

Rubbing their genitals, masturbating when they feel uncomfortable, unhappy, tense, excited, or afraid of something.

Learn to kiss.

Knowledge

Children become more curious and talkative about some topics.

Develop a sexy vocabulary.

Simulate sexual activities without understanding.

Have limited knowledge of where babies come from.

Find out the differences between the sexes.

They ask about genitals, sexual intercourse.

The body parts are named more accurately.

Use slang to refer to bathroom and toilet procedures, genitals and sex.

Children examine or touch other children's genitals more often than adults realize.

FROM 6 TO 12 YEARS

Behavior

They can masturbate when they are alone.

Demonstrate embarrassment about sexual matters.

Mimic intercourse, kissing, and petting with peers.

They may have real intercourse, not really knowing about its consequences.

Knowledge

Have their own vocabulary for the genitals.

Expand knowledge of sexual behavior, sexual vocabulary and slang borrowed from the media and peers.

Not fully aware of intercourse and pregnancy.

Nevertheless, during this period of their sexual development, children increasingly understand the sexual behavior of adults, receive information on this topic from their parents or from other sources, and begin to exchange it with their peers. Wrong information may be spread among the guys. Boys and girls during this period often play completely separately from each other. The moral consciousness develops, with the parents being the main model of moral behavior and thinking.

But here, be careful

• If you notice that the child is masturbating, it is best to simply distract him or pretend that you are not interested in this activity. Do not withdraw his hand, hit it, threaten or punish.

• Has your child become sexually interested in peers? So it's time to start sex education for him. Do not shame, do not scold or threaten him with all kinds of horrors. Say that you will answer all his questions, because you know about everything much better than his friends. Try to answer the questions honestly and without hesitation, but do not delve into the topic.

• If your child begins to be secretive or become unaware of sexual relations, explain that you can be trusted even if someone asked him not to tell anyone about a secret. If you think that something has already happened to the child, ask leading questions. Try not to scare him, assure him that nothing bad will happen to him if he trusts you.

• Talk to children about the possibility of rape. Explain that there is a difference between the touch of a loving, loved one and someone else's. Teach the children to say “no” to invitations from strangers to go somewhere and see “something interesting”. Teach you to ask for help if someone is overly persistent. Explain that the body belongs only to him and no one has the right to touch it, insert any organs or fingers, even if it is pleasant and not painful. Agree that the child will immediately tell you about such cases.

ANECDOTE IN THEME

Eight-year-old son asks dad: what is abortion. He gave a 30-minute lecture in response. In the end he asks his son: "Do you understand everything?" “Yes, dad,” the son replies, “I just don't understand why the book says:“The waves beat against the side of the ship …”