Why Unloved Daughters Fall In Love With Daffodils

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

You take these games for passion. Narcissists love to play love games and you find yourself on a roller coaster because of his behavior and your reactions to him - this is a condition in our culture is often called true romantic love.

Many of us have fallen in love with or befriend daffodils - and here's why. It is important to understand that the narcissist's charm is obvious to everyone - he cares about his appearance, cultivates his charm and his sense of exclusivity, as shown in one German study, is taken for granted by others.

On some level, this is similar to the show "in the animal world" - a story about predators and prey. Imagine the voice of Nikolai Drozdov, familiar to us from childhood: "Now we are on the plain and see how beautifully the gazelle jumps, not knowing, not feeling that the lion is already waiting." We're getting ready for the inevitable ending. Ok, the story is not about gazelles, but the point is the same.

The goal of the study was to send men to the streets and ask them to approach random women in order to learn from them as much personal information as possible - what is their name, phone number, promises to go out for coffee or a drink.

And the more a man scored points on the narcissism scale, the more successful he achieved this task with strangers.

This suggests that even women with a secure attachment type are more likely to fall under the charm of the narcissist, which helps him to tick off his list of goals.

But women with a reliable type of attachment know how to share strength and bragging, stability and control, because they trust their own assessments, they are comfortable in close relationships, and they know what a healthy relationship looks like.

But for daughters with insecure attachments, this is not the case, their emotional needs were not met in childhood and they do not have this inner base that would help them to distinguish between a reliable guy with good intentions and a man who enters into a relationship only for satisfaction. your needs.

Of all three types of insecure attachment - anxious-resistant, anxious-avoidant, and disorganized - daughters with anxious-resistant and anxiously avoidant attachment are more likely to fall into the trap of the narcissist.

An anxious daughter, on the one hand, is a bunch of needs, and on the other, she is in constant anxiety. She is hyper-vigilant, she is afraid of being disappointed and deceived and therefore always checks if her lover really loves her.

She is a roller coaster of emotions, she rushes between panic, anger and a sense of her own incredible vulnerability. A daughter with an anxious-avoidant type of attachment has a very low opinion of herself and a high opinion of others, and she is inclined to build defenses around herself, she repels others, believing that she needs to defend herself, even when she really wants intimacy.

Both of these types are attractive to the narcissist because their behavior feeds his needs and wants. Here's a quick list to get you started on why narcissists are so attracted to insecure people.

To break out of a relationship with a narcissist, the unloved daughter must realize that she is the gazelle of that very example. (Important note: my article is directed to women, but you can swap men / women if necessary, but it is important to understand, although there are undoubtedly women narcissists, men are twice as likely to be diagnosed closer to the high point of the narcissistic spectrum).

Why unloved daughters fall in love with daffodils

1. Your needs give him strength

Narcissists like to take the initiative in their own hands and feel the excitement of being in control of the other, and your unmet needs open up great opportunities for him.

You really need love and a sense of connection to fill the hole in your heart left by your unloving mother, so it’s very likely that you won’t notice the drama tightening.

All problems are still masked by sex and warm feelings, which are caused by his words "everything is fine, do not worry." Sad truth? But the problem is not with you, but with him.

2. You are used to manipulation and control

Alas, this is true, if your mother had strong narcissistic traits, was in control or constantly swearing with you, then you expect this behavior from others and subconsciously consider it to be quite normal.

Most likely, you will not notice the subtle and not very subtle ways that he uses to gain control over you. You can also misinterpret his actions, mistaking them for caring for you, when it is only about control.

3. Your anger gives him a footing

Feelings of anger and jealousy easily arise in an anxious person at the slightest threat of separation and the narcissist present in your life knows about this and most likely he will use this knowledge in his game.

Narcissists are great specialists in transferring their feelings to you, this is a phenomenon that Dr. Craig Malkin, in his book Rethinking Narcissism, calls it "an emotional hot potato game."

When you lose control, sending endless messages to which he does not respond or write angry letters with threats, he will continue his bluff and tell you that these are your problems, not his, and will start threatening you himself. And this again increases his sense of control over you and at the same time gives him a sense of invincibility.

4. You are deaf to verbal abuse

Many unloved daughters experienced humiliation, neglect and verbal aggression in childhood, and many, unfortunately, internalized this assessment of themselves and decided that this was the norm. This is especially true for daughters who are actively trying to somehow save or fix their relationship with a toxic mother.

Your inability to recognize emotional toxicity, alas, gives the narcissist serious ground in your life, and then, one way or another, it will allow him to use various weapons to scare, bully and control you without any protest from you. This is another thing he likes about you.

5. You take these games for passion

Research shows that narcissists love to play love games in relationships and you find yourself on a roller coaster because of his behavior and your reactions to him - this is a condition in our culture is often called true romantic love.

The sad truth is that many women with insecure attachments in their pursuit of this passion, not knowing what a healthy relationship looks like, are likely to abandon a man who is predictable and emotionally stable, considering him "boring", preferring a man with a strong pronounced narcissistic traits that seem so "exciting".

This well-known pattern became the basis of the plot for the books about Bridget Jones and the film of the same name: the boring and predictable Mr. Darcy versus the adorable playboy Daniel Cleaver.

Understanding why the narcissist likes you and understanding your reactions and behavior will help you avoid similar mistakes in the future. And that's good news for a gazelle. However, it is incredibly difficult to recover and recover from a relationship with a narcissist.