Should I Be An Adult? Psychological Immaturity

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The man is 20 - 25 years old, he looks impressive, has a higher education, does not have bad habits, and desperately needs care. Why is this happening? Let's try to figure it out.

A young person is considered an adult, physically and legally, at the age of 18. The situation with psychological maturation is quite different. Sometimes people remain psychological children at 18, 28, and even 48 years old.

Here are the characteristics of a psychological child:

Psychological child always acts as a victim … He believes that life is unfair to him, he is not emotionally restrained, he always expects help from others, cannot make decisions on his own, makes claims, is not able to cope with the difficulties and problems that arise on the path of life. He always needs helpers and advisers.

Psychological child hates loneliness … In solitude, such people feel abandoned and unnecessary. They do not know how to live relying on their individuality, and seek to find an object of dependence for themselves. Merging with the object of attachment, the ability to control it, reduces the degree of loneliness and relieves depression. At the same time, the interests of such an “object” are not taken into account.

Psychological child cannot adequately define their capabilities … They always turn out to be overvalued or undervalued. Such a “dreamer” draws grandiose plans for the implementation of his ideas, clearly prescribing each step, and even plans the subsequent use of the results obtained from the implementation of plans. What is the disappointment of failure. A lot of guilty people, tantrums, complaints and, ultimately, depression and anger all over the world appear. Or, conversely, a person does not believe in his own strengths and capabilities at all. He sees incredible obstacles to achieving results, and decides to do nothing. A person cannot even think that it is possible to set intermediate goals, draw conclusions and move forward.

Psychological child inclined to indulge in dreamsdivorced from reality. These dreams can take you high and far. Enormous wealth, extraordinary beauty darling / chosen one, luxurious houses and cars, etc. And all this should happen magically: the inheritance of a rich relative who came from nowhere, a successful marriage, or, in extreme cases, a winning lottery ticket. No effort is needed. And now a man waits, waits, waits, and nothing. And as a result, as always, - anger towards the whole world, depression. Various TV series and computer games help dreams very well, they just as well heal from unfulfilled dreams.

Isn't it true that all this reminds us of our childhood. He had self-pity, and the desire for intimacy, and lack of confidence in his abilities, and sometimes, on the contrary, crazy courage, and, of course, dreams, where can we go without them. But there is growing up, and we are slowly getting rid of all hypertrophied feelings. The desire for intimacy turns into mature love, self-doubt, supported by education, turns into confidence, and dreams turn into plans. So what's wrong? Why is there a delay in psychological development? Where does psychological infantilism come from?

Growing up is a complex process of accumulating the experience of past years, based on overcoming difficulties, experiencing losses and gains, etc. Someone said very well: life experience is not the amount that has been lived, but the amount that has been understood. I totally agree with that.

But, it is the most important, and, ultimately, determines the psychological maturity, the process of separation of the growing up child from the parents. Everything counts here. How smoothly and painlessly did the separation from the parental family go and whether it happened at all. To what extent a person depends financially on his parents, and how independent he is in everyday life. And also, how much a person has learned to think independently and make decisions.

Quite often, parents are unable to let go of a matured child. They may not even be aware of it, and their motive will sound plausible enough. They worry about their child, because it is not independent enough, cannot stand up for itself, "break wood", being unattended, etc.

And it happens that a person in childhood, during the formation of relations with the object of separation, experienced loss or betrayal, and such a childhood trauma does not allow him to be alone. A person feels a constant need to be with someone, to merge and not let go, subconsciously fearing a new loss.

Consider the possible factors that lead to psychological immaturity. They can be internal or external.

Internal factors:

Man can not to be an adult (no skill, experience, ability);

Man not used to be an adult (the skill is present, but not necessary);

Man doesn't want being an adult (fear or unwillingness to make decisions).

These three components - skill, habit and desire - are the main inducers to adulthood.

External factors:

Restraining adults' independence in childhood. This is when parents or other significant adults say: it's too early for you, you can get hurt, spoil, break, let me do it better. The child's adult behavior should be supported and reinforced.

Unwillingness, refusal of the child to learn anything. Parents should, at any age of the child, teach him to be independent. Elders should be leaders and lead by example to the child. They must show the correct actions, and suggest the right decisions, in this or that case.

Childhood trauma … The loss of a parent or both parents, another significant loved one, the forced isolation of the child from the parents, etc. And, as a result, the fear of loss and the desire to be separated from someone.

It is important to foster independence from childhood. But there are times when it is not children at all that are not independent and psychologically mature, but quite adults. But even then, the approach to learning independence remains the same.

It is necessary to artificially create certain situations when:

Being an adult is physically and psychologically capable;

Being independent and an adult is beneficial and useful, and therefore attractive;

To be independent when it is impossible otherwise, the situation compels and obliges, and no one is around.

Thus, with a relatively correct approach to learning, a person forms for himself certain components that make it useful and beneficial to strive for psychological maturation:

- the necessary skills and experience;

- the habit of adult behavior;

- interest and benefits of adult behavior:

- life values: you need to be an adult - that's right;

- personal self-identification: I am independent and responsible - I am an adult.

And of course, psychological maturity does not depend on a person's age.

Thank you for attention.

All the best!