2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Often, psychotherapeutic work consists in the competent accompaniment of personal expansion. That is, in helping a person as much as possible conflict-free and consciously go beyond the limits that artificially limit him, making him less effective, less successful and less happy than he would like and could be. We do not have these frameworks by nature, on the contrary, they block our nature - they limit our talents, abilities and needs. Self-realization is always expansion.
The inner instance, the limiting and overwhelming influence of which has to be realized and consistently excluded from both communication and intra-psychic life - the Critical Parent (intrapsychic message “You are not OK”). And the inner resources that allow us to be effective, realized and happy are a combination of three non-contaminated ego states - Free Child (intrapsychic message “I want it”), Adult (intrapsychic message “I know how to get it”) and Caring Parent (intrapsychic message "You are OK").
If the Critical Parent takes away faith in himself and suppresses, hiding behind pseudo-ethics (prohibitions), then the Caring Parent performs both permissive and ethical functions. Permission is necessary here, because if it is not there or if there are doubts about it, then in fact it is a prohibition - an internal unconscious prohibition on adequately satisfying needs and following one's own interests. Real ethics is necessary here, since it is possible (and necessary) to satisfy needs and pursue one's interests by doing it “environmentally”, that is, without causing damage and discomfort to yourself or the environment. Real ethics is the principle of "do to another as you want him to do to you."
A precise definition of a Caring Parent is important, otherwise the task of neutralizing the Critical Parent will be impossible. As Claude Steiner put it, “there is no parenting function that cannot be performed by a Nurturing Parent alone without the involvement of a Controlling Parent” - this is in the context of parent-child relationships. And in the context of adult relationships, this is, first of all, an adequate, caring and ethical attitude towards oneself, which is mirrored in relation to others. Such an attitude is cooperative, parity, sincere, that is, free from games, self-deception, lies and salvation. Therefore, a Caring Parent is a protective and controlling authority that gives permission to meet needs in a healthy, socially acceptable way.
“At first they don't notice you, then they laugh at you, then they fight with you. And then you win,”said Mahatma Gandhi. At any time, the one who created, invented or researched something new, thereby, first of all, made a step beyond the boundaries of the thinkable and permitted. Copernicus had some problems to prove that the earth revolves around the sun, and not vice versa, as everyone always believed before. Tesla realized his “crazy” ideas not without obstacles, and it was he who, from a technical point of view, “invented the 20th century”. Any entrepreneur or creator had people around him who did not believe in him or discouraged him from taking risks. And not only in business, in personal life the same law applies - it is impossible to build the desired relationship without consistently following your interests, the ability to negotiate and permission for expansion. Or it will be a so-so relationship.
By virtue of his habit of going into ever new orbits, Elon Musk is the most vivid symbol of the expansion of our days. As a person who knows what he wants and knows how to organize and motivate others to get it. However, like May Musk, who at one time gave her children the necessary permissions, instead of providing them with the usual prohibitions. Therefore, the expansion can be measured in masks. More precisely, for convenience - in decimasks, that is, tenths of a mask as a unit of ability to realize their potential, because not everyone needs to create startups, launch rockets and colonize Mars: for many, creating a happy family or a favorite business is exactly what they need and what they do absolutely happy and them, and their environment. So may there be with each of us as many decimasks as necessary for a healthy expansion. And let the Critical Parent melt away like a jet engine trail in the blue sky.
Picture: Tesla
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