How To Talk To Someone Who Shy Away From Answering?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It happened so historically, it is generally accepted that men are more closed in relationships. They do not like all these heart-to-heart conversations, they avoid answering, they do not allow themselves to nurse, show weakness. And women who act as the guardians of the home are more capable of dialogue and emotions

It's time to eliminate this stereotype. During my practice, I have met a lot of different things, and women just like to avoid answering when a conversation is unpleasant for them, they do not want to open up and discuss what is happening.

Why is this happening?

1 - Greetings from childhood. An example of a family, when a child from year to year observes such behavior of his parents, he will involuntarily repeat their fate. If parents think that your hushing up of problems remains invisible to children, then you are deeply mistaken. The child may not understand everything, but he perfectly feels that something is happening. Silencing the problem poisons your life and traumatizes your baby

2 - Adolescence. Parents are trying to extort information from their child. And when they hear an answer that they don't like, they start scolding him. There is a double trauma, at first the parents pretend to be your friends, find out the truth, and then they punish you for your frankness. And then there are prohibitions based on the situation: you no longer communicate with your company, because your parents don’t like it, or you don’t do music, because in the opinion of mom and dad, it influences you badly

3 - Not accepting emotions. This happens if you have had this in a past relationship, or it all started in this one. For example, you share with your partner emotions: you feel bad, or you are worried about his coldness (will not hug in public). But instead of some adequate reaction, you see his anger. Instead of helping you solve the problem, a scandal begins, a quarrel. What happens next? That's right, you close. Is there any point in saying something if there is no development other than swearing?

Not wanting to open up is most often based on fear. I will trust, I will tell you something, but they will not understand me, or they will misunderstand me. From my experience in consultations, the next place is occupied by the panic "if I confess to something like that, everyone will consider me weak." In third place is shame. This is a very destructive emotion and cannot be removed. If you can still somehow deal with the feeling of guilt “tell me what my fault is, I'll try to fix it,” then with shame this method will not work. Shame will make you disappear, hide, run away

Shame is the worst tolerated by a person, not only emotionally, but also physically. He will poison your existence, make you withdraw into yourself and thereby avoid it. How does shame arise? For example, your partner comes and says that he does not feel the same in the relationship as before, now everything is worse. And you understand that you no longer make him happy, self-flagellation instantly begins and, as a result, a feeling of shame arises. Sometimes a person tries to protect himself without taking responsibility for his actions “you knew who I was, you chose”

How can this issue be resolved?

Positive feedback, self-disclosure, and sincerity from the other person will help you. It is difficult to expect frankness from a partner if you do not give it yourself. Therefore, start with yourself, speak up, confess, share. The phrase “share your innermost with me, I will understand you better and in the end we will both be happier” helps a lot to start a dialogue. Naturally, no aggression, reproaches and accusations, share, and do not sort things out. A little secret, if you speak slowly, slowly, then you will not lose control over your emotions and do not say too much. The interlocutor will not feel danger and will not defend himself, the dialogue will work out. Introduce a taboo on the phrase "you made me unhappy" replace with "I feel unhappy because I rarely see you." The information was reported, not accused, together we found a way out of the situation - everything is in the black. Use templates that work “I’m afraid that if we don’t talk about our problem, we will become even more distant. When you close, I feel doubt and uncertainty in myself. If we could talk about serious things more often, I would feel more confident and happier."