2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
An interesting fact: first we want to find an adult and independent, purposeful and fulfilled person, and then we will definitely start teaching him how to live correctly. And be sure to change it in the direction you need. The key word is "myself". After all, no one asks a partner if he wants to change himself. And no matter how many people talk about the fact that it is impossible to change another person, it seems to us that we will really succeed. Either because our case is exceptional, or because we overestimate our own influence on another, or because we firmly believe in a unique charisma, followed by thousands. In our head there is already a detailed plan to block the consciousness of a partner. And if this is not achieved clumsily, through orders and exhortations, then we go around. We begin to change ourselves and look forward to the next one to follow us.
There is a good phrase by Seraphim of Sarov: "Save yourself, and thousands around you will be saved."
It makes no sense to fit people close to you to the right size. The person is either yours or not your size. Either you change your price, or you change the store. Give up trying to change the person. And at the same time, give up the illusion that your personal transformations will become a catalyst for changes in the other.
There will undoubtedly be changes, but no one promises that these will be the changes that you expected. Your transformation is only your business. Relatives may simply not be ready for it, and then a certain price must be paid for their awareness.
It is possible that everything will go the way you want. You will feel lightness in the relationship, see the desired transformations in the other, and you will be united by a common goal and intention to change. Tied by one chain, you will rush together towards a brighter future. In your imagination, this is the only way: there will be changes, and they must certainly be for the better.
In this intention, only one thing is true: there will be changes, but not necessarily for the better.
"To love is to see a person as God intended him to be."
F. M. Dostoevsky
You should be prepared for the fact that your partner goes his own way and at the speed of development he needs. He did not order the changes you require, but at this stage of his life he is satisfied with everything as it is now. Or does not suit him, but he does not yet have a firm intention to change something in himself. Or he is not ready to watch how you change before his eyes, and your new outlook on life will not fit into his picture of the world. Perhaps you yourself will understand that now you are at different stages of development and no longer see the prospects for joint life-creation. Perhaps this is the moment when it is necessary to make a difficult, but fundamental decision to continue to go through life not together.
All of the above will be no better and no worse than what we have now. It's just a new stage in your life and new opportunities for developing relationships. You just need to remember: going to such measures, what price are you willing to pay for them? To bring clarity on the shore, so that in the ocean of life's passions you do not have to swim alone to reach the shore of your choice.
So that it doesn't turn out, as in that statement: "I just wanted to expand my consciousness a little, but it turned out that the walls of the skull were load-bearing."
It is important to take into account the messages of the partner. Give up once and for all the myth that your transformation will immediately affect your partner in the direction you need. There are no guarantees. Life is not ready to provide them at all, but it will always provide you with a lot of opportunities. Warm, long-haired, but such a dreary present or dangerous, unpredictable, but promising future. It is only your choice and the responsibility for it is only yours.
The desire to see a partner nearby throughout the entire path of reaching a new level is a desire to share responsibility, to have support in case we stumble ourselves. We are ready to dispose of other people's destinies with full responsibility when we do not dare to take it upon ourselves.
"Love means: to provide another space in which his Soul is looking for its path."
Bert Hellinger
Answer yourself honestly to the question: "Why do you need your partner to change?" By being honest with yourself, the answers you receive will clearly demonstrate that the design is selfish. And no matter how many laments about the aimlessly wasted time later, there is only one truth - you started this game for yourself.
Try to be as honest with yourself and others as possible. Do not advertise bright changes in the life of another, while this is just your picture of the desired future. This complicates things a lot. The only person who can give you happiness and on whom you can rely with all the courage in the process of conscious life-creation is only you.
You are looking for support in something else, because you yourself are insecure. You know so clearly what others need, what advice to give to others, how to help them change something in life, but you know so little about yourself. And this is running in a circle. You will always lack an indestructible support within yourself, and until you find it, you will always be engaged in someone else's life. When a person does not have his own business, he begins to deal with others. When a person cannot take care of himself, he begins to exchange responsibilities with others so that they cannot function without him.
The person who can help you on your journey through life is only yourself. And if your current partner does not share your aspirations, the best thing you can do for yourself is to admit that you are powerless in this situation. Recognize powerlessness not because there is no more strength, but then to leave strength for what is really important and where our efforts will be important and will bring the maximum return.
Of course, there is a great temptation to be with someone who will protect and who will serve as insurance. But then we become dependent on the other, and there will always be a desire, at an opportunity, to blame him for our defeat.
Not "I spent my best years on you," but "I chose to spend my best years with you and that was my choice." And if suddenly you find that your partner no longer suits you, it is because you yourself have reached a stage in your life when you no longer want to live in the old way. A partner does not change dramatically in one day, he has always been who he is now. You just became different. The partner who is next to you is not a stranger to your inner world. Probably just the way he is - this is the reason why you wanted to change. He got into your most painful places, which bleed for a long time due to the fact that there was no way to consciously live them. Our partner is our growth zone and already for this he should be grateful. It is with a partner that we reproduce a painful past and repressed feelings. It is he who will point out to us the unmet needs, the time of which has come. Perhaps his mission is not to become your life companion, but to simply show the right path for you, but then go your own way.
The partner does not fully match you, he is not you. You have common points of intersection, but there are also differences. Your height is only your area of responsibility. You yourself have chosen it - you will be responsible for it. And pay the price they deserve without bargaining or trying to delay payment.
If you doubt - don't do it, if you do - don't doubt it.
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