Love And Sex With A Narcissist Man

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

To begin with, we will discuss who a narcissist is. This is a man who received a narcissistic trauma in childhood and his personality was formed in accordance with this trauma.

What did the parents do with such a boy in childhood? They perceived him as their thing. He is, by and large, a child used by parents. How did they do it? Criticism, comparison with other boys, remarks, ridicule, humiliation, insults, shaming and other forms of devaluation and emotional abuse. The parent of such a boy has set high standards for him since childhood and demanded compliance with his expectations, so such a child is used to living in a constant feeling of insignificance and shame for his existence.

And he will generously share all this with his woman in adulthood. He will be intolerant of his and her mistakes, will criticize his woman, make comments to her about and without reason, compare her with others, devalue and even humiliate her at times. Why will he do all this? He has no other model of relationship. And everything that his parents did to him, he will try to do with his woman and his children, or he will find a narcissist woman and will endure all this from her.

But at the very beginning of a relationship in a romantic phase, this man is able to cause a powerful wave of admiration in a woman. At first, he seems to her ideal, a prince on a white horse. He looks after impeccably and even seems sensitive. But be careful - his sensitivity is as fake as his whole ideality. He just learned from childhood at what moment what feelings should be shown, but in fact he does not feel anything. Yes! Yes! It's hard to believe it, but his feelings are formal. And a little later you will feel this coldness inside him. And the pain that he "wants" to inflict on you and your children. The pain of depreciation. He will compete with his own children, comparing himself to them and winning the competition from his child: "I am better than you." He will compete with you too.

All his techniques: devaluation, criticism, remarks and dissatisfaction with you and the child are aimed only at restoring his own self-esteem, once underestimated by parents in childhood. And the more he humiliates and devalues, the more significant and grandiose he seems to himself. And all this happens to him unconsciously. Because in reality he is not sure of himself that he is worthy and good to be with you. He is humiliated in childhood and the pain of this humiliation does not subside with time, but only grows. He feels worthy only next to insignificance, against the background of insignificants one does not need to try hard and be a superhero. Therefore, the narcissist, without fail, slowly and surely turns his woman into a nonentity and children too. He has no other way to feel his greatness, pride in himself.

And he is also very afraid that he will be exposed and understand that he is not a hero at all, but a nonentity, and that a woman could never understand this, he tries to knock the ground out from under her feet, more and more involving her in a scenario of helplessness and insecurity. in itself. Because in his soul, his inner child is scared and ashamed of himself. This is the eternal struggle of the narcissist between heaven and earth, between his own greatness and insignificance. This man is bipolar.

Emotionally contacting him is impossible. His feelings are emasculated and he understands little in general about feelings and can only play some kind of feeling. But he can be quite indirectly aggressive: unconsciousness and outbursts of anger can be inherent in this type of man. Moreover, the reason may be insignificant. But yelling and showing your worth through anger is one of the narcissist's moves. He is often dissatisfied with everything and if he does not give out outbursts of anger, then he constantly grumbles that everything is wrong and not right for him.

Dissatisfaction with himself, which the narcissist carefully hides, is projected onto the world around him. Therefore, a woman who once married a "prince" later feels emotionally abandoned, humiliated and unhappy.

But there is one thing, but with narcissists, very dependent women turn out to be in a pair, prone to the victim scenario, insecure. And in fact, the narcissist in a close relationship does not need a woman, but her love, her recognition and admiration. The narcissist is incapable of love. He loves self-love and the sacrifice of a woman for himself and his interests, as well as his power over her. In power, he feeds his ego, so he initially attempts to enslave a woman, creates conditions for her in which she depends on him emotionally and financially, and such a woman, as a rule, agrees to all his proposals.

But as soon as a woman stops giving him her love, ceases to admire him, and this may be, if she is undergoing her personal therapy, she becomes either uninteresting to him at all, or he manipulates the woman's dependence on himself, prevents her from visiting a psychologist, because afraid of losing her.

There is another option, how to maintain a relationship with the narcissist, although they are deliberately toxic, but if you really need to stay in a pair with him, then show him your boundaries, your independence and your aggressiveness. And if the aggressiveness of the narcissist is less powerful than yours, then he will calm down and become a fluffy cat, but for a while. As soon as you relax, he will again attempt to suppress you with his methods of emotional violence, including manipulation. The narcissist manipulates with fear of loss, shame and guilt. That is, you will have to live in constant tension, be alert and reflect his attacks. In general, whatever one may say, do you need such happiness?

But if you really need it, then I will tell you one more antidote. Praise him, praise him. He scolds you, and you praise him in return. Be aware that when he criticizes you, he is trying to heal his childhood wound with you, he is trying to increase his own respect by criticizing you. And he really needs recognition in the form of praise and admiration. If he is dear to you: praise. Although he definitely traumatizes children with this, as his parents once traumatized him. Okay, now I will please you a little.

Narcissists have their advantages too. Since narcissists have a heightened sense of self-worth and hurt self-esteem, he will compete in society and achieve social success and high positions even. He loves success and power and knows how to make money: not all, of course, but many of them are quite successful in society. There are many narcissists in power, politics, and business. They are great at this. So you can feel financially secure next to him. But during a divorce, it is completely unclear how he will behave. If you deprive him of your admiration, he can deprive you of money and peace. But half of the other narcissists are really men who have not achieved anything, but at the same time inflate their ego from scratch and I advise you to immediately sweep this option aside.

And a little about bedding with a daffodil. There is nothing to write about here. The narcissist is as empty in intimate life as in emotional life. In sex, he can even be highly technical, he is a perfectionist in everything and technically he can be quite savvy, well, or so he can think of himself that he is savvy and unique in bed. But you will still feel a lack of warmth during sex. It will just be a technical performance of the role. Formality shines through in everything that the narcissist does not touch. It will be important for him that you certainly reach an orgasm and he even agrees to "torture" you for three hours in bed just to "squeeze" an orgasm out of you and amuse his pride. It's hard for him to lose, and even more so in sex. Therefore, he can be a diligent technical lover, but emptiness and coolness shines through in everything that he does not touch, and your body is no exception. And yet, as soon as you gain strength and leave him, he will very quickly make a new girlfriend. The scenery has changed, but the actor is the same. By and large, this man is not for close and warm relationships. Although he can be convenient in terms of the material rear, if you're lucky. But the payment for material security is very high - your dignity and your self-respect.