2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
People meet, people fall in love, get married … and get divorced. Divorce is traumatic for both adults and children. The reality of the situation is that hundreds of spouses, going through a divorce, consciously or unconsciously behave in such a way that they exacerbate the already difficult experiences of their sons and daughters. It happens that the mental wounds received by boys and girls remain with them for the rest of their lives.
Your children are not your exclusive property. They are generally the result of the love of two people. If you criticize the other parent, then you are criticizing half of your child. Sometimes it causes irreparable damage to the child's soul. If you devalue yourself or your other parent, your ex-partner, you are telling your son or daughter that they themselves are half good. This is possibly the greatest cruelty a parent can tolerate. My psychotherapeutic practice shows that almost every second patient of mine carries a feeling of his own inferiority, often rooted in childhood experiences about parental divorce.
Being a parent is the most difficult and rewarding thing in the world. Parents raise their children together, solving difficulties with varying degrees of success. But marriages don't last forever. Divorce is painful. And, if the parties begin to use their own children as a tool of struggle, then they thereby inflict irreparable harm on the child.
But if you really want to harm your children for the rest of their lives, then use the following guidelines:
- Let your child witness your quarrels, scandals and recriminations.
- Don't tell your child the truth about divorce. If this is not possible, delay the moment of the conversation until the last.
- Ask your son / daughter to choose between you and your ex-spouse.
- Tell him / her how badly you feel right now and how good the other parent is.
- Discourage your child from seeing the other parent's family.
- Reassure your child that seeking professional help is a bad idea.
- Use your son / daughter as a carrier pigeon. "Tell your father … / Tell your mother …".
- Question the child with passion after he has returned from the other parent about what the father / mother had.
- Make your son / daughter feel like an outsider, an outcast unnecessary in the other parent's house
- Prevent your child from talking about divorce and his experiences.
- Cry with a child over old photographs.
- Ask your child to call your new partner "dad / mom."
- Insist that the child's meetings with the other parent only take place in your presence. At the same time, sabotage these meetings.
- When meeting with your ex-spouse, argue with him, make sarcastic remarks, in every possible way demonstrate a deterioration in your mood. Let the child see it all.
- Reassure your son / daughter that only the other parent is fully responsible for the divorce.
- Stop all attempts by your ex-spouse to have a good time with the child.
- Spread the opinion among your relatives, acquaintances, how bad the other parent is and how happy your life is now. Use social networks for this.
- Use your kids as emotional crutches to deal with your mental pain. Transform your child into a replacement for an ex-spouse. "You and I don't need anyone else."
- Tell your son / daughter: "You are / are the same as your father / mother."
- Devalue the other parent in front of the child. Idealize yourself.
I hope the reader will forgive my sarcasm. Surely I'm sure no one in their right mind will
follow the provided guide. True, during a divorce, it is difficult for the parties to maintain clarity of mind under the cover of resentment, anger, disappointment, fear, guilt. Therefore, most likely, I will not be left without work. Again and again, adult men and women will come to me, inside of whom the inconsolable wounded boys and girls continue to live.
Be the best parent you can be. If the marriage ends, come as a couple for marital therapy to minimize the harm from divorce and provide professional support for your children. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
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