2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There is one very persistent illusion inherent in many, very many people: the illusion of self-understanding and self-awareness. This is the idea that you understand everything about yourself, control your thoughts, feelings and actions, and can explain why you do it. The majority of Europeans in the 19th century did not think that something in their behavior could not be controlled. As the research psychologist D. Barg writes, “the idea that we are the masters of our own souls, that we are at the helm, is very dear to all of us, and the opposite is very scary. In fact, this is psychosis - a feeling of detachment from reality, loss of control, and this will scare anyone."
The frightening discovery of the 20th century is that we are really not at the helm.
To be more precise, we can control our own path, but for this we need to wake up, get behind the wheel and have an idea of where to go. And to wake up, is greatly hampered by the belief that we are already awake and running everything. This belief is so strong that people do not notice the obvious absurdity and contradictions in their own behavior.
So, extremely aggressive people can quite seriously believe that they are actually kind and nice. But this person is a little annoying … And this one … And if you destroy a couple of hundred thousand people, then peace will not leave their souls at all.
Those who wish for good at close range do not see how they do evil. Those living in the most difficult psychological conditions are so adept at deceiving themselves that now they diligently convince others that they are good, but others live wrong. I have met people who became interested in Buddhism and convinced themselves that they were free from all passions and attachments. But they defended their beliefs with such fury, and spoke of their impartiality with such passion in their voices that it was hard to believe. More precisely, I couldn't believe it at all. As in an old joke: "I flew five thousand kilometers in order to tell you straight to your face how indifferent you are to me." I noticed a tendency: the more “enlightened” a person is, the worse he notices his own shadow sides, which are very noticeable from the outside. … The famous Dunning-Kruger effect: "the less competent a person, the more he overestimates himself and his competence." Or, as B. Russell said, “only fools and fanatics are confident in themselves, smart people are constantly tormented by doubts” … The less people are competent in themselves, the more categorical their words: “I never envy … You must always do this … I I love everyone (or must love everyone) "…
The following words spoken by one man to his girlfriend are very characteristic:
- I understood everything, I realized that I constantly put pressure on the people around them, and it makes them feel bad, yes … That's it, I'm ready to change. Lena, now it's your turn! Admit that you were wrong, admit that you behaved unworthily. If you don’t realize this, then I just don’t know what I’ll do …
And he REALLY sees no paradox in what he says.
People are constantly deceiving themselves, in big and small. Psychologist Tom Wilson once asked two groups of students to choose from a large number of paintings and posters any they liked and take them home. Only students from the second group had to explain in writing why they liked the pictures. Six months later, Wilson asked the participants if they liked the paintings. Those who took it and left, without much hesitation, were quite happy. Those who gave the explanations quietly hated their posters and paintings.
Psychology knocked out from under our feet the confidence that we remember. Research has shown that we do not remember reality. We remember a picture that consisted of elements of reality connected by fantasy and fiction. Let me give you a wonderful experiment by W. Neisser. He invited a group of students to tell what they had heard about the explosion of the Space Shuttle Challenger on the news. All students wrote reports more or less corresponding to reality. Three years later, Neisser asked the 44 remaining students by that time to recall that event again. There was not a single accurate report, and a quarter of them were completely different from the old ones. So, one subject in the old report said that he learned about what happened in the dining room, and in the new one - that "some girl ran into the hall and shouted that the shuttle exploded." Another student learned of the explosion in religious studies, but a new report revealed that she was watching TV with her friends, and there the shocking disaster was reported on the breaking news. When students were shown their old reports, many insisted that later memories were more accurate. They were very reluctant to agree with early reports. "Yes, this is my handwriting, but I still remember differently!" (L. Mlodinov. Unconscious. S. 112-113).
"But I still remember differently!" - because it's scary to imagine that most of what you remember is fantasy. That fiction and reality are so closely intertwined that it is no longer clear what, where and how it was in the past … And that you do not control memory. No way
Even knowing about any of your own peculiarities, understanding your own absurdity, often does not help.
- I kept telling myself: I will no longer mess with alcoholics. Everything! And so, I go, I see a handsome man, we like each other, passion flares up … And at some point I find out: he loves to drink. Very … I am in despair, I always try to break out of this vicious circle, but again and again I come across the fact that the normal are not interesting to me, boring, and I instantly and completely unconsciously calculate alcoholics from the crowd as “interesting men”. Some demon possessed me and I can't do anything about it.
The girl seems to understand, but there is no control over what is happening. This gives rise to despair, the feeling that a person has no control over himself at all. "Destiny", "karma" …
The main consequence of the illusion of self-understanding is such a powerful defense reaction as "this cannot happen to me!"
- I will never fall into any sect, it is impossible for me to "brainwash" (this was the opinion of quite smart people, however, with the illusion that they understand themselves)
- I know how it really is, because I am able to be objective! (This is the opinion of people who have spent a lot of effort to ignore everything that does not fit into "how it really is")
- My opinion is based on life experience and facts, and opponents succumbed to propaganda and lies! (this is often the opinion of those who reproduce the most hackneyed cliches).
If you suddenly realize that you do not understand yourself well, it may not be so terrible. Perhaps it is at this moment that the overcoming of the illusion of self-understanding begins. Someone does not need it, because, in the end, a better understanding of one's motives and goals does not always lead to happiness, in a lot of wisdom - many sorrows.
In general, do not flatter yourself.
Ilya Latypov
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