Woman Or Dust?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

If you are dust, it doesn't matter what clothes you wear. For some time you will manage to be unnoticed on the floors of someone else's clothes, but sooner or later you will be swept away as an element that spoils the appearance. It is hard to live a life of dust: on the one hand, you are light and adapt to any conditions, and on the other hand, they are trying to get rid of you as soon as possible. Close the windows tightly, brush them off with your hand or a rag, even the dust collectors were invented against you

You consider yourself dust. For a long time, you don't even remember when it first happened. More precisely, you remember exactly how you were convinced of this from time to time, but when you first felt this feeling you do not know. Most likely, this happened a very long time ago, when you could not critically evaluate everything that you heard about yourself. When your ideas about who you are were formed under the influence of people who are important to you. Maybe you were three years old? Or four? What difference does it make now? The important thing is that you absorb these beliefs like a sponge and consider them yours. You lost yourself under a layer of superficial beliefs that buried your inner Natural child, which you were originally, as the Creator intended you to be. This child lies under a layer of dust, into which he himself has gradually turned. A smeared, weak child with dull eyes. A beggar who walks around the world in search of warmth. A beggar with an outstretched hand, praying for a drop of love. Isn't that how you feel?

In every glance you meet, you dream of seeing a refutation of your beliefs about yourself, but in vain. You are positioned the way you think of yourself. Your female rating has not only dropped to zero, but also passed the negative mark. How else can you look at a beggar? Someone will look away with disgust, someone will pass by indifferently, and someone, perhaps, will regret it and give a handful of attention and care. In this act of giving, you will want to see Love. And you will see her. But not because it is there, but because your thirst for Love is stronger than the truth.

You are stuck. Like a mongrel, you run after the first oncoming passer-by, who deserves your attention. You run joyfully, getting tangled under your feet, knocking down the benefactor. You run to where he goes, moving further and further from the place where it was bad. Need to go to the ends of the world for a sweetheart? Do you need to be in sorrow and in joy? So it will be so. If only away from emptiness and loneliness. But the miracle doesn't happen. Emptiness and loneliness follow you on your heels. They have long become your faithful companions. You drank more than one glass of wine with them at brotherhood. In fact, you try to escape from yourself, but you always stay with yourself, only in new scenery.

At the end of the world, you are again not needed. They close the doors in front of you and get rid of them like dust. Life is like déjà vu. How many times have you gone through this, but each time it hurts like the first time. Wrong person again? I do not think. You were not deceived when alms were given. You yourself wanted to see Love where it was not, passed off wishful thinking. New beliefs were added to the old beliefs about their worthlessness and wretchedness. Now you are no longer a speck of dust, but a handful of dust that you try to put into the eyes of others, hiding your naturalness. Or maybe you're not even trying anymore. Tired. Better to be inconspicuous and accept the situation as it is.

Dust, mongrel, beggar, beggar…. These are not my words. You call yourself that. The words rumble in your head, giving a sharp headache to your temples. The spasms constrict your throat, and you can no longer hold back the tears. Pain and emotion burst out in deafening screams and hysteria.

You are alive!

You cleanse with the flow of tears. From the depths of the subconscious, like a devil from a snuff-box, every disapproving glance, every condemning word and reproachful tone emerges. Like a sharp knife, they cut your heart, and now there are deep scars on it. Supernatural beliefs have hidden your soul under a cloud of dust, making it less sparkling and alive.

"I'm alive! I just want to be good! I want to be loved! " she screams.

Constant criticism and failure made you yourself believe that you deserved it. Your Natural Child is faced with a brutal reality: the world is hard to please. But if you try or give up your true desires, then you can try happiness. Constant shame made you feel lonely and worthless. Become dust. And the constant rejection of your feelings made you insensitive to yourself. The mechanism of psychological defense worked. You have learned to believe that accusations do not hurt you, and that you are insensitive to condemnation. From the outside, everything is fine, in reality it seems that you are falling apart.

Like a cork from a bottle of champagne, your pain is torn out and quickly flies out in a heart-rending scream. “I am not Dust! I am not a Victim! "

Well done, my dear, scream at the top of your lungs, you are recovering. The poison of resentment, humiliation, shame comes out of you. Just do not rush to get rid of it as soon as possible. The intoxication of consciousness with limiting beliefs lasted so long that you can't spit it out at once. Your beliefs have never been true. Never again give up your feelings again, do not seal the bottle, take out the fragments from the heart, heal over and over again. Otherwise, it will hurt again, and you will again howl softly like a mongrel. Now you are in pain, each shard of pain is extracted in great agony.

In the language of psychology, now you contain suppressed feelings, return them to me, clothe pain in words, throw out the poison outward, surrender to experiences completely. Today I will be with you, and if necessary, then not only today. Until you are completely cleared of the pain you received. It is possible. Perhaps you will remember the first time she settled in your heart and rooted it out of your past, in which you were stuck. I'm sure you can do it.

I know it's hard for you to open up, trust, show your vulnerability, strip to the naga and experience the shame again. But for the time being it is difficult for you to survive. Without a "container" (a therapist, a loved one) so far, nothing.

I have good news for you. The most difficult and most important thing you did: you realized that you no longer want to be dust without desires and feelings, and after this decision you can already become anyone. Dust is an element of inanimate nature, and you are LIVING. Now let you be pinned to the wall. But you no longer agree to live like this. And can this be called life?

It may turn out that having lost your inner pain, you will feel a huge emptiness inside. Do not rush to fill it with a surrogate. Don't settle for pitiful handouts and gnawed bones from the table of life. You have already gone through this experience, you yourself are now laughing at your universal rake. It's great that you still have healthy humor and self-irony.

Pay close attention to what seeds you plant in the bare garden of your soul. Gradually, pouring out pain in small portions, you will feel the need to fill the resulting void with new sensations. And I really want you to cry again very soon, but now from happiness, from a burning desire to live and great love for yourself and those around you.