2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Recently, I often think about how often people live their lives, as if in a trance, in a mode of social functionality and total anesthesia of their feelings.
When I first came to therapy, I called this condition in myself "plastic". When the world lost its clarity in everything, the taste became insipid, the forms were everyday, the smells were muffled, the sounds were muffled or annoying, time passed through our fingers with charts carved in stone: morning-afternoon-evening-night, Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday-Friday- weekends. I ceased to be Katya and curled up inside myself into a snail and went into hibernation. I went to the bottom and left only a function on the surface. At such a time, it was as if only one head remained from my body. Thinking, talking, tired. I thought I was living two days a week. And that's not necessary.
But it began to be called plastic for me only when I allowed myself to feel at least something, and before that it was called “everything is fine”. Only something was sucking under the spoon all the time and sometimes I wanted to cry from this "normal". How did it happen?
In a stressful situation, there are several natural reactions, they are biological in nature, and we can say, "sewn" into us from birth:
- Run.
- Fight.
- Pretend to be dead.
It is in this sequence. The plastic and trance state is, in fact, the third way. When it is impossible to run away for some reason, and there is no strength to fight (or it is prohibited), all that remains is to hide. Leave a functioning part of yourself on the surface, and go deep underground yourself. And this happens often not noticeably and somehow quietly. Desires become less, a state of constant fatigue, then the eye twitches, then insomnia will attack and nothing particularly pleases.
Everything is fine. So NORMAL that you want to howl at the moon, bury your head in social networks, and cover yourself with a couple of longer series. And the "taste of life" still seems to be missing.
In psychotherapy, one of the main tasks of a psychologist is to train the client in awareness, sensitivity to his own states, to his body. Gaining sensitivity, of course, is not a simple and painful process, because at first those feelings that have frozen are experienced, but over time it passes and there is an opportunity to gain the fullness of being, "the taste of life", to return to the lost integrity.
Functionality remains and is enriched, because it gets the opportunity to be filled with meaning and joy. This also applies to work and relationships with children, lovers, friends. This is about LIFE, not functioning. And the difference, you see, is cardinal.
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