2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Family - it is a system and like every system, the family has excellent properties of reintegration and self-help.
Family - it is an indirect link between social norms and the process of individual development. Accordingly, this system is influenced by both external factors (social conditions) and internal (family members). If society changes, the family changes, and if its members change, the family also feels these changes. Thus, homeostasis (internal stability) of a family depends on multidirectional factors. In fact, we can agree that in modern society, long-term 100% family homeostasis is impossible. The world is changing too quickly, and family members are changing even faster.
It is clear that someone in the family must take care of the constancy of the internal environment, the stability of norms and traditions. Of course, in every culture, a woman plays this role. And the eldest woman in the family, especially in the Eastern culture, is considered the most respected person. After all, it is the oldest woman in the family that accumulates the energy of the family. Have you seen beautiful old women? It seems that everything is in wrinkles, and should not be beautiful, but from her there is such a peace, such kind and positive energy that I want to be with her constantly. Have you seen? Probably her relatives were lucky ?!
Why aren't all grandmothers so beautiful? There is a Ukrainian saying: “She was such a good bride! Why did you become such a bad wife?"
Why does a woman lose her inner beauty so quickly? Where does the fire in her eyes disappear? Is she the only one to blame?
It all starts with the fact that a woman is brought up from childhood as a polite girl: "Do not run, do not shout, do not snap, be silent, do not climb, do not stick your head out - you are a girl, and no one likes polite ones."
Then: "Be polite, keep quiet, be patient, do not argue with your husband - you are a woman." That's all! So we have a polite, patient, but offended with tumors in the chest, endometriosis, stones in the liver, with a weak gait and a dull look, but a very "socialized" and "polite" woman.
“We have what we have,” said one politician.
What's next
If you believe the Japanese wisdom: "Excessive politeness turns into insolence." In other words, a woman ceases to be polite and sincerely (brazenly) speaks and does what is "boiling."
And thank God if these emotions are expressed in somatics, or are transformed into emotional breakdowns. Otherwise - a psychiatric hospital. So, as a result of Soviet upbringing, we have a key conflict between the individual's needs for unconditional acceptance and confidence that you are “ok” (even if you’re a little not polite now) and the demands of society regarding restraint, obedience, and so on.
What should everyone do with this?
As a young woman who is naturally called upon to give positive energy to children, her husband, and then also her grandchildren, great-grandchildren (who will be lucky), how can she live, how to create, keep a family, and most importantly not lose herself? And I also want to be happy …
A woman needs to roll up her sleeves like a man and become a woman. The main thing is to find resources for joy.
It is also difficult for men. They cannot understand how this "beautiful bride" turned into a "monster wife". It's simple.
A man needs to follow a few simple rules for this to happen:
1. On talking to her
2. Not listening to her and ignoring her needs
3. Contradict her in everything
4. Don't cheer
5. Don't worry about her
6. Flirt with other women
7. Be detached and indifferent
8. Criticize her constantly
9. Be evasive and say ambiguously: “Well, I don’t know”, “We’ll see”, “Well, maybe”, “How it will turn out”.
10. Forget about her, not pay attention to her
11. Do not talk about what is happening to you.
If you fulfill these conditions, dear men, you will easily make a bitch out of your beautiful wife. And that's all. Your family will become a "marriage of spirits." That is, for people supposedly everything is fine, but you and her want to kill each other. Here is the point. You are already crippled, each separately and your family as a whole.
In this case, there are three options for solving the problem.
First. Then you “live together” in the same “fun” mode. You must be prepared for the fact that your marriage will be full of scandals, infidelity, illness and crippled children's souls.
Second. Break up and look for another partner. In this case, it is logical that the “crippled partner” will attract another “crippled partner” (there are many of them in the search, all were brought up in the same way). And everything will start all over again: meeting, patience, resentment, patience, resentment, patience, patience, divorce.
There is another option. To have a break. Talk and understand, gaining knowledge on how to build relationships. This wisdom is not taught either by our secondary or higher schools. The main thing: "the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the legs", this is the main thing in life.
So, you have to work hard and find sources of knowledge for yourself. Here it is important not to get lost in the labyrinths of newfangled trends. First of all, read the classics of psychology and psychotherapy. And there, fate will lead you out.
But first, you just need to discuss the situation. Yes, it will not be easy, but everyone is literate and even with higher education, and not even one.
First answer your questions:
- Can this problem be solved?
- Do you really want to change something?
- Can your partner meet your expectations?
- Does he (she) want to solve this problem?
- Have you tried to find a solution to this problem?
- Do you view the situation honestly and frankly?
- Do you openly express your opinion?
- Are you ready to listen to your partner?
- Are you ready to pay attention to your partner and yourself?
- Do you expect immediate changes?
- Do you expect your partner to change, are you ready to change?
- Are you giving yourself and your partner a chance?
- Do you keep affection for your partner and accept him as a person, even during a serious conflict?
After these answers, you will receive a guideline for your further work on the relationship. It is also important to remember that men and women are different (a lot has been written about this as well) and take this into account when building a "strategy for saving love."
In fact, for a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman, only two conditions are necessary: a benevolent attitude towards each other and full attention to each other. Everything. The main thing is to preserve and increase these two conditions over time.
I wish you love!
1. Nossrat Pezeshkian Family positive psychotherapy
2. Ruslan Narushevich "Love without GMOs"
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