How Do Women With An "iron" Character Appear?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

A 17-year-old mother and son came to the reception with a request to improve relations. Throughout the year, quarrels broke out, the old rules did not work, and they could not establish new ones. Everyone considered their point of view correct and they could not find an opportunity to come to an agreement. There was no emotional contact between them, the relationship was reduced to the functions that each had to perform in relation to each other.

In the course of my work, I noted that this is not the first time in my office I see women who are powerful, purposeful, persistent, intolerant of objections, straightforward, you are either with her or against her. Deprived of flexibility and internal integrity, women with an "iron" character. And if you imagine the 15th century and a warrior, then many heads will fly off from his sword, the image of such a woman will compete with men. What, in principle, happens in the families of such women, the battlefield. A young boy who feels the strength to leave from under his mother's wing. A woman who doesn't want this to happen.

For me it is clear and bitter that there is a girl inside the "iron" woman. She is vulnerable, tender, sensitive, perhaps naive, vulnerable, plastic, sparkling and open. Unfortunately, life has shown these women that vulnerability and openness to the world entails pain and disappointment.

The process begins in childhood, when, with her pain and sadness, a girl turns to her loved ones and does not receive support and sympathy. Day after day, year after year, such a colorful and bright world fades, and the walls in the soul are getting higher and thicker. Before us is already a firm and tough girl who will never allow herself to be hurt. But there are moments when she relaxes, and tries to get out of the walls that she herself has built. Then, ironically, she finds those people who will remind her that she cannot relax and the walls in her soul become even thicker.

The girl becomes a woman, and then a mother, she brings down all love and tenderness, the desire to protect her child, son. She does everything so that he does not know what pain is. But the peculiarity of children is to grow up and abandon ready-made ways to solve problems, but to comprehend everything empirically. Again she is faced with rejection, rejection, loneliness, only now, from the one to whom she herself gave life. When she is in pain, she defends herself, striking blows to the one for whom she was ready to give everything, the trust that was between them was destroyed.

Whether they will be able to return what was lost, no one knows, and in this uncertainty they have to live. Two loved ones, but so far from each other.

Working with such women is very slow and careful. Since the model of relations has already been built, relying only on oneself and according to their built plan. It is difficult for them to take support, to endure the presence of another person when they are vulnerable and in pain. After all, from this pain they left, into their world of order and insensibility.

But on the other hand, the will that is inherent in their life allows them to stay in therapy and gradually paint their world in bright colors.