2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Life in a relationship stops when …
… it hurts, but I hide it so that you do not know about my weak points. Since you will have power, and I can be destroyed. And tears betraying disarmedness will remain my secret.
… I am offended, but I am proudly silent. So you don't know about my vulnerability. I read many books and it says that only children are offended. And I'm already an adult. And it will not be possible to laugh at me, devaluing my experiences from childhood, still bleeding, wounds.
… I feel helpless and afraid to ask for support. Because then I will become a burden. And who needs it? I will be strong and will cope with all difficulties myself, choosing loneliness.
… I am happy from meeting you to a puppy squeal, but I will not show it. Because then you will understand how important this meeting is to me and how long-awaited. What if it turns out that only I am happy? And my joy is completely out of place?
… There is a lot of excitement inside, but I hide it. To show that I am burning with passion and thirst for your touch is very shameful. Decent women do not feel this at all, and if something happened, then it is necessary that no one guessed and could not condemn, including you. I will hide my sexuality and sensuality under the mask of coldness or indifference.
… There is a lot of tenderness and warmth inside, but in fear of being intrusive, I keep them with me. Suddenly it will be unpleasant for you.
… I was mistaken or did something stupid, and I hide it, more and more away from you. So that my imperfection is not revealed. I am afraid that I will be unworthy of you.
… I am angry, but I am not talking about it. I have a mindset that you shouldn't be angry with your loved ones and loved ones. It hurts and hurts them. Therefore, I will not talk about my displeasure, and I will endure. Until I have enough strength. Then I'll leave. Itself.
I will restrain all my sincere impulses and feelings that arise next to you in order to hide your value to me. I will become correct, good, moderate, comfortable. Not lively and functional, like our relationship …
Shame and fear stop love and make relationships functional. Any relationship: with children, with partners, with the world, with yourself …
What are functional relationships? This is when the person opposite or you yourself is an object that can be used or be used.
The fear of being unnecessary and rejected, the fear of loneliness and pain. Shame on being yourself and discovering your own worthlessness for your partner. These experiences close us off from ourselves. I do not love and do not accept myself - I cannot love and accept a partner.
What is the need for love? Be accepted. From and to. With all the cockroaches. To validate this value, we need another. In his eyes, in his attitude, seeing our value for him, we find ourselves. Through the other, we learn to love ourselves.
Along with love, pain invades our lives. Because this other is DIFFERENT! With the same imperfections, sharp angles, with their own fears and shame. With their own ways to survive and psychological defenses.
Allowing yourself to love is about having the courage to face your fear and shame that rise to the surface. To admit your imperfection and vulnerability, to live through the pain in order to find yourself behind all this. Love yourself, allow yourself to BE. And that means - LIVE! And fill everything around with life, including relationships!
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