2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Source : transurfer
I remember well the first six months of my therapy. I felt great enthusiasm, and in general the future seemed promising, and there was some kind of magic in the air. Later, I realized that this state was largely due to many illusions, which came to life and stirred in anticipation of how they would soon come true)) It was very painful to break up about the illusion, and internal bruises at the places of the blows are still sometimes felt:)
The following illusions and conclusions drawn are my subjective experience. I wonder if anyone else had this?
Illusion # 1: I will solve all my global problems in three … four months at the most
Truth: you cannot lose weight by 50 kg per month with a fixed result and without harm to health. The more experience a problem has, the more time it takes, and for problems that have been dragging on since childhood, the principle "the quieter you drive, the further you will be" is the most important. In such problems, if you pull one thread, you will pull out a huge, painful tangle of everything in the world, which must be patiently and carefully untangled.
Minus: a feeling of deep frustration in therapy and a feeling of impossibility to solve their problems
Bonus: if you go forward, then with each step it becomes easier, and if you do not stop, then this is a real chance to create a new continuation and a new ending for your personal story - not those inherited from parents, and not those dictated by trauma and the ones that are most consistent with your desires and values. This is a great chance to live your life.
Personally, I see another bonus - which may not be a bonus for everyone - I feel that due to the peculiarities of my personal history, I have received very little personal, undivided, non-judgmental attention and empathy in my life, so therapy for me includes a way to get it in its pure form.
Update: there are now methods that can speed up the process - for example, EMDR or neurofeedback. I'll write about neuro-feedback later, because I haven't finished my course yet.
Illusion # 2: The main thing is to quickly amputate those parts of my personality that prevent me from becoming great and powerful
Truth: in the psyche nothing can be torn off and thrown away, and also in the psyche there is no "bad" and "good" - there is only that which no longer works and is still working. That which no longer works must be strengthened and grown.
Minuses: the process, to put it mildly, is not fast.
Bonus: a small box of "inner wealth" eventually becomes an impressive treasure trove of talents, abilities, and tools for solving a wide range of tasks.
Illusion number 3: As soon as I find the roots of my problems, they will be solved by themselves, from one awareness of their causes
Truth: understanding the causes is just a starting point. This is followed by work on completing the necessary parts of the psyche.
Minus: difficult, sometimes painful process, which includes many unpleasant discoveries about your past, weaknesses of your personality, blind spots of your worldview
Bonus: things that seemed absolutely impossible before begin to be realized in life, which significantly improves self-esteem and self-confidence
Illusion # 4: "As soon as I find the good in myself, the rest of the world will immediately turn its gaze on me and immediately fall in love with me" a.k.a. "The main thing is to love yourself - and then everyone will surely love you."
Truth: People, like me, have their own personal boundaries and their own preferences, and if you are not a hundred dollar bill, then universal love will not happen. However, if you understand yourself well with all the peculiarities, then you can find "your own" - people, as I call them, "from my planet" - with whom they coincide.
Minus: You have to make a lot of effort to find "ours".
Bonus: Communication with "friends" is a thrill!
Illusion No. 5: Okay, my parents broke firewood in my psyche and left a lot of destruction, but now, armed with psychological knowledge, I will fix everything in myself as if nothing had ever been broken
Truth: A limb torn off in childhood will never grow. The most that can be done is a high-tech bionic prosthesis.
Minus: The junction of the prosthesis with the body will ache under stress.
Bonus: The prosthesis and its creation gives many advantages over those who have everything in place since childhood.
I would add the illusion that "Another person can be changed," but this is not entirely an illusion. Sometimes, when one in a pair changes, the other begins to change - and even, sometimes, for the better.
What do you agree or disagree with? What illusions have you shattered or not shattered during therapy?
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