Dedicated To Unrecognized Achievements And Feelings Of Guilt

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Today I was a little surprised to hear the New Year's Eve conversations of various people I did not know. That's how it happens! They scold how much in vain the outgoing year…. “It was a bad year” …. that's how it turns out.

And it also happens like this. A friend tells me that she cannot lose weight in any way. And after all, she does not eat anything. Well, if he's just cooking. A little. Well, and then the whole family sits down at the table to eat, but she doesn't. She is jealous, she gnaws a crouton, gets fat…. and after all, "I haven't eaten!" “You know, I didn't sit down with them at the table, there was no meat in my plate. Well, what have I already snagged there? No, it doesn't count. " Well, yes, how I forgot it myself! Didn't guess! After all, if you break a cookie, and not bite, then all the calories disappear! Exactly!

It also happens. “I don't rest at all. Well, just never. What kind of life has it gone? No, no, in the evening I can still. Evening is sacred. Movie or book. But this happens every day. I would like another rest. Somehow to rest in a different way. Just how - I don't know yet. Therefore, without rest all year."

So. “Some kind of routine, not life. I buy something, go somewhere, study somewhere. But so that there was an EVENT in life … there is no such thing. Well, there are birthdays, well, we are going to parties, well, yes, the nephew was married this year. But all this happens around me, not with me. Routine. Boring and melancholy."

In my opinion, these three examples are connected by "one thread". The absence of a person in the moment of his own, in fact, life. “I seem to eat, but I did not eat. I don’t remember - so it wasn’t! And I seem to be resting, but I don't remember. I do not attach importance. I do not call rest a rest. And it seems that events do happen, but somehow pale…. somehow not with me. " And the impression is that people do not have life, it has them.

It is, of course, appropriate here to mention mindfulness. You understand. And, besides that, a completely New Year's theme. About goals. About one important point that is often overlooked when staging them.

A hundred hundred times everyone has already said that the goal must be precise and specific. Now I will try to explain why such accuracy. Because it was stupid to follow the instructions, it was always not to my liking. And if I know why I am doing this, it is a completely different matter. In short, the concreteness and accuracy of the goal are needed so that I have precise concrete indicators that the goal has been achieved, so that I do not miss this moment in my life when the goal (finally!) Is realized.

The goal of having more money is neither precise nor specific. More than last year? More than Aunt Dusya? How much more? For a ruble twenty? How will I know when I have "more money"?

Anecdote in the subject.

- How much do you earn?

- 3000!

- Fi … Dap ??? …..

- Euro.

- Ah … well, this is ….

- In Week.

- Bitch !!!!!

The first time you don't understand who has more … well, or longer …

For example, the goal in the second example is to get more rest. Wonderful! What is rest for each of us? I think these will be different answers. From rock climbing to couch felting. So, it is important to define what rest is. And it is also important to establish a kind of "marker" to determine which daily activities are rest and which are not. A good "exercise" not to feel "left out".

For example, you decide that to take a bath, have a cup of coffee, watch a movie, read a book, visit friends, visit friends - all this is relaxation. Dot. Then, when you do any of the above, remember that right now you are resting. And do not blame the "old year" that the guests have mutilated you. For the next year, simply exclude “hosting” from the list marked “rest”.

Tired of the routine? Write what is this very routine in your understanding? If this is a series of dull days, at least go for a visit or take a walk. There will already be NO routine. And mark it in your mind. That you were walking. If a series of noisy festivities and whirlwind - lock yourself at home for a day, and it will also NOT be a routine. The main thing in this business is to determine exactly what you specifically want and how to find out that "here it is, it has happened!"

I will touch upon one more topic typical of the time devoted to summing up, evaluating and…. search for the guilty. After all, how are we? All the same global questions "Who is to blame?" I'm already silent about "What is to be done?" is not a question at all. Because if you do something, then you will definitely find yourself to blame. Better to sit on the sidelines, right?

The only trouble is that even sitting on the sidelines, there is a chance to become guilty "for inaction."

How often do we try to wave our arms after a fight! And blame ourselves that we are such - such. We tend to judge. Yourself or others. Even the ritual of forgiveness does not help. Especially in relation to yourself. Otherwise, there would not be so many techniques in this direction. Trainings, seminars, exercises, therapy and so on.

Forgiving others is much easier. Here you can become condescending and magnanimous, and taking the role of Nemesis, proclaim: "Innocent!"

One's own guilt appears as a result of self-condemnation. And to forgive oneself now means to admit that the past guilt was, in fact, a slander against oneself. And libel, like perjury, is a rather serious crime. In both cases, we are…. are to blame.

Making a decision in the past, which may have turned into a tragedy, in the present, we could not know the consequences in advance. But all the same, it happens often, we feel guilty. If we are unable to forgive ourselves, then we remain guilty in our eyes for that past choice. So we are to blame ourselves, as if we knew about the consequences.

But in most cases, guilt appears precisely as a result of slandering oneself. Denying the fact of slander, we are guilty of a “crime”

But we didn't know all the consequences, did we? By admitting this slander, we are freed from the "crime", passing the verdict "not guilty", but we become slanderers.

Forgiving ourselves, we seem to say to ourselves: “I am a false witness, I accused myself illegally, I slandered myself, I really did not know the consequences, but accused myself as if I knew them in advance”.

Such is the "loopback" concept of guilt. I mention this in order to show the real reasons that complaints that “I cannot forgive myself” are quite appropriate. And it so happens that the inability to receive your own forgiveness causes a new round of guilt. I agree that it is difficult, very difficult to forgive yourself. Especially without understanding the reasons for this complexity. Let's take a closer look. Knowledge is power. And the possibility of changing the situation.

It is believed that the feeling of guilt is one of the manifestations of pride, just the opposite. This is aggression directed at oneself. A person who blames and punishes himself has a tremendous sense of self-importance and significance. He thinks that by punishing himself, hurting himself, he will change the whole world. Atone for guilt. He's suffering! Excessive egocentricity. Too ….. childish …. This is probably where the legs of the guilt grow….

So what do you do about this unpleasant feeling? Twist it in yourself? Will this own pain change the whole world? Or at least the past? Or maybe try to rectify the situation, instead of receiving and receiving your own moral punishment? And to suffer bitterly, punishing yourself? You might think that this will help someone.

I myself am certainly not free from guilt. You and I, dear friends, were brought up in the same country after all. However, based on my experience, I understand that in each specific situation, each person acted in the best way (as he believed at that time). Each time a man made a choice. Due to the circumstances of the case, and the information available at that time.

And, if, as a result of this act, a person is now ashamed, then it is worth looking for an opportunity to correct the situation. Not to withdraw and quietly suffer, “with folded paws”, but to continue living, using this experience of guilt. And to reel on a mustache, what exactly made you feel ashamed, or rather, what caused a feeling of guilt, in order to avoid such a thing in the future. To know the "forbidden" actions and desires. (Shame and guilt are different things.)

That is, the situation with guilt is about the same as with goals. I think it is worth defining your "moral code". This is information about what you will definitely be ashamed of in front of people, for which you will feel guilty personally, and what is acceptable to your personal conscience. It also happens that a person does not feel guilty until others shame him. Decide for yourself whether you will take the guilt imposed on you according to your Code? From my point of view, a good question to a person who is “guilty” of you is: “Why do you need to make me guilty?”.

And, rather than punishing yourself, isn't it better to apply your strength to rectify the situation? Ask yourself what could have been done better. And this will be the Experience that you will take into account in the future. Next year!