2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I grew up when I stopped silently listening to unsolicited advice.
As a rule, unsolicited advice is served with a sauce "for your own good", but it is not worth a dime, because it is the cheapest bargaining chip in the world. Especially if they do not have warmth of the heart and a sincere desire to help another.
I grew up when I stopped agreeing with what aroused inside a storm of indignation and disagreement. This was especially difficult in relationships with close people who were looking in my eyes for confirmation of what they themselves were not sure of.
I grew up when I stopped looking at recognized authorities from the bottom up, dying with trepidation in anticipation of their assessment. When I allowed myself to be openly angry with people who took a parental position towards me.
I am overwhelmed with a wave of feelings when someone pokes his nose at the mistakes and arrogantly states: “Well, how did you manage to do that !?”. This is a rhetorical question, and here my answer means nothing. It’s just a clever way to immerse yourself in shame.
Of course, this is more convenient. It is easy to rise up against the background of other people's shortcomings, thereby increasing your own self-esteem. It's so easy and pleasant to be good, asserting yourself against the background of other people's punctures. It is so nice to feel “not like that” when everyone you meet is branded with shame and censure. It is convenient to be a judge for others and to talk about morality. And how good it is to be “good” when the world is painted in black and white.
I grew up when I stopped reproaching myself: “Well, why did you do that? What did you think? It’s stupid to regret missed opportunities or actions. What's done is done. Moreover, what is possible at a given period of life has been done, with the resources available at this stage.
I am an imperfect person living in an imperfect world. And so sometimes I do stupid things, I honestly live my feelings, I am ashamed of them. In addition to this, I have shortcomings and dependencies that contradict the existing social attitudes about the norm.
I matured when I stopped striving to be who I should be and allowed myself to just be myself. In a specific period of time, with specific people, being honestly responsible for the consequences of such permission.
I grew up when I went beyond magical thinking and stopped looking for the cause of difficult events in my life in myself. Sometimes certain events just have to happen, and I cannot know all the laws of life in order to unequivocally assert that the reason for what is happening is in me.
I am just an imperfect woman, daughter, sister, mother, wife. I can only be responsible for myself, but I cannot bear the burden of someone else's responsibility. More often, the behavior of others speaks more about themselves than about me, and little depends on me.
I grew up when I agreed with the idea that feelings, attitudes, behaviors that have not yet matured to be called spiritual, should be evaluated in the light of opportunities for growth and development.
A person does not grow up in the case when he does not want to accept the current situation of his life as it is. When he bargains, argues and tries to prove to those around them that they are wrong, he gets stuck in childhood. His life is an eternal question: “Who am I? A trembling creature and a creation of the Lord?"
An adult learns to be constructive about his own imperfections and failures, while not losing sight of a personal, not imposed ideal.
I grew up at the moment when I realized that it was impossible to remake myself or adjust to the standard of perfection. As an adult, I realized that it is never too late to start studying myself and create instructions for my own use, the writing of which is preceded by many years of searching for myself in the eyes of others.
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