Threesome Sex. Causes And Effects

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"What do you think about threesome sex?" - they asked me this question, and I thought.

From the standpoint of "morality", I am neutral to this. This is a sexual experience that has a right to be. From the point of view of psychology, I see certain causes and consequences of this experience.

Part 1. Reasons

In addition to curiosity and a desire to experiment, I also see some psychological needs that can cause a burning desire to try, obsessive fantasies, or an obsessive desire to repeat the practice.

What can threesome sex give? What needs can this desire speak of?

• The ability to get more body contact. Those. a person may just have a hunger for bodily contact, for hugs, strokes, for a tight girth of the body. In the absence of a lot of body contact in a "legal" way, a person may fantasize about a sexual experience.
• More sexual stimulation. Long absence of sex - and then "I want a lot of sex" is transformed into "I want sex with many partners." Or sexual dissatisfaction in a relationship with a partner (perhaps not even realized) - then “I want good quality sex, I want sexual satisfaction” again transforms into “I want many partners” (an attempt to replace quality with quantity).
• Opportunity to get more attention. Indeed, a high internal need for attention can lead to such a desire. The need for spiritual warmth, for a large amount of spiritual warmth can be so "crooked" transformed into a desire for the one where it will definitely not be possible to get the warmth of the soul. It is also about the need to confirm your sexuality, your attractiveness, your value.
• The opportunity to give more, to “make happy” more people, to confirm their “power” (“And I satisfied two at once, I'm cool!”). This is again about confirming your value, about the opportunity to "earn" love - more love.
• The opportunity to be different, to try different things. This is about the presence of different mental parts that, for some reason, cannot be legally manifested in the world. Perhaps, about some mental fragmentation, splitting and an attempt to integrate the split off in this way.
• The ability to legally try contact with a person of the same gender … This is about finding your gender identity and about finding contact with a parent of the same gender.
• The opportunity to look at others, "to spy on". It can be stuck in childhood, when it was curious to look at the genitals and physiological processes of other people, or look into the parent's bedroom. It can also be a reproduction of a trauma if adult sex was accidentally seen (heard, energetically felt) in childhood. It can also be about the trauma of rejection and the trauma of violence.
• An opportunity to show yourself. It's about value again. It can also be about confirming your adulthood in front of the figure of a parent and defending your right to sexuality (“Look, mom / dad, I'm having sex”). It can also be competition with the figure of a parent from the age of 3-6 years old, when you wanted to marry mom or marry dad ("look, dad, I still fucked mom, she is mine", and vice versa "look, mom, I I won your dad from you ", and even more vice versa" look, dad, I slept with my mom / look, mom, I slept with my dad "). Or it could be a competition for a parent with a sibling (brother / sister). It can also be due to trauma of sexual use or abuse during childhood (or not in childhood).
• The ability to compete or get jealous. Almost the same as the previous point. About injured value and about competing for a parent with another parent or sibling. Or about the trauma of violence / use.
• Possibility of contact with two at once. This means the impossibility of contact with any one. It's about not knowing how to be in deep contact with one person and trying to escape from deep contact by inviting a third person.
• Achievement "I had a threesome." It's about your value, about defending your adulthood and the right to sexuality, about trying to connect with your shadow side (“I'm not such a good girl, I'm a dirty girl”), about trying to fit into a certain company and earn status.
• If your partner voices a desire to have threesome sex, then it may not always be about sex and about the needs listed above. This may be an attempt to test the boundaries of what is permitted. An attempt to express aggression, hurt, humiliate, take revenge for something (unconsciously, most likely). An attempt to establish their authority. Etc.

If the partner voiced his desire three of us, and you have cats scratching at this thought in your soul, then, probably, your partner helps you to see that you have some kind of pain in the topic of your value, your sexuality and your boundaries. Do not rush to organize a group sex. It is better to consult a psychologist and heal the pain and wounds in these topics.

Then something will change: either the field of relations will change and the partner himself will abandon the idea of such experiments, or you will end the relationship and everyone will choose a more suitable partner for themselves, or for you it will cease to be painful and will simply turn into a sexual experiment.

Part 2. Consequences

Let's consider several cases

1. These are three people (any gender composition), none of whom is in a romantic relationship with anyone, and everyone wants to just experiment and explore this form of sexuality, just a one-time experiment

Of the pleasant consequences: try, make sure that there is nothing fantastic in this, and then live peacefully in a marriage, without being tormented by regret “oh, but three of us haven’t tried (a)” or conscience “oh, horror, I have fantasies about someone except for the spouse”.

Of the unpleasant:

• the same consequences as having sex together - pregnancy, STD, etc.
• if there were friendly relations with one of the participants, then they can break.
• like it and want more, but if it bothers you, then you can contact a psychologist.

• (most serious) scrapping self-images (“it turns out I'm not good, but dirty”) or reproducing the trauma of violence, trauma of rejection, or other trauma.

2. This is a couple and an invited participant (participant), with all participants agreeing and having fun

Of the "pleasant" consequences: it can become a stable structure, the “family” can persist for a long time; each receives a surrogate to meet the needs described above.

Of the unpleasant:

• real satisfaction of needs does not occur and there may be a desire to increase the dose of a surrogate or replace it with a more "powerful" one, there is no development and healing, but an aggravation occurs.
• traumas of violence or rejection can be reproduced, and regular retraumatization leads to exhaustion and deterioration.

• a threesome relationship is a relationship of use; the couple uses the invitee as a "crutch", as a "patch", the invitee does not move forward, does not create their own relationship; the invitee uses the pair to act out their problems or injuries.

3. This is a couple, one of the partners wants a threesome, and the other does not want to, experiences fear, pain, jealousy, etc. (even if at the same time he has interest and desire too)

With a "favorable" course of events the situation will move to case 2 with its pros and cons.

If unfavorable, options are possible:

• the one who wanted and initiated this experience will understand that in fact he did not want this, fantasies and reality are very different; may experience shock and frustration; may experience a collapse of self-images; may not be able to continue the relationship.
• the one who doubted will feel severe pain, rejection, jealousy; will live his own scrapping - that he agreed to something contrary to his foundations, allowed himself to be "crushed" by his partner; may not be able to continue the relationship.
• it is possible to reproduce the trauma of violence, rejection.
• one of the couple may fall in love with the third.

Those. the mental integrity of each of the couple and the relationship as such are threatened.

In this situation, I recommend that you first contact a psychologist to find out if it is possible to improve relations in a couple without involving a third.