2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Psychotherapy as such is a young trend in the CIS countries. Moreover, practical psychology in the understanding of individual counseling also does not have such a long history as, for example, in Europe or America. Yes, we have a wonderful legacy of academic theorists, with their textbooks, schools, research. But the applied direction of science began to develop quite recently. Many people still have a confusion in their heads of the words "psychologist", "psychotherapist" and "psychiatrist". Very often, the first visit to a specialist is associated with the fear of being "somehow not normal" in the eyes of others.
And yet, development is going on, gradually comes the understanding that consultations and therapy give results. Often it comes either with personal experience or with the opinion of a significant person who has gone through it. Many come to the consultation without actually having an idea of what they want and how they will be helped here. They just take someone's opinion on faith and follow it.
And then the rule of three O comes into force. A kind of triumvirate of cockroaches sitting in the head of almost every person. Someone consciously, and someone subconsciously, but wants to "feed" one, and sometimes two or even three of these insects, which have paved the well-trodden paths in the winding nooks of the brain. They even have their own names: answers, approval, responsibility.
Let's take a look at them one by one. Knowing the "enemy in the face", it is easier to tap him with a slipper before going to a psychologist. Then, at the consultation, you can immediately deal with the problem, and not break through to it, through the protective barrier of psychological defenses.
So, the first cockroach - Answers. If you go to a psychologist and want to ask him a question, for example: "Why did she do this?" or "Doesn't my daughter love me?" - immediately think about why you decided that he knows the answer to these questions? Asking "Why did he leave me?" - what answer do you want to hear? A psychologist cannot get into someone else's head, especially the head of a person whom he has never even seen. No matter how you describe this person, it is subjective. Why do you need an answer received from a third person through the prism of a subjective description? It is certainly necessary to ask questions, if you want. This will push the psychologist to a deeper study of the points that really excite you. But do not expect Answers from the psychologist! Because he will ask questions. And the answers will come to you on their own. Gradually, as you are ready for them.
Meet cockroach number two - Approval. This is when: "I kicked him out of the house, I did the right thing?" or “You understand, she absolutely disobeys me! I even beat, but it did not help. But how else?”. The cockroach rubs its paws and waits for the psychologist to pat the head and say: "Yes, you are right." Since the others did not say this. Here the question is - why did you come? For approval? Not sure about your decision? Providing support and looking together for resources that will help move towards the goal (solving the current problem) - yes. To approve and support along the way - yes. But do not expect to be told at the first consultation at your request - you are exclusively right. Because if everything were so simple, you would not be here. And since you came to look for food for this cockroach for a consultation, then not everything is going smoothly here. And let's figure it out.
And the third, the most arrogant and bold one, is Responsibility. This is about "Advise me what to do?". Every second comes with a desire to be offered a way out of the situation, a ready-made solution, a formed informed choice. Right away, right off the bat. And the main thing is that they give him this decision ready-made. Simply put - they advised what to do. It's very convenient - if the advice doesn't work, it's always clear who to blame for the failure. Bad psychologist. And what good is that advice is always correct? Almost. Good - no advice. He helps to understand, offers options for researching and fixing one's own reactions, suggests how to analyze them, asks questions, clarifies inconsistencies. And the decision is made by the client. Himself, alone, taking 100% responsibility for it and knowing that if something goes wrong, then you don't need to look for someone to blame, but you need to think about how to correct the situation! Taking responsibility for your life is scary, but necessary. So here you need to confidently go into battle, armed with slippers, which the psychologist passes over your shoulder.
Seems to have met. Oh no. Here's another brazen mustachioed muzzle. Only this one on the other side. But also, oddly enough, on O.
Meet - Assessment. The psychologist must be completely, absolutely and categorically non-judgmental. There are no “bad” and “good”, “right” and “wrong”. There is a client who is an unconditional value, with his own problem that needs to be dealt with. There are no funny, stupid, or weird problems. They are all important and must be resolved, since they led to a psychologist. This information is also for those clients who are ashamed of their "weirdness". Take it easy! The psychologist will not laugh or criticize, because he considers it unimportant. What's important is what's important to you! And grades are for the school.
