2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Written for TSN Blogs
These life stories will help you really enjoy life, be in harmony with yourself and the world, and develop.
In the text, as in a cookbook, the recipe for personal growth from the author. The reader has the right to consider that the dish is not tasty, not original and it is not worth spending your precious time on it. On the other hand, the author hopes that the reader will find an idea, stroke, thought for himself, based on which he can improve the quality of his own life.
#accepting yourself
You do not need to graduate from the psychology department in order to give people advice overwhelming with its banality in "any incomprehensible situation" - to accept yourself as you are. In Yandex, by the way, there are 11 thousand requests a month with the wording "accepting oneself".
However, there is a grain of intelligence in this mantra.
Imagine a person who has been pumped up with expectations by parents since childhood - a boy must pull himself up at least fifteen times on the horizontal bar the next day after birth (accompanied by messages that Kolya is making twenty from the house across the street and not even sweating), and the girl must recite "Eugene Onegin on a chair." "by heart in the first grade (forgot the first verse? What kind of underdeveloped is growing in our family). This is how a person lives, grows and does not feel well … And all that he thinks of himself is how bad he is and how he is to blame for this.
Under the magic phrase "accept yourself as you are" I mean something like this: "I, Petr Petrovich Vasiliev, 34 years old, have excellent ability in running for short distances, but I can not swim and, in fact, I do not want I am able to solve problems in higher mathematics with the ease characteristic of Skanavi, but I can hardly stand the company of other people and prefer not to come into contact with them."
Tell yourself something like the following: "I am unique. I am valuable because I am. I am worthy of respect and recognition. I believe in myself and my capabilities. I feel the needs of my body."
Accept this and live in harmony with yourself.
#continuous development
Let me give you an example from my own experience. About ten years ago, my boss asked me what I thought about my skill level, from zero to one hundred percent. I replied that I rate it highly - almost one hundred percent. The boss got angry at this and wanted to fire me.
Leaving the boss's folly aside, there was reason in his indignation. A person who has decided that he has reached the top in his development and knowledge is a finished person.
Now my idea of my own qualification level has come into balance with the qualification requirements for the profession, and I represent a huge road of knowledge, skills and abilities that I want to follow. There is a vision of where I want to come, to what level of competence, and there is an anticipation of the heights that, I hope, will open to me.
Development is not only about reading, videos, training. First of all, it is behavior change. Come up with a new game for your child, paint a picture, learn the code and build your website, buy a colorful elephant on eBay and sell it at exorbitant prices. Get a car license and make your own canakhi. Organize a hike or go fishing. Allow yourself new emotions and small joys of learning.
#concentration of attention
Despite the devaluation of the phrase "concentration" due to its frequent and inappropriate use, it is a useful skill to become aware of oneself "here and now". First, I will write why, and then how it can be done.
During consultation or training, I often "turn on the third eye". I look at myself with my inner vision. What about my rate of speech, posture, hand position, emotions, what thoughts are now spinning in my head. It looks like testing the systems of a spacecraft. At such moments, I concentrate not on the interlocutor, but on myself. It takes 1-5 seconds. But I get a ton of information about my condition. I can get angry, angry, bored, worried, feel tension in the muscles of my back, jaw, slight dizziness, trembling in my body or arms, cross my arms, legs, defocus my gaze or stare at the interlocutor. The next question I ask myself is: "Why am I experiencing this, I feel, I think?" An honest answer to it brings a lot of benefits that I cannot get without this technique.
For example, I'm angry because not everything works out the way I want it to. I cross my arms because of disagreement with the interlocutor or want to protect myself from the words of the speaker. Defocusing tells me that I think my own, and I don't care about the interlocutor.
Sometimes it's just nice to realize that you are happy, and to catch these moments, which means to fully enjoy them. Instead of being in unknown worlds, which can also cause pleasant sensations of relaxation, there is an opportunity to live life more fully, if not completely.
In addition, focusing on your condition is a great way to cope with anxiety attacks, anxiety attacks, anxiety, excitement, as well as to show genuine empathy in communication, to be real.
And all you have to do is ask yourself. What do I feel now (maybe in general, or rather, with my legs, arms, body)? Maybe you will find out, as I am now, that it is hot and it is worth taking off your jacket for more comfort. Or maybe the calmness that was lost will come. What feeling (s) am I currently experiencing? What am I thinking about? Pause (allow yourself 30 seconds to answer questions). Now ask yourself: "Why do I feel, feel, worry?"
#find time for you
Once I wrote the fairy tale "Squirrel in a Wheel" that a trained squirrel, being set free, will always find a wheel for itself. A person finds his usual rake and adds up "happiness" from four cubes "w", "o", "p", "a" with a blindfold.
We choose our favorite ways to escape from existential given - meaninglessness of existence, freedom, loneliness and finiteness. The methods are traditional, tested for centuries: fornication, gluttony, alcohol, idleness and other types of leisure (or, as psychologists would say, neurotic reaction).
So how can you be saved from these very realities? Remember Homa Brutus from Gogol's Viy. He had a crayon, with which he outlined a magic circle, beyond which evil spirits could not seep, and prayed for urine. Try to create a similar "circle" - of time and space, where you allow yourself to be alone with yourself. Without gadgets, internet and other evil spirits. Reflect on yourself and your life. What is missing and what is in excess. Think about your goals, remember your dreams (like in the carousel episode in "Mary Poppins").
Take the risk of being alone with yourself for an hour, two, a day. There is a danger that "cockroaches" and "devils" will crawl from all sides. But there is a wonderful bonus to this danger. You will examine him, this beast, and so carefully, say: "Crawl back, dear. I know you, and now I understand what to expect from you. Now I can negotiate with you and control you."
#value loved ones
In the morning I met a scary picture in fb - a typical feast for many with ritual phrases: "How, you haven’t yet …"
For me, who grew up next to this, such a scene angers me to the point of impossibility. Delicacy is lacking for many who grew up in the 1950-60-70-80 years. After all, everything was common - ideas, values, opinions. But as I matured, I realized that this facade often hides parental, brotherly, sisterly love.
Clannishness, the strength of the clan. This energy, which you can't go anywhere, is in the family field. You can scoop it up, peering into distant ancestors, or you can forward, into new generations - children, your own and relatives. As we wish our children well, our ancestors also wished us all the best.
Don't forget about your relatives. Listen to the voices of your family. You will find there the abyss of love that is so scarce in our time.
#take care of your borders
This is a very simple point. It consists in the skill, ability, ability to "recognize the right" - to refuse, disagree, objection, opposing views. As a child, food was pushed into one of us when it would not fit us. In adult life, again, without asking, almost every minute they try to cram ideas, opinions, values into us.
What rights do you need to recognize?
The right to bodily boundaries. This is my body and it was created for me. I allow myself to be touched if I allow it or wish.
The right to your own world - I am not obliged to answer your interests, answer questions about myself, my loved ones, salary, size of living space and other intimate details.
The right to your own choice. I am the creator of my life, and I do what I consider necessary, taking responsibility for my choice. I appreciate your willingness to help me, but know, my friends, that your ideas can be wrong - as well as mine - so you better not tell me anything until you are sure I want to hear it.
These six life hacks are enough for me to feel OK. What helps you, dear reader? Write, I'll read it with pleasure.
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